Thread: Raven (Vampires, Werewolves, Demons, Angels!)

Dear Akroma

I really love this story! I’d thought I’d caught up, but you’ve posted more! Whoohoo! Lexan and Galahad are particularly fascinating characters. I don’t know what advice I can offer to help you improve you writing – like so many here, I just don’t feel qualified! For me, writing is a predominantly “feeling” thing.

I do have one question though – don’t worry, it’s asked purely out of curiosity. Is “Raven” her birth name or the name she adopted/was given on becoming a vampire? Maybe I’ve missed it, but I didn’t see it mentioned. Either way, it’s a beautiful name (as is Lexan).

Gee, what a help I’ve been.

Cheers!

Quilldancer

Come on i no it taxing when writying but this is too godd plz HURRY!!!!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by riversource
Lanec sounds like such a good friend/brother to Galahad, pleeeeeeeeeeease don't make Galahad kill him that'd just be horrible! I mean it, there could be tears!


Do it Akroma then you'll have taken control over your readers emotions MUHAHAHA

Do you really think I can do such a thing?! To my own characters! They're my babies! lol. And just think how Galahad would feel if I killed off his only friend and brother in the entire world! They've been through so much together I can't separate them now!

(TOTALLY OFF TOPIC)you play magic, akroma? it might be a bit obvious (avatar and name lol) u know planar chaos coming out in a few weeks?(DONE)

Indeedy I do! In fact, it's out today!!!! Woot! I actually went and bought a whole box of boosters today (to share between three of us) and a fat pack. Oh, and I got a model of Kiki-Jiki absolutely free cos the guys at the store had it for seven years and were sick of it lol. Couldn't believe my luck! Hopefully I'll get a Damnation...a red Akroma....*sigh* Don't worry I'm not too fanatic about it. I like to play occasionally and the artwork is fabulous! The quotes are pretty funny too.

Is “Raven” her birth name or the name she adopted/was given on becoming a vampire?

Glad you're enjoying it, Quilldancer! Always a pleasure having new fans! "Raven" is actually her birth name, as is everyone else's names. I thought a world where everyone has cool and strange names would be nice!

Come on i no it taxing when writying but this is too godd plz HURRY!!!!!!

Alright!!! Here it is! You're gonna make me late for my practical, you know! I hope you're happy!!!! (because I really really want to do something with chemistry )

Chapter 9 continued...

The days crept by and Galahad’s health slowly got worse. He would only drink a little of Lanec’s blood at a time and no matter how much Lanec pressed him, he would not listen. The changes kept happening at random and it was only a matter of time before they were caught. Thankfully luck had been on their side – the changes only occurred at night when the manor was silent and sleeping and they had not yet been forced into the maze. If only they could find a way to escape. The guards were already getting suspicious and Lanec did not know how long the story of Galahad falling ill was going to last.

Lanec was right. Their luck ran out.

Keenar came down to the dungeon one morning and a guard let her into the cell and locked it behind her. Lanec stood up from where he was sitting on the floor.

“Lord Rakos has sent me to find out what it wrong with Galahad,” she whispered as the guard left the dungeon to resume his post. “He wants to have you fighting again.” Her eyes flickered over to where Galahad was lying facing the wall and a look of pain passed her face. “Have you thought of any ways to get him out of here? I have tried everything! There are no invisibility potions in his store and his guards are far more Gifted than the three of us combined!”

Her voice was shrill and bordering hysteria. Lanec placed a calming hand on her shoulder and motioned for her to speak more quietly.

“You have a lot of freedom to walk about the manor, have you tried simply sneaking off the premises and running away?” asked Lanec.

“Of course I have!” she said. “You cannot leave! It’s the bracelets.” She twisted at hers with frustration. “Every door leads you to a different room in the manor, and another, and another…I came to the great double doors in the hall which I know lead outside but I just found myself in a different room again. It is some sort of enchantment and I cannot break it!”

