Thread: Raven (Vampires, Werewolves, Demons, Angels!)

heh about my other post I was a lil intoxicated (not that I didn't mean it I just could've used some better words)

Yes, that did sound somewhat like an out of it statement.
I feel like smiling {high on life}

Recomendations:
Coltonskiner's story is really good with a lot of depth and shows promise. Also, if you look at Cadaver's "the horror of satan", it to has quite a bit of potential.


To Akroma: Your story is going AWESOME! Kick butt, 5 stars no doubt.=D>

Wow, that was all so random.
PS " I discovered smilies!"

cadaver's story is only 4 lines long though...how do you see potential? i just a base for a story

edit: i read it over...it is decent, it's got potential for a story if it is beefed up a little

i read the first part of the Raven prologue about snow up until the i am not moved by the wind and unbitten by the cold...i got chills (the good kind)...AMAZING

I am quite fond of the idea of vampires etc in the story love how is is done

Akroma: The thing is I see everything in my head as if it was a film playing...and then I write what I see...It's the only way I can get people to see what I see I guess...If you have any tips on how to make it better they'll be greatly appreciated!

That is my experience when writing fantasy also ... like a movie, only one in which I can climb inside, pause for detail, change perspective when required ... and return to completely change a scene that didn't work after all ...

I have absolutely no tips on how to make it better ... I concur with the majority here, and look forward to a completed hard copy which I will then add to my library ... though it shall first take pride of place on my bedside table - reading from a screen is such a chore, I find ...

Akroma, at the beginning of this thread, you made a point about plagiarism and using names ... would it disappoint you to know that some of the names you've included have already been in published works?
Galahad is the obvious one ...
but also Raven?
and Asperia?

Raven: Swordmistress of Chaos was published quite a few ago, and Raven is the name of the main character. I forget the author (all of my books are still packed in cartons from my recent house move), and Asperia as a place name rang loud bells as soon as I saw it, though as yet I cannot place the source - my feeling is that it was in a science fiction story rather than a fantasy.

There may be others; some are certainly similar, but that in no way detracts from the originality of the story as far as I am concerned.

Good luck with your studies, and please don't stop sharing your wonderful imagination ...

awwwww that was a low blow Cran now she might have to change the name from raven! then where will her little pet go? Where will the city? THE LAND?! THE WORLD!!!!!!! AHHHHH *Cough* *Cough* sorry about that...But I'm still waiting for the next installment...not patiently though lol

Originally Posted by Cran

at the beginning of this thread, you made a point about plagiarism and using names ... would it disappoint you to know that some of the names you've included have already been in published works?
Galahad is the obvious one ...
but also Raven?
and Asperia?

Yeah, I mean some of the names are pretty normal...like Galahad and Raven as you say, it would be silly to claim them as my own! Galahad was a knight on the round table and there are loads of people/characters called Raven lol. I just found out the other day that 'Hsaru' is from Diablo and where's 'Asperia' from?! I thought I was clever and made it up all by myself Oh well. Great minds think alike eh? I just didn't want anyone to start writing a story about a band of vampires and werewolves called Raven, Galahad, Keenar, Lexan and Lorcan lol.

Originally Posted by Akroma

I just found out the other day that 'Hsaru' is from Diablo and where's 'Asperia' from?! I thought I was clever and made it up all by myself Oh well. Great minds think alike eh? I just didn't want anyone to start writing a story about a band of vampires and werewolves called Raven, Galahad, Keenar, Lexan and Lorcan lol.

Fair enough ...

I haven't found which story I'd read that has Asperia as a place name - as I said, I think it was sci-fi rather than fantasy (and all of my sci-fi and fantasy are still in cartons) ... one of those stories (either novel or short story) where humans had colonised a number of worlds ...
I thought at the time the name might have come from that Latin phrase:
per aspera ad astra ... or something like that ...

Ah, man! Pushed to page six! That really means my muse has left me! lol. Well I hope I'm not ancient history just yet. Was kind of busy for the five weeks over easter and now I'm trying to get through a week of constant exams. Not good. Then after that 5 solid weeks of lab sessions and field trips and 3 projects to write! Ooh my life is so exciting right now!

But hopefully once the exams are out the way, I can push the university degree aside and work on more important things...LIKE RAVEN, DARN IT! I will get it published...I will...

