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I rather liked it-plenty of unexplained phrases which draw the reader into wanting to know what they are (though its a fifty fifty chance as some will just get irritated they don't know everything that's happening). I think that perhaps you overuse '...' when a full stop would be better, like at the end of the paragraphs. Also, when you say "along which just so happened to be walking a very grumpy vampire" and then in the next paragraph go on to describe him as ruthless tyrant, it clashes a bit, so I'm not sure as to whether it is intended to be a light hearted book or a serious one, so maybe re-phrasing that bit to make it more obvious. Something along the lines of 'where it was discovered by a ruthless vampire' if you want to make it serious.
As for the throwing it over the waterfall bit, that does sound a bit too much like LotR for my taste. Perhaps say something like they gathered the greatest mages in the land to transform it into a phoenix, so only one who could kill the phoenix would get it? Or perhaps say that they had a great castle full of traps and wards built and sealed it in there, but it was detroyed by a huge storm (hurricane, earthquake, insert disaster here) and thats how it got washed up in the river. Cheers, nicebutdim.
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