She shook her head. “We’re stuck here,” she whispered. Her eyes flickered to Galahad once more. There was a long silence.

“Give me the stone,” she said. Lanec hesitated. “Give it to me,” she said more forcefully and held out her hand.

Lanec slowly drew out the stone and placed the cold hard object in her hand. Her fingers closed around it and she moved towards Galahad. Kneeling beside him, she gathered him into her arms. He was white and covered in tiny droplets of sweat, his breathing shallow. His eyes flickered open for a moment then closed again. Keenar took a deep breath, her wavering uncertainty hardening into resolve, and she placed the cold edge of the stone onto her arm. She sliced down. Pressing the cut to his lips he began to drink, too weak to pull away. She felt thoughts sliding through her head like water and watched them slip by, the memories dredging up feelings and emotions from the past. Suddenly the images changed and she let out a cry as she saw Rakos in her mind’s eye, his skeletal hands ripping her skin, the snake-like face close to hers, his hot putrid breath filling her nostrils. She hated him; hated him with a passion; hated the way he forced himself inside her, the way he used his dark magic against her…

She wrenched her wrist away from Galahad’s mouth and the images stopped. He gasped for air, his eyes open wide, yet focused on nothing. The blackness of his iris’ were already taking over the whites as his eyes changed into the fathomless black holes that were filled with all the anger in his heart.

But Keenar was not looking at him. She was looking at a dark figure standing beyond the bars of the cell and fear gripped her chest and froze her lungs. Rakos returned her fearful stare with a gaze that brought heroes crashing to their knees.

“I…despise…werewolves,” he uttered, his commanding voice trembling with rage. A dangerous red glint flashed in his eyes and a vein pulsed madly in his forehead. He gestured with his hand and Keenar felt a force pull her towards him. She braced herself to slam into the bars but she passed right through them and a bony hand grasped her wrist like a vice.

Galahad was on his feet, the years of anger and hate bottled up inside him igniting. A spasm of pain rippled through him and he doubled over, falling onto his hands and knees that were suddenly great black paws. The wolf threw itself at the bars, its fangs dripping, its barks shaking the dungeons while Rakos stood rigid and immobile, his face an expressionless mask. Guards came running into the prison and stared in terrified silence at the raging wolf, uncertain what to do.

“Take them,” Rakos ordered, indicating Galahad and Lanec.

Galahad felt the unbearable pain hit him again and looked at his hands in confusion. Fingers were forcing themselves through the paws and hair was melting away into flesh. He was changing back to human form but it was different…slow and erratic as if it were forced. Rakos grinned and Galahad realised with a jolt that he was manipulating the change through sorcery.

Once he was fully human and rid of his long teeth and claws, the guards spilled into the cell. Lanec and Galahad fought with all their might but they had not one chance against the guards who were both well armed and gifted. Galahad could feel his strength draining and the steel blanket of rage was fragmenting, no longer lending him the blind power he needed. Lanec beside him fought strong and fierce, driving several guards back and attacking Rakos himself with nothing but his fists.

“Damn you!” he screamed at that impassive face. “Damn you to hell!!”

Rakos’ nostril slits flared and he sent a blast of power out that threw Lanec against the wall and pinned him there. The wave spread throughout the dungeon like a ripple and Galahad felt a crushing force pressing him into the floor as it rolled over him. Most of the guards had managed to throw up hasty shields but even some of Rakos’ own men were rendered immobile by the spell.

Galahad could do nothing. He could barely breathe for the force that held him crushed into the floor. The guards were upon him in seconds and he felt the cold touch of shackles being clamped mercilessly onto his wrists as his arms were drawn behind his back. The pressing weight lifted and Galahad saw Lanec fall, hitting the stone floor hard and deep red blood rupturing from his mouth.

“Lanec!” Galahad screamed, but it sounded weak and distant. He struggled against his captors but to no avail. The remaining guards picked Lanec up and half dragged, half carried him away. Galahad too felt rough hands grasping him and pulling him towards some unknown destination.

