Mid-evil Fanatic

My little sister and I are co-authoring a book, she helps with the plot and gives advice on writing I've written quite a bit and I'd like to share it here. if you'd like to read it...

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Just earning my stripes as an Addict... .

I books, I books, I <3 books.

"There are two equal and opposite errors into which our race can fall about devils. One is to disbelive in their existence. The other to belive and and to feel an excessive and unhealthy interest in them" -C. S. Lewis The Screwtape Letters

faithless

Having someone to talk about your story with you is always a good idea. Whenever I come up with ideas or write, my brother gives me a second opinion.

Yeah, post away! I wrote stories when I was your age, and have learned a great deal about the art since then. I would be glad to read and critique your story.

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is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science.
-Albert Einstein

Mid-evil Fanatic

alright, as soon as I can get my hard disk to this computer. The one I wrote it on can't get internet. lol

__________________


Just earning my stripes as an Addict... .

I books, I books, I <3 books.

"There are two equal and opposite errors into which our race can fall about devils. One is to disbelive in their existence. The other to belive and and to feel an excessive and unhealthy interest in them" -C. S. Lewis The Screwtape Letters

Mid-evil Fanatic

Heh heh, Here it is. The title is finding Rengtarra but I liked the name Element savoirs and well i dunno but it ended up looking like this:




Element Saviors
Book One: Finding Rengtaara

"I sat upon the dismal throne of mine own design, hating them. I had been one of them and they had cast me out of their circle. They were prejudice. True, I was growing in power, but they were also. What reason had they to hate me so? Going to the sanctuary of the elements and giving my piece... The feel of power and reason, such power. Then they all come unto me, and accuse me of tainting their 'Perfect world' They open the portal and cast me out, such hate, so much hate. As if I had a choice to be what I am, was.
"I spin in the nothing, dark cloak caressing my face. The abyss begins to eat at my flesh. I begin to use my magic as a last hope of survival... Revenge. Sweet, sweet revenge on those I hate so. Life begins to creep into my brain. Yes, I have more power here than the hateful world I was cast from. Just enough to keep myself alive, and perhaps a bit to spare.
I wait for years, years, an agonizing eternity. I pray that my haters yet live. Though they should. They are immortal. Though, still, I think they may be dead, I have used my magic as a life support so long. They didn't know I had the power to twist elements. But now it is too late for them. I shall exact my revenge yet. Revenge is in fact as much of a life line as my magic. Clinging onto the thoughts of their terrified faces before they see my blade slice through the red air to their heads. But perhaps a better way may be in order... No time to think of that now.
I feel my magic twisting about my body like phlegm in water. I will become stronger. I have devised a plan in my head as my magic grows stronger with use.
The magic has become as thick as pudding, ah, pudding one of my favorite dishes in the hate world. I long for some so badly, for anything to eat. My ribs protrude so badly that they and the other bones of my body have torn the clothes from my meatless frame. A great loss as it is as cold here as ever I have imagined cold. The term I now use for the world I was cast from is the hate world as I hate it and it's inhabitants and they me with such great passion, passion How I long for the different conquest than I am on at this moment. It has been so long, so long...
Mine feet have touched solid. How great my love for it and my pride! I allow my self a bit of rest to lay on it, the feeling of something to my back! The littlest thing I could have thought of in the other world now oh so precious and dear. I wait a long while before I apply my self and my magic. How I wished to give up and sleep, But with a thought of my mission I feel fire in my veins, as thick as cords, and I feel the strain as I force my magic from them.
Next I create a light, my world had been able to sustain its self as a boulder in water now, whereas if I had stopped at the phlegm like magic circling my body, it would have been washed away without my care. The light is not much more than a faint orb before my bearded face, red, though the light is yellow, swirling and washing in and out. Like how I had used magic to form the ground I stand on I pour my magic into it. It becomes brighter and I may see my world for the distance of a foot, a glassy black thing. I love it. Perhaps when my light is good, I might sleep, though there is no measure of time as my orb does not rise and fall as in the hate world, so I think it may be better to not.
The orb has grown to a great size and lights so that I might see miles of my black world before me. I have felt earth beneath my feet as though the first time now, for the first time, I feel heat!!! Oh, dearest world below heat! I feel it upon my white and naked form, I rest again and lay upon my stomach and then my back soaking up the fruits of my long, long toil.
What did the other world have? I think. It has been so long! Food, I want! Food I shall create! I shall not use not earth, earth! The cursed Terra! I will not use the element of mine enemies!
I, over more time I have made a witling plant! It is a shoot that protrudes from the ground and is a brown color. I sit all day forcing the plant to grow. My saliva had far from now run dry but it would have been dripping to the ground had I had it in my mouth. T'is true. I have become very dehydrated. In fact my very skin crinkles with the least movement, and my joints and muscles feel pithy. Though I had thought of this the first time it had come upon me to urinate that to keep it inside my body would be much better. So I had urinated and from then on kept all water from my bladder and in my other places. It was a distasteful thing to do but I had done it and I was thankful for it, though now the only thing keeping me alive and watered was my magic. In fact I had created a syrup inside my body over time along with my other creations. It was this that kept me from dieing.
Imagine my great happiness I felt when I saw fruit upon my shoot. I leapt up from my laying position and seized the fruit from the shoot. It looked a bit like a fig and I bit into it. Moisture! How the devil had that happened!? I cared not. But I did look at it one last time before devouring the rest. The inside was green, the same liquid inside my very body! It would be the substitute for the clear water of Rigo. I felt so strengthened by this food that I began my work with renewed vigor. I created a pool of the green liquid, which I have decided to call ogir, the kingdom of water backwards! I grew yet another fruit and and plucked it then I bit it in half and threw the rest into the water. They will grow there. Also I drank of the ogir in large quantities and it is good! It is an excellent thing! I have begun my new world and have named it after the wonderful kingdom I owned in the hate world, Atrum, darkness.
I now have a large wood! I am delighted with it! True it covers but a speck of my world but it is wonderful shade and every thing else! I have used my magic to quarry a bit of stone and from this I have made mud and an ax! I have chopped down a tree and built a house. I now have a sense of time. The growing of the plants and so I slept! It was glorious! I dreamed of wetting my axe on the other lords blood of their heads. And now I wake a month later and my magic buzzes to be used! I come from my cabin and the sun is dimmer than when I had made it. I use an effort but in a day the sun is as bright as ever and I have given it a core which I have stored energy so it will not dim for but a year when I shall charge it yet again.
A thought has crossed my mind and I have decided to try it. But before I try it I have cut my hair and made garments for myself of my hair and of leaves. I rest again and I go to a stump and sit. I close mine eyes and put my hands before me. I create. A figure rises from the glass. He is large and muscled, black and brown, teethed and standing. He is a monster, a perfectly wonderful one. I instantly love him, I speak to him, I have not heard the sound of my own voice in a great time. He bows to me and speaks to me in return. Remarkable. I have instilled knowledge into him. I have named him and his race. Arget, of the dark world and red sun, Atrum. He follows me and helps me in making a hut of his own. He speaks to me in such an adoring way and calls me father. Though he can be a disobedient thing I still love Arget and call him son.
Arget has told me his concern for us and I have told him that I am immortal except in this world. where very little can live without magic. He expresses that his race will not last. So I have created a female for him and clothed her, I have called her Darget. She calls me father also but obeys Arget instead of myself as she was created for him. But I mind not, she is of little help when it comes to Arget and mine work. Also she prefers to stay in the house. as she is now pregnant.
I have found that Arget can use small magic! He had hurt his thumb while cutting a tree with an axe and he became angry at the tree he pointed to the tree and spoke and the tree spat chips and a small hole was in it. He was very fatigued and I let him rest then insisted he practice his magic. His title is now Son Arget, First Born inhabitant to Atrum, mage and son of myself. Long but it is his official title. It pleases him and his wife also.
Little Arget has been born, an awkward thing. It is a wonder that he is not deaf for his mothers shouts during birth made me wish to drive my head into a tree. Arget and Darget have learned to hate the hate world as I and they are teaching their son to do so also. I enjoy his company and he calls Arget father and me, Grandfather. He can not perform yet though at which I am sad.
Little Arget is now much older and stronger, and the first born have had another son, Littler Arget and he can do magic! While he is weaker physically he is much more of an intellectual and practices his magic daily. At first Little Arget was jealous but then learned that he do every thing just as easily as Littler Arget. They just use differing mediums. And now I wait for my revenge... It will be a long time but I will do it.

