Thread: Raven (Vampires, Werewolves, Demons, Angels!)

Aww, keep up the excellent work Akroma!!!

Cefor

Ok,!! ok here's the next bit! I haven't had anyone to proof read it or anything so it may change if sentenses don't make sense or if Lorcan says something silly...It's mostly talking but enjoy!

Chapter 10 continued...

I stood facing the wolf and the vampire. Their frozen expressions stared back at me through the grains of wood, never changing and ever vigilant. I too stood unmoving before the doors of my Leaders’ chambers.

As I had progressed through the mansion, my excitement had ebbed away to be replaced by nervousness. By the time I had reached my destination my heart was pounding and my hands shook as I raised a fist to knock upon the entrance. The sound echoed down the deserted corridor; candle flames flickered.

I waited but no answer bade me enter. I raised my hand again and an unseen gust of wind pushed the door open a crack. I hesitated a moment then reached out a hand and pushed it wider, stepping inside with bated breath.

At first glance the lodgings seemed to be empty, but my eyes were drawn to the fireplace and there, lying upon the rug, was a wolf the size of a bear. Its long grey fur looked as soft as silk, and I longed to stroke it but did not approach the sleeping beast. I turned as quietly as I could but, before I could reach the door, silent words formed in my head.

<Leaving so soon?>

I turned to find Lorcan’s long muzzle pointing up at me, his blue eyes wide and alert. Words died on my lips.

“I…I…”

<Come, sit with me by the fire> he indicated with a point of his black nose. I dared not defy him.

I seated myself on the soft rug next to his imposing bulk, feeling the warmth of the fire wash over me. I closed my eyes and breathed a long sigh, feeling my body relax. When my eyes opened, Lorcan was studying my face.

<Is there something on your mind?>

I nodded and considered my words carefully.

“I found myself in the graveyard tonight.” He nodded, encouraging me.

“I am not certain of what I saw but…”

<Go on.>

“I think he was an Angel.”

If Lorcan was surprised, he gave away not one shard of his emotions.

“His skin was dark grey, his hair and eyes silver…” My heart was beating fast again, just remembering his magnificence; the look in those eyes… “His wings were beautiful.” It was all I could say. No words could fully describe what I had seen. The room was silent for a while before Lorcan spoke.

<His name is Orias, Angel of the Moon. I have not seen him for many centuries.>

“Angel of the Moon?”

<Indeed, there are many different Angels. K’rana, the Fire Angel, has blazing red skin and hair that falls in flames about her fierce face. The feathers upon her wings are gold and red as if woven from leaves plucked from the boughs of autumn. She is a fair sight to look upon.>

His eyes had gone distant and I did not interrupt his train of thought. I wondered if the Angel of Fire and the Lord of Werewolves ever had anything between them.

Lorcan shook himself, his grey fur rippling in waves down his body.

<What was Orias doing in a graveyard?>

“I wondered the same thing. He was standing at a grave…and weeping. Why would that be?”

The wolf’s eyes softened.

<It is no rare thing when immortals fall in love with mortals. She must have been someone remarkable to capture the heart of an angel.>

“Then…surely once she died she would have joined him in Dantalion?” I was confused. “Keenar told me that most humans no longer have immortal souls except for the few that do some great good in their lives; those few who manage to ascend.”

Lorcan nodded.

<This is true. But not all reach Dantalion. Vorrac prides himself in stealing souls. Even the purest of hearts can be taken and twisted; tortured and mutilated into another Demon of his army of Darkness. Any amount of time in the realm of Naberus can crack even the strongest souls. No-one survives long down there as they break your soul in ways unimaginable to the living.>

His lips had curled into a frightening snarl revealing rows of sharp white fangs. The hackles on his back were bristling ever so slightly. I shivered.

“So…this person whom the angel fell in love with…you think their soul was intercepted in its ascent and taken to Naberus?”

<Yes. Or the soul was destroyed altogether.>

“But what can destroy souls?” I asked, alarmed.

Lorcan’s eyes slid to the Katana by my side. I followed his gaze. The sword, so innocent in its black scabbard, now looked foreboding. I drew out the blade and the symbols glared at me, already aflame with red light.

“These swords destroy souls?” I breathed.

<Indeed, Raven. What else could destroy the creatures of Naberus? Demons, the Marekk…they are all souls corrupted and twisted in the dungeons of hell. And Vorrac’s own creations – we cannot allow them to flee back to him after their physical bodies have been shed. Their souls must be destroyed; consumed by the blood of Angels. Fortunate for us, they have not yet found a substance in Naberus that can do the same. They cannot destroy our spirits, only our bodies. Just pray to Hsaru they don’t take your soul.>

“So it is only the Angel’s blood that can consume spirits,” I said, my eyes wide.

Lorcan nodded. <They themselves, who live in Dantalion, have no souls. If they are destroyed, there is no essence to carry on their existence. There is nothing. Life ends and they remember nothing more.>

“Why does Vorrac not capture the Angels and force their blood into their weapons?”

<It has been attempted before but Angels are stronger than they appear and have great magical abilities. Also, servants of Naberus cannot enter Dantalion. Hsaru keeps his borders well protected. Not even Vorrac himself can break those defences. Naberus has no such borders. That land is ruled by chaos and anarchy and anyone who dares enter those lands will not come out again unchanged, if they come back out at all. Once you are caught, it is over. Your soul is theirs for the rest of eternity.>

Despite the heat of the fire I felt cold and began to shiver. Lorcan rose to his feet, his head towering far above mine, and padded closer. I became surrounded by warm soft fur and smiled at him gratefully. His musky earthy scent filled my nose and I ran a hand through his shaggy pelt.