The world was spinning around him. Finally they were being sent to their death. But he did not want to die. He could not believe what was happening. It was unreal, this whole world inside this mad Sorcerer’s house was unreal, like a terrible dream he could not wake from. The anger was burning him up inside but the darkness that was encroaching upon his mind was greater. Fighting to stay conscious he looked for his friend but could not see him. They seemed to be going deeper underground into a chamber that was far below the dungeon, the air becoming thick with cold and damp. Galahad’s very bones seemed to be saturated with it and he shivered uncontrollably. But that was not the only thing that made him shiver. He could smell it in the air…the thick cloying odour of blood…and death.

Suddenly the walls opened up and Galahad found himself inside an immense chamber. A gasp escaped his lips. All around him crackled the surging power of binding spells. The air was so thick with it that he could taste it on his tongue like a bitter metallic tang, and being held prisoner by these binding spells were every manner of demon and beast that Rakos had conjured from the depths of darkness. Undead lined the walls, their shackles glowing and crackling a blinding white. Golems struggled inside their ethereal restraints, elementals screamed their defiance, huge jaws gnashed their bloodied fangs and razor claws raked at the air.

Galahad felt sick, his heart growing cold as his eyes swept the chamber. All around littering the stone floor lay pieces of what once were people. Torn bits of flesh and ragged limbs scattered about the beasts, some fresh and just recently dead, others spawning maggots and rotting into a soft pulp. And standing in a beam of light in the middle of it all, was Rakos, a twisted grin upon his snake-like face, a wild glint in his eyes.

Galahad’s blood was boiling with anger, imagining the screams of innocent people being torn apart and eaten alive; their lives ending in a brutal moment of violence and agony. The thick smell of blood was not helping either, making his head spin and his starved body crave the warm dark red liquid of life.

I am no better than these Demons then…

“Bring him.”

The guards gripping Galahad pulled him forwards towards the middle and threw him on the floor. His shackles were removed and new bonds were tied to his arms and legs, anchoring him to the floor. A figure kneeled next to him, also chained to the ground and shivering, his head in his hands. Galahad felt a stab in his heart.

“Lanec,” he whispered. His friend raised his head and looked at him with empty eyes bereft of all hope. Lanec’s own blood was smeared across his face.

“Brother...” Lanec said hoarsely. “Don’t let them kill me. I don’t want to die! Please! Please don’t let them kill me! Not like this…”

Galahad felt helpless, the horror of what was happening to them gripping him in a vice so that he could barely breathe.

“Lanec...” But a commanding voice cut through his words.

“Now I know why you lasted so long in my little world I created for you,” Rakos said. His twisted grin faded and his eyes locked with Galahad’s, a greedy light shining in the red depths. “But now I know what you are, I will have the pleasure of killing you myself.” Rakos turned away and paced around his magic beam of light, flexing his long skeletal fingers. An image of those fingers upon Keenar’s torn skin flashed in his mind and an involuntary growl escaped his lips.

“I have only ever killed one like you before,” Rakos continued “a vampire. I understand that your race and theirs are deeply linked. I had some tools made of arghanium especially for the occasion and I do believe the time has come for me to use them again.” The wide grin broke out on his face again and he laughed at the look of horror on Galahad’s face.

“However, the best shall be left for last,” and his gaze swept over Lanec. Galahad’s stomach gave a twist.

“No!” he burst out. “Leave him alone! I am the wolf; your quarrel is with me. Do not harm him I beg you! Do what you will with me but let this man go.”

Rakos’ grin broadened. “I think not. He has seen too much, and being such a close friend of yours it is fitting that you should watch him die.”

Galahad lost all control then, cursing and screaming till his voice was ragged, and pulling at his bonds till they cut into his wrists and drew blood. But there was nothing he could do. Nothing. Beside him, Lanec was frozen with fear, his savage breathing loud in that huge chamber, and a wet stain spreading through his trousers as he shook.