And years after years after years I then sat upon my throne, fatter and my sons and daughters doing my bidding. A festival was held at the time I charged the sun and cities were built. We had few enemies and so we prospered. Animals we hunted and fruit that my sons grew we ate. They used magic to aid me and themselves, some had the talent others did not. I bathed in the ogir and ate my shriveled fruit. Goods were made everything that the other world had... almost. And though I considered forgiving the lords in the hate world... I could not. For I am what I am and I was prone to evil. I would die without the hate world belonging to me. It must be mine.
So I had my sons and daughters create weapons and armor. They cheered when they heard that we would do battle with the hate world and that it would be ours. They longed to see the men that dared to do me harm and return the deed. And so on a day when all the men and women who wished to fight came and assembled before me, I created a portal, something I could never have done before. And I and my army marched into it. And there I stood upon a hill with all of my vast army behind me. Staring into a land that I hated yet missed so, oh so dearly. I thought of my former want of pudding, I would have it and many other things deprived me. I had tried to take their world without pain. Now they had brought it upon them selves. I had been but a lord wishing more power, now I was a war lord, about to take their whole land. I sat upon my dragonish steed and pointed my glassy sword at the kingdom. A grin spread across my now old face. 'My son's and daughters' I said. 'Take it.' And so we rode and ran to the castle where the amulet was kept. The amulet of divine power. the cement of the elements. No doubt the lords saw me, I hope they saw me and exclaimed 'Dear god... Is that Absence? The one we banished so long ago? It is! Oh woe is us! What has happened!? How has he returned!? And who are these demons behind him!?' Though I never saw their faces that day. I stormed the castle in a bloody massacre, how sweet the taste of iron on the tongue, the smell of charred earth and bone, the feel of a dagger being trusted into a human ribcage in the midst of battle. How I had longed to feel these, feel the cursed aer and taint it with my breath. But I am sad it did not last... Up to the top of the castle we flew, I could still hear the sounds of battle being done, and there I saw it. The amulet of divine power, inside a weak spell. No one had touched it since creation for there had never been a need or a want. But now I easily lowered the spell and raised my sword of Artum above my head, wind blew in my white hair and I laughed with such giddiness. Revenge was mine. And thrust mine sword into the direct center of the amulet. One piece flew to the north, one to the south, one the the east, and one to the west. Spinning through stone and man alike. The elements were separating. The world beneath my feet began to shake, rumble, crack and fade away. I'm sure that somewhere a fire minotaur was speaking to a stone giant and they were picked from their feet and carried in opposite directions, the two shouting and yelping to each other. Me and my sons and daughters faded and we were in my world once more. The others wished to know what had happened and I told them."


Father Absence is my name,
divide and conquer was my game.
They sent me to here, yes, they did,
so I made this world and here I hid.
But ho! Father Absence is still my name,
And divide and conquer is still my game.
Atrum has divided the Elemental planet
Now to conquer it is how I have planned it.
Then I shall forge the amulet as one,
and all of the hate world shall be undone (iffy I may not put this in)


Chapter 1
The two looked at the book they had just read.
"Oh I am sorry we have finished it. I liked it so. Perhaps we might read it again?"
"Perhaps thought not now, goodness no. It would be the third time in a row and could very well be unhealthy for us."
"Oh do not drivel so, it is a perfectly enchanting story and I do want to read it again. Though you are correct. I do also wish to read something new and just as excitingas this."

