Renos Babe

okay...this is just a trial...i'm doing...this is only the start of the first chapter. but i'd better warn you later on there may be sex scenes extra


Chap 1
She sat there, her crimson coloured falling loosely over her shoulders; she held the letter in her hand, as she read over the words, images of the one who wrote it floated into her mind. She smiled slightly and began thinking how much she missed him, a tear formed in her eye, as she looked down at the letter again and let the tear fall onto his handwriting.

"Commander Ren...we have enemies approaching what are your orders" Ren snapped her head up in surprise she was so lost in her thoughts that she had not heard the solider enter

"Commander Ren...are you okay" Ren stood up and nodded

"yes soldier get the archers to surround the boarder of this camp and inform them that I will join them soon" The soldier saluted then headed out, Ren quickly stored the letter in her pack then grabbed her bow and quiver then headed out to the ranks string her bow.

She ran out into the ranks of the archers, and looked out towards the horizon…to see a small troop of enemy scouts approaching…
“Swords Men and Medics begin to pack up camp…these are only scouts which means there is an army somewhere behind them…Hurry”

Ren looked behind her as she nocked one of her arrows to make sure that they had started to pack up the camp. She turned her focus back on the task.

“Okay…we have one shot at this DON’T MISS” Ren brought her bow up and took aim, then let her arrow go, the arrow struck home and was quickly followed by another from her bow. She watched the two scouts fall then watched quietly as her archers picked off the rest.

“Okay we have about twenty minutes until they come looking for the scouts, so move everyone help” Her soldiers ran around her dousing the fires and packing away tents she ran over to her tent pulled out her pack then took down the tent, folded it and sercured it to her pack. She then unstrung her bow and tied it two her back. She ran around helping everyone pack things up…especially some of the younger soldiers who were clearly struggling. Fifteen minutes past and she turned to face the rest of the camp

“soldiers leave the rest and move out…now lets go” this was the first time she had ever yelled, everyone snapped to attention picked up there packs and filed into order behind her. Rens unit consisted of only 19 soldiers including archers. There ages ranged from 30 to 15 but she was glad of the unit she had been give.

“Sargent…I want you two lead I’ll cover the rear…follow the mountains…you know where the meeting place is” The Sargent nodded and headed off in the direction that Ren had indicated. Ren watched as majority of the unit had pasted her then joined the team with the younger members. She smiled to herself as she saw them stiffen up in her presence.
“Don’t be afraid I’m down here to help you” The soldiers turned around to face her fear still in there eyes she smiled at them as if to reassure them. They relaxed a little after that.

The unit travelled smoothly for the next two days, until they reached the meeting point. Ren looked around concerned…Kai had taken the shorter route he should have been here already. She hid her concern, and put down her pack

“We set up here and wait, try not to have a fire but if its absolutely essential make sure it doesn’t smoke please.” The soldiers all saluted before setting about there tasks. She moved away from the rest of the camp and set up her own tent, and walked inside. She dropped her pack and pulled out the letter again, she smiled slightly as she held it as if it was proof that he was going to be here soon.

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Short Tooth

Been a while since you posted this but I've only just found it. It's got great promise, I love the difference between her being vulnerable and caring when reading the letter to being an all out warrior on the battle field. Shame you didn;t write more on it.

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Dear mother, I'll come home again

Renos Babe

i did its on another thread i'll link it for you. Hehe i forgot this thread even existed

http://www.writingforums.com/showthread.php?t=74816 <theres the longer version.

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Neidermeyer

I agree. I like how you show Ren to be emotional, but able to snap out of it to do what has to be done. It's also different to have a woman in charge for once...you see it sometimes, but not too often.

Overall, like the idea. the only problems I have seen are with grammatical usage. (to, two, too), but all in all just minor things. I was easily able to visualize, so thats a definite plus.