“Hold out your hand,” Rakos whispered, his voice trembling with excitement. Lanec did not seem to hear him, his eyes wide and staring as they flickered to Galahad for help.

“I said: Hold out your hand!” Rakos screamed and clenched his fist. Lanec’s arm moved and extended out. It was shaking, making the chains rattle, and Galahad knew that Lanec was fighting the sorcery that was manipulating him. But he was not strong enough. He watched in horror as Lanec’s hand opened and the fingers spread wide.

“No…” Lanec moaned. There was a terrible snap that made Galahad flinch and Lanec screamed as the three bones in his little finger suddenly broke. Rakos’ laughter was shrill as he gestured again, breaking all the bones in the next finger. Lance’s screams were terrible, the pain inflicted upon him disfiguring his voice and Galahad’s head was filled with them, curdling and shrieking. Soon Lanec’s hand was a mangled mess and he clutched it to his chest moaning and whimpering before Rakos made him extend the other.

Galahad’s eyes were flowing with tears, the bonds cutting deeper into his wrists as he cursed Rakos with every ounce of his being. He wanted to grasp that grinning face and tear it off his skull, to rip it apart and make him suffer for what he was doing to Lanec; for what he did to Keenar; for what he did to him.

The Sorcerer made a slashing motion with his hand and a streak of blood erupted from Lanec’s chest. He made the gesture again, higher up, and a gash opened up across Lanec’s face, ripping away his eyes. Galahad felt sick as his brother screamed and screamed, the gore dripping into his broken hands from where his eyes were supposed to be.

“Stop it!” Galahad cried. “Stop it for the love of God!” But Rakos just laughed and continued to weave his savage spells.

Galahad’s head was reeling. He could not believe what his eyes were showing him. And yet they showed him everything – every tiny detail that not even Rakos could imagine to see. He heard the subtle sounds of ripping skin, the bubble of burning flesh, the rushing of spilled blood...he was powerless to block it out.

Galahad lay on the floor, flinching at every sound and weeping openly, too weak to struggle any more; too filled with horror at what was being done to his companion.

“Enough,” said Rakos as a cruel smile curled his lips. “Let the Leviathan have him.”

“Oh no...” Galahad moaned. The guards cut Lanec’s bonds and hoisted him up. Galahad looked for the very last time into his friend’s face, now twisted with anguish and unspeakable pain. But Lanec could not return that last glance. His eyes were gone.

“I’m so sorry,” Galahad whispered.

The guards bearing Lanec approached a monstrous amphibian-like creature with teeth so long and sharp that its own mouth was oozing with black blood. Its long claws clicked impatiently as it smelled fresh meat and it tugged at the crackling bonds.

“Gods, no…” Galahad squeezed his eyes shut, praying that death would come swiftly, his nails digging deep gouges into the floor. He heard the guards throw Lanec’s body to the beast; heard the twisted screams filling the chamber; filling his head; filling his heart. Then silence. Sudden blissful silence as merciful death wrenched soul from body in a single prick of time.

Galahad kneeled on the floor shaking and crying. He couldn’t think. He couldn’t breathe. The world spun around him and he suddenly threw up, his stomach muscles clenching into a tight knot.

“And now,” said the deep voice, the voice he wanted to silence forever with a crunch of cartilage rings with his bare hands, “the real fun begins. Find Her. Bring her here.” Rakos’ eyes swept over to Galahad. “She should witness her wolf’s last moments of life.”

Keenar! No, do not let her see. Don’t let her see… But as Galahad’s blurry vision swung to the doorway, two guards were already pulling her into the chamber. Her eyes looked fearfully around her and settled on the Leviathan and Lanec’s fresh remains. Her eyes widened in horror. Half of Lanec’s face lay upon the floor, the jaw still open in a twisted scream. Keenar sank to her knees, her mouth opening and shutting but no sound coming forth, her face streaming with tears. At last an anguished moan escaped her lips as she grasped her head in her hands.

