Thread: Raven (Vampires, Werewolves, Demons, Angels!)

At this rate Akroma will be P.M'ing the entire forum

err akroma r u goin to write more and post??

I just joined and read the story with which i think it might be too late in posting. As much as i don't like vampires this one actually kept me reading even though i was thinking great now i'm going to get a nightmare. You have a poetic way of putting things. Wouldn't mind reading an ebook version of the whole thing.

I'm sorry, guys. I think I will carry on and post here but at the moment it's the last two weeks of term and I have 5 projects/essays to hand in so I'm afraid I've given the Vampire and Werewolf population a rest. You know, let Raven recharge her batteries - go to a beauty parlour and get a facial, perhaps grab a fit dude from The Sanctuary and get laid, brush up on her art skills...

Don't worry it'll be the Easter break soon - 5 weeks of working in a dumb supermarket full of the local village idiots and revising for 5 exams...like that's ever going to happen, so I'm sure Raven will be back on her feet in no time and having lots of adventures!

Riversource, I have seen Nightwatch! It's absolutely awesome and the photography in it's amazing! I'll have to remember to send it back to you! When are the other two films coming out? It's part of a trilogy isn't it?

Heya, Onyxprop! I'm glad you enjoy it! No nightmares yet? Darn, I'm not trying hard enough Just kidding, I wouldn't want to inflict a nightmare upon anyone. I love you're avatar by the way! Oddly enough I've just set the same picture as my desk top! lol. But Riku kicks ass. I've never played Kingdom Hearts myself because I don't have a console but I've watched too many videos on it on youtube to know what it's about....and really really wishing I could play it lol cos it looks absolutely amazing!

Well I guess I better give you guys a little bit more just to keep your appetites up but the rest is still on paper...I'll have to type it up sometime...

Chapter 10 continued...

The darkness enclosed me and I felt the slight feeling of vertigo in the pit of my stomach as I descended. The doors opened and I stepped out into the hall of pillars, urgently clattering down the spiral stairs. I suddenly came to a halt as a dark figure burst out from behind a book shelf.

“Scaron!” I gasped, my heart pounding from the sudden shock. “You frightened me. Do not jump out at me like that again!”

The young werewolf before me grinned and started giggling, doubling up in childish laughter at the jest of it, a rare accomplishment sneaking up on the great Raven!

Scaron was not like a normal werewolf. Lylas had warned me of this, her being his cousin and the only family he had. He was coming on eighteen years old, his body already taking on the characteristic lean and muscular form of the immortal, but his mind would never be like ours. He was a child inside, and would always remain so, his brain unable to develop any further. Had he been a mortal, he would surely be dead before he had reached sixteen. I looked at this boy, just as tall as I, as he laughed with innocent pleasure and my reaction to his sudden attack, his thin brown hair getting in his eyes.

This was not the first time Scaron had sneaked up on me. He’d done it several times before in fact, though most of the time he was unsuccessful. I could always hear his giggling. Despite my urgency, I smiled and put my hands on his shoulders.

“Scaron,” I said quietly. He looked up at me but could not keep a straight face, a grin breaking out on his lips after a moment of struggling to keep it hidden.

“Why don’t you go and play with Crow? Or Jarleth perhaps, I know he is up in the club…you find me in a bit of a hurry and I have no time for games right now.”

The grin on his handsome, yet slightly dirty face immediately fell. Disappointment filled his simple eyes and he tugged on my coat.

“But you promised,” he said, his tone so much like a boy’s but deep like a man’s. It had taken time to get used to it. “You promised! No breaking promises. You shouldn’t break promises.” My heart sank as he stood looking at the floor, shuffling his feet. “Lylas says it’s bad,” he added after a pause. “Bad, bad…promises…” he mumbled to himself, picking something from his nose and scrutinizing it seriously.

I felt so sorry for him. He was like a little brother to me and I loved him like any big sister would. I tenderly brushed his hair out of his eyes and touched his cheek which brought the smile back onto his lips.

“Listen,” I said to him. “I just need to talk with The Brothers and then I’ll come and play with you, ok?”

Scaron thought about it, and then decided it would suffice, nodding slowly. He took my hand and shook it, like two children making a secret pact. “Later,” he confirmed. “Later,” he repeated again.

“Now run along and see if you can stay out of trouble.”

He nodded and grinned again, making his way back down the stairs. Suddenly he stopped as if forgetting something, and came back to give me a little kiss on the cheek, then hopped down the stairs again, his laughter trailing behind him as I heard him yell with glee, “Ah, I scared you! I scared you, Raven!” his giggling making me smile. Shaking my head I carried on down. Talon flew ahead, probably to Alaric who always kept a few scraps of meat for him in his room.

I found Keenar and Galahad in the training halls. Both had a sword in each hand – two blades each, sharp and glinting wickedly. As I entered, I noticed that the swords Keenar possessed were those of Galahad’s mother. The two figures were moving together in sleek, swift fluidity, two shadows amongst a whirlwind of gnashing knives and swirling blades. But, like Lexan and Lorcan before, they complemented each other perfectly, every blow anticipated and blocked or nimbly dodged. The perspiration gleamed on their skin and their evocative eyes were set in concentration.