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Just earning my stripes as an Addict... .

I books, I books, I <3 books.

"There are two equal and opposite errors into which our race can fall about devils. One is to disbelive in their existence. The other to belive and and to feel an excessive and unhealthy interest in them" -C. S. Lewis The Screwtape Letters

Mid-evil Fanatic

yes indeed... I don't remember how many word there are supposed to be or what ever but there it is. I hope you like it Soem of these things will be discribed later in the story as it goes along. I'd like to write more right now but my sister is being a bit uncoopritive and so without a story line I can't wite But I'll keep after her and have some more here in a bit I hope. I wrote this in about 2 nights.

__________________


Just earning my stripes as an Addict... .

I books, I books, I <3 books.

"There are two equal and opposite errors into which our race can fall about devils. One is to disbelive in their existence. The other to belive and and to feel an excessive and unhealthy interest in them" -C. S. Lewis The Screwtape Letters

faithless

Not bad. You describe the feelings of hate and rage quiet well, even if you spend too many words on them. The god that has been wronged is an interesting character. It seems like an attempt at a creative writing exercise. It is very creative and original. I can’t say I have read anything like this before. I liked it. Here are some of the specific problems I found:

-I don’t like the echo of “them.” It would work better as:
I sat upon the dismal throne of my own design, hating them. I had been one of their peers and they cast me out of the circle.
Also, I replaced mine with my.

-Prejudice is a noun. Here you are basically saying: they were prejudice incarnate. I think you wanted to say, “they were prejudiced,” which changes it to an adjective meaning “being biased.”

-Sounds strange. Try: As if I had a choice to be what I am--what I was.

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is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science.
-Albert Einstein

Mid-evil Fanatic

ooh yeah those are helpful. thank you. I'm glad you like it.

__________________


Just earning my stripes as an Addict... .

I books, I books, I <3 books.

"There are two equal and opposite errors into which our race can fall about devils. One is to disbelive in their existence. The other to belive and and to feel an excessive and unhealthy interest in them" -C. S. Lewis The Screwtape Letters

Mid-evil Fanatic

ah, and the hate and rage thing? It's beause he's bad, the lord of darkness infact.... So I figured.... If he's just been kicked out of his own kingdom and they expect him to die... he's gonna be really angery.... But I guess I did go on for a while

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Just earning my stripes as an Addict... .

I books, I books, I <3 books.

"There are two equal and opposite errors into which our race can fall about devils. One is to disbelive in their existence. The other to belive and and to feel an excessive and unhealthy interest in them" -C. S. Lewis The Screwtape Letters

Akroma

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A story that's having a go at being epic fantasy...but with the modern world, vampires and werewolves mixed into the cocktail as well...

Mid-evil Fanatic

lol thanks. And I'm glad to say that I have and that we've got more of the plot hammered out. I've even written a bit more! Not as much as I'd like though. A nights worth. two pages mabey.

__________________


Just earning my stripes as an Addict... .

I books, I books, I <3 books.

"There are two equal and opposite errors into which our race can fall about devils. One is to disbelive in their existence. The other to belive and and to feel an excessive and unhealthy interest in them" -C. S. Lewis The Screwtape Letters

Mid-evil Fanatic

alright, I just posted more look for "Rengtarra part 2"

__________________


Just earning my stripes as an Addict... .

I books, I books, I <3 books.

"There are two equal and opposite errors into which our race can fall about devils. One is to disbelive in their existence. The other to belive and and to feel an excessive and unhealthy interest in them" -C. S. Lewis The Screwtape Letters