Thread: Raven (Vampires, Werewolves, Demons, Angels!)

Thanks, guys. I'll do my best! WAY too much work at the mo but I'll try get the next bit up. Let's do this!! lol

I know I'm playing catch-up here. What I have read so far is a stunning narrative. You keep the action moving and your character development is spot-on.

If I were an editor, I would question the use of "so". The words "so", "very" and the like are weak-link words with little real meaning. There should be another way to describe what is going on, or even cut the word out with no adverse effects.

Great story, well-written.

Thanks for sharing

Keep it up and I'm looking forward to the next bit!!!

RFLxx

Aaah!! Don't stop posting!!!
I know I hardly ever post any more, but I still check in every couple of days to see if you've written any more. I'd be lost without my Raven updates . You just can't stop. Ever.

lol ok. I feel significantly heartened! Thanks everyone. The play must go on ;-p

Akroma, very beautiful chapters. I only got to chapter 5 tonight, it is super late here and I have sunday school tomorrow. Bleh. Anyway, I will so be reading the rest tomorrow after I settle my new horse in. Swear.

Akroma, very beautiful chapters. I only got to chapter 5 tonight, it is super late here and I have sunday school tomorrow. Bleh. Anyway, I will so be reading the rest tomorrow after I settle my new horse in. Swear.

Thanks, Evangelos and to all those other fab people that have just started reading. I know it's really long now and it's quite a lot to read off a computer screen but thank you for sticking it out. Always appreciated I just hope you enjoy it!

By the way, you have horses?! Lucky!

Ok, finally here's the next bit lol. Although I have to warn you I've spent so long on it and I'm still not happy with it, but for some reason no matter what I do it's not getting any better The whole story's so damn cliched anyway heh. It's not easy writing the emotional and transitional bits...much more fun writing the action scenes. Darn it I've got 3 or 4 major battles to write yet! Come on, Akroma - get though this and start with some action lol.


I looked up as I felt a hand on my shoulder and saw Galahad standing over me.

“How is he doing?” he asked as he pulled up a chair.

I looked at Sethis, his skin pale and his breathing barely a whisper. He looked almost dead lying there completely motionless.

“It’s hard to tell,” I said, my voice hoarse from disuse. There was a pause. I wanted to say something about Keenar, that she had done the right thing; that I would have done it myself if I wasn’t such a coward, but I could not admit it to myself. I was still in shock – the possibility of losing Sethis any day now left me reeling but I knew it made no difference – risk it and lose him now or lose him later, his mortal life flashing by within a heartbeat. The years spent with him would have been all too short.

Galahad put an arm round my shoulders. “Sethis is strong, he will pull through. Lorcan will do everything he can to make sure of it.”

I nodded. “It must have been a hard decision to make when you turned Keenar.”

“It was,” he said quietly. “Especially without the medicines and anaesthetics we have today, and I hadn’t any healing skills at the time. It was a rough ride for both of us but she pulled through and I am eternally thankful for it.”

My mind could not think of a response and so silence filled the room once more, broken only by the sound of Sethis’ irregular breathing. I frowned down at his supine form. Surly his breathing wasn’t so forced a few minutes ago. The hand I was holding began to shake and panic gripped my heart as the rest of his body followed.

“What’s happening?” I asked, my voice strangely shrill in my ears, but even as the words left my lips, a figure detached itself from the shadows and approached the bed. I had not realised that Lexan had been present in the room with us and, by the look on Galahad’s face, neither did he. The Vampire studied Sethis.

“It has already begun,” he whispered to himself. He closed his eyes and put a long fingered hand on Sethis’s brow, a frown marring his usually unlined face. I wanted to ask what was happening again but I dared not distract him.

“Crow,” he murmured almost inaudibly, his lips barely moving.

My head was spinning, Sethis’ hand tight in mine. Why did Lexan just say –

The bedroom door burst open and Crow strode in, a box in his arms.

“Eight pints,” he said breathlessly as he handed the box to Lexan, “and two extra.”