Finally i thought you had forgotten about your story but i was wrong YAY

I rarely come online much anymore, when I do its mainly to see if you've posted something. I was also getting worried you wasnt gonna post anything further.

Good luck with your exams and stuff!

Tadaaa!!! The next bit of Chapter 10!!!

Chapter 10 continued...

Lylas studied me with her almond-shaped eyes.

“Can you feel it?” she asked.

I shook my head, not knowing what I was looking for. We were sitting in a domed room near the training quarters, a specially designed arena for practicing magic. The walls glowed in waves and ripples of blue light – some kind of sorcery that would absorb escaped magical energy and protect the building beyond. A large fireplace, big enough to fit ten people, sat dark and silent in one of the walls.

“I will cast a blocking spell to see if you notice anything different.”

She gestured and muttered a few words in the language of the Angels and all of a sudden I felt as if a whole piece of me was missing. It was wrong; disturbingly wrong. Lylas laughed at the look on my face.

“So you do have the gift! Being reborn a Werewolf or Vampire usually gives the individual a spark of Magic.”

I nodded and felt greatly relieved as she relinquished her spell on me. Something about being able to access that store of magic I’d never noticed before was warm and reassuring. No words could describe how it felt to have it caged off and out of my reach.

“You did that so easily,” I said. “Cast a blocking spell, I mean.”

“You were unaware and open to my sorcery,” she explained. “If you had been shielding and resisting my hex it would have been much harder. It also depends how strong the mage is. If the one I am cursing is far stronger than I, he could easily break the hex before it touched him and disperse my magic.”

I nodded.

“In order to process that potential magic into spells, you must do a lot of studying,” said Lylas. “You have to learn the language of the Angels, the different gestures and patterns, and take your mind to a new level of concentration. When you are adept enough you can omit the words and gestures and just use your mind. Like this.”

There was an explosion in the fireplace as flames roared to life. I reeled back in surprise but Lylas did not even flutter an eyelid.

“Ok, that was cool,” I said. She smiled and extinguished the fire with an almost lazy wave of her hand.

She reached behind her and produced a thick crumbling tome. She placed it before me and opened it to the first page.

“Study this and you will be shaping your magic in no time. Within this tome are incantations, their meaning in the Common tongue and the gestures that complete the spell. I can help you with pronunciation but you have to feel the magic. You must shape it with your mind and release it through your hands.”

I drew a deep breath. It was a daunting task but I was ready to learn.

“To start off we shall try a simple spell for fire. There is just one word you need utter and that is kielek, the word for fire. At the same time you must draw the symbol for fire in the air, like so,” and she showed me a simple gesture with her hand. “Then you must focus your mind on an external object and direct your spell at it.”

I took a deep breath and focused on the fireplace.

“Kielek,” I said whilst drawing the symbol in the air, and I felt a rush of warmth flow through my arm and tingle my fingers as the invisible sorcery left my hand. Sparks flew off the charred logs and tiny flames rose to flicker for a moment before they guttered and died. Though my attempt had paled in comparison to Lylas’ explosion of flames, I sat in shock of the conjuring I had just completed. My eyes wide, my mouth hanging open and my arm still outstretched, I could still feel the tingle of sorcery on my fingertips.

“I really have magical power inside of me…” I whispered.

Lylas smiled.

“And you will only become better at using it. You must feel it with your heart,” she said. “Summon it with all your soul; concentrate upon the heat and the flames.” She nodded in encouragement.

I focused my will once again on the fireplace and concentrated with all my being on shaping my Gift into fire. My mind seemed to go into a trance and suddenly I could feel the heat, feel the flicker of the flames as they danced inside me; that elemental force rising like an electrical ball of energy ready to burst out of my outstretched palms. My fingers traced the symbol in the air as if they had lives of their own, and as my tongue formed the word that completed the incantation my mouth burned and blistered with power. A searing pain lanced down my arm as if my bones had turned into white hot metal and the fireplace burst into flames, an explosion so intense that we were thrown back. The wall was swallowed in a roaring sheet of fire, the carpet curling under the inferno.

