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| Fiction Horror, Fantasy, Science Fiction, Adventure, Thrillers etc. |
03-14-2007, 04:16 PM
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#31
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: In a World I Created...
Gender: Male
Posts: 314
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Thanks Cran for the comment. Yeah, I had alot of trouble with the tenses issue, but I'm correcting that now. I'm switching it all to past tense (as suggested by someone with a great deal of knowledge), cause I don't think I'll be able to pull present tense off. Also, I was thinking about changing the name of the place called "Makai" to "Tartessos", because Tartessos is a place that pops up when you talk about Atlantis. And would this novel be better if there was a prologue (even though there are gonna be 3 books in the series)?
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Last edited by Aterin™ : 03-14-2007 at 04:21 PM.
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03-16-2007, 10:25 AM
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#32
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Scribe
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: PA
Gender: Female
Posts: 66
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You're story line is interesting so far. Some of the writing could be tightened up a little, but I wouldn't worry about it until you get the story written and are ready to revise. I'd like some more information on Mazaku, his character reminds me of a teenager, but knowing he's a king I'd guess he'd be much older. Maybe have some longer scenes where we can see him as kingly and show us what about him makes his special enough to hold that title?
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03-16-2007, 11:41 AM
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#33
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: In a World I Created...
Gender: Male
Posts: 314
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Thanks cat. I'm glad to hear Mazaku is coming off as sounding like a teenager, cause that's the way I wanted him to sound. In the last chapters of this first book you'll find out alittle more about Mazaku, stuff such his "Kingly" side. And in the second book (a whole 3 chapters being dedicated to it), you'll find out more about what happened to Mazaku in the past that made him the person he is today. Also, Mazaku is about 25 years old now(that might change...), and you'll find out how he got to be King at such a young age (remember he was the newly elected king 12 years ago) Ch. 6 should be up today or tomorrow, then I'm going to work on revising Ch. 1-6, and a synopsis.
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03-23-2007, 01:13 PM
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#34
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Scribe
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: PA
Gender: Female
Posts: 66
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Hey! I'm still waiting to see what happens next. How's chapter 6 going?
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04-04-2007, 11:50 AM
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#35
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: In a World I Created...
Gender: Male
Posts: 314
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Okay, here is the rough (emphasis on rough) draft of Ch. 6. I'm going to add alot more detail and such into it later, but what I'm having trouble most with is keeping it in past tense. Anywho, if anyone has any suggestions on how to improve the tense issue please let me know.
Chapter Six
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Last edited by Aterin™ : 06-13-2007 at 02:47 PM.
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