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Old 06-04-2006, 08:36 PM   #1
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Twilight Time Chapter 3

EDIT: I should point out that I made a mistake with the topic title. This is actually chapter 2...in my Chapter 1 post I ALSO put the prologue and that threw me off. Sorry. :-P

If you haven't already read chapter 1, check the link in my signature.
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"Alright, Sonny, this is it. You’ve already tied the record for the most returning games here on Young Minds and now, you’re one question away from returning again tomorrow."

The young boy responded with a simple, "Yep."

He didn’t look at all nervous. He didn’t look excited though either. Sonny had the mind of a man three times his age. Most kids his age wouldn’t be able to contain themselves, being on national television, becoming a household name, and setting new records in the world of game shows.

No, he was very well composed.

"Ok, Sonny, here comes your next question."

The stage crew performed their art, casting lights that danced in exotic shapes and patterns, creating an ambiance that gripped at everyone’s throat.

Everyone but Sonny’s.

"For the chance to return tomorrow, and a shot at nearly $300,000, here is your final question of the night."

Sophie held the audience in suspense with her finely crafted silence while an electronic orchestra held a low E to build the tension even greater.

Sonny just sat there. Sat, and waited.

"Sonny, which of the following colleges accepted George Washington Carver in 1887? Was it A: Highland College, B: Iowa State University, C: Simpson College, or D: Tuskegee University?"

The silence was deafening.

Everyone was squirming in their chair.

Everyone but Sonny.

He spoke very casually and without haste. "The answer is C: Simpson College."

For a moment, everything stopped. Even the electronic orchestra. It was as though the entire universe was about to sneeze.

"Sonny", says Sophie in a low and dark tone. Cameras poised among the seats, floor, and even the rafters traded quick shots from all angles and perspectives of the congested studio. Several shots of Sonny, all of them blank. Several more shots of his parents, their hands folded on top of one another, both their eyelids clenched together in a power struggle.

Back to Sonny.

Back to Sonny’s parents.

Back to Sonny.

Back to Sophie.

"Sonny, you said ‘C: Simpson College’ and you are…"

Back to Sonny.

Back to Sonny’s parents.

Back to Sophie.

"…absolutely correct!!!"

And with an epileptic series of lights, explosions, music, and screaming, the silence was broken. Sparklers whirled and confetti fell from the black that was the studio ceiling.

Everybody was clapping, cheering, and hollering so loud the mixing crew had to turn down the house speakers.

Sonny just sat there with nothing more than a content smile on his prepubescent face.

Everyone was ecstatic.

Everyone but Sonny.

"Congratulations Sonny, you’re coming back tomorrow night for the 14th consecutive night, a new record here on Young Minds!" Sophie boasts over the jubilant crowd.

Sonny’s parents came running down to the stage. The old man giving his son a hearty handshake and his mother smothering him in kisses.

"You won’t want to miss when Sonny Whitaker comes back tomorrow night to play for his chance at $300,000! See you then, right here, on Young Minds! Goodnight America!"
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Spread Awareness: Healed

Last edited by rboy27 : 06-05-2006 at 07:21 PM.
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Old 06-04-2006, 11:51 PM   #2
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Good read! I really liked this piece - it's fun.

Quote:
Back to Sonny.

Back to Sonny’s parents.

Back to Sonny.

Back to Sophie.

"Sonny, you said ‘C: Simpson College’ and you are…"

Back to Sonny.

Back to Sonny’s parents.

Back to Sophie.

"…absolutely correct!!!"
I really liked that part. I thought it was pretty clever. But sometimes you use paragraph breaks way to much and it makes it read very choppy. Thanks for the good read and I hope to see more!
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Old 06-05-2006, 12:37 PM   #3
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Thanks. Yes, there are a lot of line breaks in this chapter, but that was done more or less for a reason. Just like the exerpt you quoted, I was trying to satirize (is that even a word? :-P) the melodrama of what should be a simple game show as well as to build real suspense and a stream of conciousness style of voice. Some parts could be condensed though, and others expanded.
__________________
"What you don't understand, you can make mean anything." - Diary by Chuck Palahniuk

Short Stories:
Sign
Boss Hog
Citrus Kills
Preparatory Humbuggery

Spread Awareness: Healed
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