“There there, my dear,” said Rakos. “Everybody dies. Just think how fortunate you are to see this dog one last time before he leaves you.”

“You monster!” she screamed as the guards held her down. “Damn you! You will pay for this. You will pay!”

Chapter 9 The Last Installment!!!

Rakos merely chuckled as he drew from his robes a small black box and kneeled in front of where Galahad lay on the floor. Galahad’s eyes just stared at the ceiling, empty and unfocussed. He had no strength left; no hope. The end would come and he could not stop it. As if in a distant dream, he saw Rakos open the box. He was saying something but the words were somewhat muffled. He lifted out of the case something long and thin and shiny. A needle. There was a blue tint to the metal. Arghanium. Someone was screaming. It was Keenar. Keenar…

Suddenly blinding pain cut through his mind and he saw Rakos holding his arm in a grip of steel, the needle being pushed into his flesh. Everything else was obliterated and all he could think or feel was the pain. It felt like the metal was dissolving his flesh, like fire was burning inside his arm, melting his very bones. The needle was left inside his arm and another one was pushed in. Someone was screaming. This time it was him.

Suddenly his arm was released and he fumbled at the needles, yanking them out of his skin. The pain lessened immediately and he managed to open his eyes. Rakos was still kneeling before him but was looking at something else, an expression of shock on his reptilian features. Galahad turned his head in the direction of the sorcerer’s gaze and his heart stopped. It was Keenar.

She was standing with her arms spread wide, an electrical green orb surrounding her, flashing and crackling with power. A savage wind seemed to whip the room and her hair flew wild with it. Such an expression of anger was upon her face that even Galahad felt afraid and her eyes were turning white as the moon. The two guards that had held her were smouldering on the floor next to the shattered remains of a Binding Bracelet.

“How can this be?!” uttered Rakos, still frozen above Galahad. He opened his mouth to say more but there was a blast of magic and a blue wave of sorcery spread throughout the room. Everywhere chains began shattering. As it rolled past the demons their binding spells flickered, then crackled to nothingness. Galahad’s own bonds were torn to shreds and the bracelet binding his Gift crumbled into a million pieces. Hope sprang into Galahad’s heart then, and relief flooded through his veins. But only for a second. Then the whole chamber was filled with chaos.

Beasts and demons, free from their restraints, began tearing the chamber apart and spilling the blood of every living creature present. Some turned on each other. Some turned on the guards. Others came after Galahad.

Galahad stumbled to his feet and blundered through the pandemonium, narrowly missing swiping claws and the clash of swords, the air thick with spells. The doors flew open and more guards came running to join the battle. Using the last of his strength, Galahad grasped a guard from behind and sank his teeth into the soft flesh of the neck before he could be blasted away.

Blissful hot blood flowed into his mouth and he drank deep, feeling his strength returning and the world coming into focus as his senses stretched. He dropped the dead man and made a hasty roll as a pair of jaws flew down to meet him. Muttering a spell, he threw a strong shield up around him and sought Keenar amidst the fray.

There she stood, magnificent and terrifying inside her orb. Those that came too close to her shield were burned and blasted away in green forks of lightning. Her white eyes seemed to stare into nothingness as her savage spells filled the room. There was a crash and Galahad’s two swords blasted through one of the doors. The enchanted blades began to slice guards and demons down of their own accord and the inscriptions glowed a fiery red as if the blades were happy to spill the blood of demons once more.

All around him guards sprang into flames, beasts dissolved into a whirlwind of molecules that blew away, demons were wrapped in shadow and unsummoned, and the two swords cut through flesh like a wire through cheese.

How is Keenar doing all this?

Galahad began to feel afraid. His shield was being buffeted by the strongest magic he ever felt and he did not know how much longer he could hold it. Keenar could end up killing them both with the power she was wielding.