<These are dangerous times, child, but have courage. We are together in this never ending war, and together we shall see it through.>

Warmth spread through my body and I relaxed. The wolf looked down at me with kindly eyes and I met them with renewed hope.

“Can the Army of Darkness use our weapons against us?” I asked.

<No> Lorcan assured me. <Remember, each weapon has been blessed by Hsaru himself. Any hand that would touch this blade with evil in their hearts would instantly perish.>

I sat in silence for a while, letting all that was said sink in. Suddenly I remembered the strange language that Orias had used and asked Lorcan about it. As I relayed the message, I felt his body stiffen.

<It is the language of the Angels. If you had started your lessons with Lylas, you would know a little of it. It is the language of magic and is used for incantations for spells, but Lylas will explain.>

“What did he say?”

Lorcan hesitated.

<A vision has been seen. Something nefarious is coming, but what, the Angels cannot say. Troubled times lie ahead and a major clash between the forces of good and evil has been foreseen.> Lorcan shook his head. <Which side will emerge the victor, none can say.>

The wolf looked down into my startled face.

<Talk to Lylas. It is time you discovered your Gift.>

Akroma!!!!! I wuv ur story! I'm soooo happy you've been writing on it for so long I rlly can't wait for more! I can feel my 13yr old mind BOTTLING itself...ya u know when you think so hard ur mind gets trapped like in a bottle?...yah...no NE ways...Continue on with ur story!

*edit* ...I am frieking out right now..I posted that after I read the Prolouge but then I read all you have...WOW! I am so amazed..This is DEFINETELY somthin I would read again AND again! I read The Priest of Blood..good Vampire story..If I could have a book of YOUR story RIGHT now instead of it..I would b a VERY happy person. If you EVER EVER EEEEEEEEVVVVA get this published (whitch it WILL if u finish) I will buy this RIGHT when it comes out and add it to my collection!!!!! I'm so amazed someone who is not even a published author can write sooo well! this is hands down the BEST story I have read on the net..The whole reason I even started my lil ol werewolf storie is cause It would keep ur story fresh in my mind. (cause of the fact it has vamps and werewolves..) The ONLY thing (not a big deal though) Is that I like it when Werewolves look kinda human but they are HUGE And furry WITH uncontrollable fury lol but your Werewolves are excellet! This story has probably changed my whole outlook on the net I am looking forward to your story! My 13yr old mind cannot TAKE this pressure! If you ever do leave this as a teaser...I will cry looong and hard lol. I will b checking this thread daily for your next chapter! (Is there a hall of fame for the best stories here?? If there is..UR #1!!! Unless theres some old forgotten thread with a better story..But I highly doubt it Well Thats all I wanted to say so peace! (I'm also a pyro bwahahahahha) and write more PEEEEEEZ!!!

Woah, man! Go on any longer and you'll have to give my ego a huge squash down!! Wow I'm so glad you love it. It means a lot. Don't worry I think I will be carrying on and posting it here, plus easter's coming up so I can get into a writing frenzy lol. I have so many ideas running through my head that they're all written down on bits of scrap paper, reciepts, napkins...lol. Always write down your ideas. The story's gonna get darker and darker with lots of deaths and stuff so it could get exciting

More. Must...have...more!!
This is really good, and I mean really good, definately good enough to be published (in fact, please finish it right now and publish it because I don't think I can possibly wait another second to find out what happens! ). It might be an idea to get copyright though, because a story of this standard should be protected.
But please keep on writing. Now. This very second. Please?

Very interesting. I'm a vampire nut so I think I'll enjoy this. There was one typo, you wrote "grieve and envy" instead of "grief and envy" right before the final paragraph. I look forward to more!!

Yay! additions have been made!Wait when did Raven go from being kidnapped to talking to a werewolf?

Originally Posted by Quillpen

Yay! additions have been made!Wait when did Raven go from being kidnapped to talking to a werewolf?

Kidnapped?! Raven would never let herself be kidnapped! What is this newfangled notion you speak of? Would you like me to kidnap her? lol. All that's happened is she's seen this Angel, astounded she runs home, finds Keenar and Galahad in a particularly wierd position then goes to find Lorcan and Lexan to tell them of this Angel. Dear girl I shall have none of this kidnapping in my story

Ok, I'm going to sleep now, but before I go, I'll say this: I think the piece is overly cinematic, which is a common characteristic of the genre, but an irksome one nonetheless. I'll explain more fully when I wake.

Nice as always, Akroma. Um... what can I say that hasn't already been said? I can't remember if I mentioned it already, but I find putting werewolf speech in <pointy arrows> a little strange to read. But that's all I guess.

I am very pathectic in deed.I got the story confused for about 2o minutes with Nosferatu. it is also about vampire and apprentice.

As usual, another well written piece. Keep up the good work. ^_^

Originally Posted by Quillpen

I am very pathectic in deed.I got the story confused for about 2o minutes with Nosferatu. it is also about vampire and apprentice.

XD

Originally Posted by Jolly McJollyson

I think the piece is overly cinematic, which is a common characteristic of the genre, but an irksome one nonetheless.

I guess you're right. The thing is I see everything in my head as if it was a film playing...and then I write what I see...It's the only way I can get people to see what I see I guess...If you have any tips on how to make it better they'll be greatly appreciated!

First of all chapter 10 is an amazing piece, the way you described Galahad and Keenars training, the inner joke, nice. Raven seems to somewhat fear the two brothers, Lorcan and Lexan. Good, shows your characters still have emotions, and even vampires and werewolves demonstrate fear. Your new character Scaron seems like a barrel of laughs.

Secondly you mentioned your new idea about druids, I'll say this to you, after Raven you sure you can master another masterpiece?