“Good lad,” he said softly. He tore the lid from the box and drew out a blood pack, the deep red liquid sloshing around inside the clear polythene bag. With practiced precision he attached a tube to the sac and pushed the long needle into Sethis’ arm. As Lexan held the bag aloft, I watched as the blood travelled lethargically down the tube. Minutes passed and the shaking began to slowly subside, Sethis’ breathing becoming deeper; more regular. A little colour came back into his pale face. My heart calmed its frantic beating and my lungs suddenly remembered how to breathe.

Leaving the blood pack floating next to the bed, Lexan now poured the contents of another into a ceramic bowl. He approached me with it and gently pushed it into my hands.

“Warm it, Raven, then make him drink it. Slowly.”

I nodded and directed a little sorcery to the vessel before me, the crimson liquid warming to body temperature. Gently I pressed the bowl to Sethis’ lips and was thankful that swallowing was a reflex.

“One sip at a time,” Galahad said quietly beside me as Lexan changed the now-empty blood pack to a new one. “His body must learn to digest the blood and draw its nutrients into himself. If he drinks too fast his stomach will reject it.”

“Ok.”

I eased the bowl from his lips and concentrated on giving him smaller doses, releasing a little magic now and then to keep the blood warm. Galahad put a hand on my shoulder.

“I must go – Keenar is calling me.”

I nodded and smiled my thanks, his returning smile giving me comfort. I turned my attention back to Sethis but the smell of blood was making me dizzy and my head felt faint. I took a few deep breaths to clear my thoughts but my body began to shiver and the bowl slipped from my fingers. As it left my grasp a pearly white hand caught it and I felt Lexan’s presence behind me.

“Raven,” he murmured softly in my ear. “You have been sitting by his side all day and night. You should rest.”

I steadied myself on the side if the bed and released Sethis’ hand.

“I did not realise you were here earlier,” I said.

“I had never left,” he replied. “I have been watching over him.” He turned me around to face him. “I will not let any harm come to him and will do all I can to see him through this.

I met his unfathomable gaze.

“For your sake.”

“Thank you,” I whispered. I felt close to tears. The sorrow in his eyes was unbearable. He turned from me and looked away.

“You should go. Dawn is close and time is running out if you are to find sustenance this night.”

I nodded and, glancing one last time at Sethis, left the room.

Not much wrong with that other than a grammatical error or two. Nothing a spell check won't fix.
Once again impressive.

hey nats copied and pasted this in to a word document am hoping to catch up at the weekend sorry i've been rubbish but i only have internet at work at the mo. love ya love me

Hi!

Wow, what a story! I said I was being terrible at reading at the moment, I keep starting a book, getting bored with reading slowly then skimming to the end - but this has me hooked on every word, awesome! Also the fact that it's on a screen means its significantly harder to skip great chunks, and I can't read the end and spoil it for myself! Not entirely sure I should have been reading it in my perception practical today, but then if they will make us sit behind computers for two hours.....Only got up to chapter 8 so far, but I will be trying to catch up as fast as possible! (And once I have will be asking if you've got any books I can borrow to read :p)The characters are great, I feel like I know Raven already. Keep writing!

I've just finished reading, and wanted to say thank you. It is so, so, so long since I've been transported to another world like that....I didn't realise how much I'd missed it. Coming back to the world of unwritten essays and impossible poi tricks is a bit of a shock though! Also makes me jealous I was never any good at writing - I'll just settle for reading, I hope there's going to be more "Raven" on here soon?

Phantom - Is that you, Sam? ;-p Glad I could be of service lol And how did you find Raven anyway?! I don't recall telling you about it...sly girl

Well, it says on your profile about the fact that you're writing a book, then it came up on the news feed that you'd joined a fantasy writing group. I was just being nosy really, you don't mind do you? It hasn't done my essays/practical reports much good though!

After reading through everything you've written so far, I'm fair hooked Akroma. I certainly wish I had your gift for creating believable characters.

I eagerly await the next installment.