Soon the last guard fell screaming in a rain of acid and Galahad looked about him, his feet covered with the red carpet of flesh and blood. Where was Rakos? Did he escape?

A whimpering noise made Galahad wheel around and there, cowering in a dark corner, was Rakos himself.

“Please…” Rakos pleaded with Galahad. “She has blocked my powers…I cannot find my gift…please help me…help me.”

Galahad stood and said nothing. He did nothing. He watched as smoke started to issue from Rakos’ skin and he looked at it in horror.

“No…no!”

Small blisters began to form, and then his skin began to flake and peel away as if some invisible fire were burning him. His screams pierced the chamber but Keenar was relentless. He continued to slowly burn in front of Galahad’s eyes until there was nothing left but a charred husk on the floor. But Keenar did not stop. Her orb crackled as bright as ever and the whirlwind of magic was immense. The very walls began to crumble around them and Galahad’s shield was thinning.

“Keenar!” he cried above the roar of power. “Keenar stop! It is finished.”

She seemed not to be able to hear him. His shield wavered and a little sorcery leaked through, burning his skin.

“Keenar, it’s Galahad! Stop or you will kill us both. We are free now!”

Her stony expression wavered and some colour swirled into her eyes.

“Galahad..?”

Suddenly the magic stopped abruptly and the orb vanished. The walls stopped crumbling and Galahad’s two swords clattered to the ground. Keenar’s eyes fluttered, and then closed as she fell sideways. Galahad caught her as she sank to the floor. She did not move.

“Keenar?” He shook her softly but she did not wake. Her breathing was shallow and her heartbeat fluttered. Galahad held her close, his arms tight around her.

“We are free,” he whispered into her ear. All was silent. Nothing stirred.

Gathering his swords, he lifted Keenar up into his arms and carried her out of the chamber without looking back. The manor was deserted and the great double doors loomed before him. He extended a little magic and they began to open outwards, bright sunlight he had not seen for weeks, possibly months, got stronger as it filtered into the room and bathed them in its warm glow. It hurt his eyes and burned his skin but he stepped out onto the fresh air and breathed deep. He looked down at the woman asleep in his arms and smiled for the first time in months. They had escaped, they were alive, and they had each other. A stab of pain in his heart told him that Lanec should have been standing smiling beside him and he hoped to Hsaru that he was safe in Dantalion. Feeling shattered and broken, Galahad walked away from that place of hell and lost himself in the city of Trelise.

The images stopped.

I suddenly became aware of my surroundings. The dusty smell of the library. The feel of Galahad’s hands as he released mine. I opened my eyes to see tears flowing from his, and I realised that I too had been crying.

I felt like I had just witnessed a whole entire lifetime, that somehow I expected to be sitting years into the future from when we first started. But I was surprised to find that only five minutes had passed since Galahad first walked into the room. It was so real. I had seen what he’d seen. I’d felt his pain…but it was always distant as if…as if it was not mine to feel.

Still wrapped up in his story, I sat there in silence for some time until Galahad said,

“Keenar is the one that saved me. She saved me from that pit of hell. She saved my soul from the weight of sorrow. She saved my sanity, as I would’ve surely been driven mad from the things I saw that night. And she saved my life.

“We left it all behind us. We started a new life together, pushing the bad memories away and starting afresh. We helped each other to stand on our feet, gave each other something to live for, gradually getting through the pain and the nightmares that lingered after. I don’t know what I would do without her.”

Galahad paused, his black eyes staring off into the distance.

“If she dies in this forsaken war,” he whispered, “everything that is left of me will die with her.”

We both sat in solicitous silence, the flickering flame of the candle casting dancing shadows upon the walls. Soon the sound of footsteps could be heard coming towards us and Keenar appeared from out of the gloom.

“There you are,” she said. “Are you two ready to go out?” She stopped as she sensed Galahad’s mood. Concern passed over her face.

“Are you alright?” she asked quietly.

Galahad stirred, coming out of his thoughts, and smiled up at Keenar.