Lylas’ reaction was instantaneous. She stretched out her arms and cried out in a commanding voice that filled the dome with reverberating echoes. At once I felt the icy blast of a blizzard as a whirlwind roared to life within the underground arena. Driving ice and snow battered my face and the flames were immediately quenched of all life. The wind died and I was left huddled on the ground cradling my burnt arm, my lips and nose bleeding from the force of my power. Flakes of snow clung to my black hair and stuck to my eyelashes.

“Are you alright?” Lylas asked.

I nodded. My wounds would heal.

Lylas breathed a deep sigh and sat back down before me. A warm breeze filled the air and melted the ice around us, drying our clothing as the water evaporated in wisps of steam. I looked to the fireplace and found it as it was before, glowing blue and without damage. I swept my eyes back to Lylas and found her studying me with a hard gaze.

“That was some display of magic,” she said quietly. “You may have more potential than we thought.” Something surged up inside me at her words that made me want to laugh and dance at my new-found gift, but I just nodded, barely managing a smile with my burnt mouth.

Lylas reached out and gently laid a hand on my arm. She closed her eyes and was silent for a while.

“What are you doing?” I asked as best I could, slurring badly.

“Assessing the damage…” she mumbled. “Healing you a little through magic…” The pain began to lessen until it was nothing but a dull ache, but the skin still looked badly scorched.

“Lorcan is the master of healing in this house,” she said. “But I think you will be alright.” She removed her hand and gently placed her fingers on my lips, closing her eyes as she sent her magic flowing into me.

“I did not expect your spell to be so powerful at this stage,” she said, her eyes still closed as she concentrated on healing me, “but there is something you must learn if you are to continue casting spells at this magnitude.” She opened her eyes to look squarely into mine. “And that is control.”

I stared in silence, waiting for her to continue.

“The spell can be powerful, yes, but if you do not control how it leaves you and contain its force, it can consume you. Magic is a dangerous weapon, not just for your foe but for you as well. The more powerful the conjuring, the more control you must have upon it else it burst from your body and kill you within seconds. This is why we use our hands. It lets us use our arms as channels for the magic and our minds subconsciously compact the flowing force so it may travel safely through our fingers. Only three people I know have released a force that has radiated from every aspect of their body and survived. Two of them are the leaders of this coven. The other you know well.”

My eyes widened as I realised of whom she was talking. Lylas nodded.

“Yes, Keenar has managed it once; down in that dungeon in Trelise. But she had gone into a frenzy and has no recollection of how she did it then. She has tried since but at great cost to her life each time.” Lylas paused, as if she was going to add something else, but then she just smiled and said, “Enough training for today. You should rest and heal your wounds.” She helped me to my feet and picked up the heavy tome.

“Read this,” she said. “It will explain everything and help you in controlling your power. We will meet in a few days to see how you have progressed.”

I nodded and smiled with my renewed lips. Taking the book with my good arm, I turned to leave but stopped short.

“So…why use ordinary weapons? Why not use sorcery all the time if it’s so powerful?”

Lylas regarded me for a moment.

“Using magic, especially in this day and age, tires you quickly. Not only does it draw from your potential Gift but it draws on your body’s energy. In combat it is best to reserve your energy at all costs. You are no use to anyone when you cannot even have the strength to flee your pursuers.”

I nodded in understanding.

“Concentration is also an issue but can be overcome. In the heat of battle the mind can be in turmoil and casting a spell amidst distraction is a whole different matter entirely. Also, other people are not as strong as you, Raven. Your powers are indeed promising but the only other adept mages apart from me are Keenar, Lexan and Lorcan.” Her eyes slid to the katana by my side. “Our weapons, as you know, have other properties. Sorcery cannot destroy a soul. Mutate it, yes, but not destroy it. Nothing is stopping the evil spirits from fleeing back to Naberus and gaining new bodies. The soul must be destroyed and only the weapons blessed by Hsaru, mixed with the blood of angels, can do that. Keep all this in mind the next time you find yourself in combat.”

I thanked Lylas for the lesson and exited the dome, heading towards my room, determination already bubbling up inside me as I itched to open the book and begin reading at once.

THAT WAS AMAZING I LOVE IT!!!!!! YOU TRULY ARE A MASTER!!!!!
MORE MORE MORE!!!

awwwwwwwwwwww I want moreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee =P hmmm
Maybe if i re-read ur entire thread everytime theres a new post I'll use more time......hmmmm