“Yes, I’m fine,” he said, reassuringly. He rose to his feet and wrapped her up in his embrace, kissing her on the forehead. “Let’s get our coats.”

He slipped his hand round hers and they went to get their things.

“Meet you upstairs in a minute,” Keenar called over her shoulder.

I made my own way down to my room and thought of all that Galahad had shown me. So now I knew his past. How hard it must be to live with these memories so clear in his mind. But though I had witnessed them, these memories were not mine to bear and already the horror was fading as I stored them away as just another story like the books I read or the films I saw.

Picking up the pace, I hurried to get my things.


I suppose I better start writing chapter 10 now. But first.....PRACTICAL!!!

Damn it, Lanec died. And that's a fitting end to one sorceror--he crumbled to pieces! Mwhahaha--

Ahem. Uh, get on with the main story!

Originally Posted by Akroma

I suppose I better start writing chapter 10 now. But first.....PRACTICAL!!!

Screw practical, chapter ten [-o<

Originally Posted by Akroma

Do you really think I can do such a thing?! To my own characters! They're my babies! lol. And just think how Galahad would feel if I killed off his only friend and brother in the entire world! They've been through so much together I can't separate them now!

No instead you just allow his fingers to be broken and his face ripped off before being fed to a creature. I like the way you think hehe

Originally Posted by Akroma

I felt like I had just witnessed a whole entire lifetime, that somehow I expected to be sitting years into the future from when we first started.

I feel like I've spent a lifetime rooting for chapter ten

Such a wonderful piece, even though I knew he and Keenar were going to survive, I still had fear for them. Poor Lanec, I thought he'd be killed seeing as I stated earlier theres no mention of him in the earlier chapters. This whole set of nine chapters so far seem like a magic, how great they are to how wonderful your story is. Keep at it for all of your fans happiness

OMG tht was brilliant MOR MORE MORE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol

neat

Thanks for clearing that up. I thought it was her birth name, but wanted to make sure. And I totally agree with your choice to give all your characters “cool and strange” names! (Says she whose protagonist is called “Troy” … hmm – it just happened … I think he chose his own name). I don’t know why, but for me the names are one of the most important bits.

On your banner, you say that your first few chapters are botched. I’m never sure about giving advice – I’d hate to make someone feel despondent about their work, even though I know we all need to learn! But if you could tell me what you aren’t happy with in those chapters – even if it’s one or more vague things – I could try to think of some ideas to help you improve them. If you want to, of course – it’s just an offer! Maybe it could help others give you ideas as well.

Cheers,

Quilldancer

Damn you Akroma you made me f*cking CRY.
I also stopped breathing during the last post.


Don't ever, EVER make me do that again. Because if you do I might forget to breathe again and than I'll be dead AND WON'T BE ABLE TO READ THE REST OF YOUR STORY.

That is what I looked like after I'd finished reading. No word of a lie.

Originally Posted by mashowasho

That is what I looked like after I'd finished reading. No word of a lie.

What, yellow with no nose, no hair and no body?

Ahh, you guys make me laugh.

Wow, hey it actually made you cry, Masho? Awesome! I mean oh no! I mean that's cool but...it's bad...*carrys on digging her own grave* Well I'm glad I managed to pull at your emotions. Every good story does. Oh and if you didn't like that...you might not want to read the end of this story...I'd hate for you to suffocate in front of your computer on my account! Because that's so unfair! You can't put that on my conscience!

Yeah...I often feel yellow, hairless and bodiless. I'm so glad I've found others like me with the same problem....

Originally Posted by Akroma

Oh and if you didn't like that...you might not want to read the end of this story...I'd hate for you to suffocate in front of your computer on my account! Because that's so unfair! You can't put that on my conscience!

Yes a depressing ending

Now onto chapter ten my good friend.

Yeah, I basically cried over Lanec's awful, awful death.

*shudders*




By the way, who's going to see Blood and Chocolate when it comes out?