I stood on the side and watched quietly, careful not to interrupt the intense dance that they were locked in. Sooner or later one of them will win and I waited patiently, wondering who would emerge the victor.

Suddenly Galahad swung his leg round the back of Keenar’s, their swords still flashing, and pushed her backwards, Keenar’s eyes widening in shock as she fell. Galahad caught her with one arm and, in the same instant, pressed a sword to her chest, the sharp point inches from her breastbone. It was instantaneous, a sudden direct halt. One moment they were a tornado of knives, the next they stood as still as statues in a blink of an eye. A mischievous smile curled Galahad’s lips.

“Looks like I win,” he said.

Keenar raised an eyebrow, the same mischievous look in her eyes.

“Oh really?”

Confusion passed over his face and he looked down. There, sure enough, was one of Keenar’s swords pressed between his legs, much too close to his manhood for his liking. He looked back at her, the grin now replaced with an awkward tight-lipped expression as he cleared his throat. Now it was her turn to grin, a roguish smile forming on her lips as she subtly slid the blade enticingly up his leg and pressed the point against him.

“You cheeky devil,” he growled, his lips curling into a snarl and he leaned in to kiss her. Their lips locked together and they seemed to forget the blades pressing against each other, Keenar held weightlessly in his arms.

After a while I cleared my throat. The kiss was broken and I looked down at my feet as they straightened up, sheathing swords and looking a little embarrassed.

“Raven,” said Keenar, blushing slightly, “we thought you were out. Where did you go anyway?”

“That’s not important,” I said urgently. “Listen, I saw an angel!”

Keenar and Galahad suddenly stopped. Both looked serious now, listening intently.

“What?” said Galahad incredulously. “You saw an Angel from the other plain?!”

I nodded, trembling with excitement. “Not only that. He spoke to me!” I relayed the angel’s words to them, trying my hardest to recall that strange language.

“But what does it mean?” I asked.

“I know the language but you’re better off speaking to Lexan and Lorcan,” said Galahad.

I nodded.

“Yes I was on my way to see them when I bumped into you two. I shall go there now. They’re in their rooms aren’t they?” And before they could answer I was halfway out the door.

wow... I mean wow.
I just had the oppertunity to read chapter ten and I have to say, that was amazing! That was so... intimate and just simply real. I have something in the works concerning angels as well, but your story takes the cake.
People won't plagerize you, when your this great at relaying a story in detail, you've earned that respect. keep up the good work.

Yeah! that was awesome.I wish i had some of you're skill. I'm better at talking than imagery. Bad Quill bad.

I wouldn't want to inflict a nightmare upon anyone.

Douglas Clegg emailed me in reply telling me he prefers that his books give nightmares that way he knows he's done his duty. Yeah yeah, it's all because I told him I wouldn't buy his Priest of Blood book because it has vampires in it (of course I just bought it, last week! haven't read it yet though. Probably won't. I don't read books or watch movies for that matter with vampire skits that are extremely violent)
lol, anyways, do you have a website I can visit? to see what other work you've done?

Originally Posted by onyxprop

do you have a website I can visit? to see what other work you've done?

To be honest this is the only story I have ever written! I started it when I was seventeen and it's been three years in the making. That last bit I just posted is the last bit of the story I wrote a year ago, I've just finished re-writing it because the old version was crap. This one's much better - more plot and magic and the characters are more fleshed out. All the posts after this is coming straight from my head - stuff I've always thought about but never got onto paper. I've spent so long on this it's my baby lol.

But I do have some ideas for a story after this one - set in Raven's world but way before the magic began to fade, before Keenar's time. Lexan and Lorcan wll be making an appearance of course but it won't be about Vampires or Werewolves. More about this Druid and his apprentice.

nice me lyk need more stat!

That would be a cooli dea. Just don't let a new story take away your time from a current one.

Congratulations Akroma, you just made yourself a new fan.

I just spent a very enjoyable half hour or so reading the first ten chapters, and damn, I'm impressed.

Please keep posting here? Im hooked already...

Well done Akroma, your writing is top notch as always. I wondered if there was something I'd missed when you started name-dropping, but then I really felt for Scaron. *hugs*
I especially loved the mini fight scene between Galahad/Keenar. Galahad was gonna get netured! XP

Well I just now finished Chapters 1 - 10. My opinion......................fantastic I especially love the way the story is so descriptive, it's almost like I'm actually there looking at the objects\people your describing. I love stories that do that; gives me a much better mental image thus making it easier to read. I kinda have to agree with the posts that talked about the copyright issue though; it is very possible someone might try to steal it. You might wanna think about getting a copyright on it which is about $45 I think (don't hold me too it), but compared to the money you could make if you published it, that's nothing. So good work Akroma, and I look forward to seeing more of your work in the future (either being in posts or bookstores )

I read your prologue and a few early chapters, and I must say they are wonderfully written! Im a big fan of angels and demons and vampires, and I look forward to continuing onward in your book! One thing I must say about the prologue: I absolutely loved your description of Raven feeding on the young man, about how he had a family and his girlfriend. I loved it! It made me feel so sad for him. You had me hoping he wouldnt die, thats how well you delivered that character.

I think you have a great story here, and should definitely look into getting it published!

Akroma i am dieing of boredom i need the next bit NOW!!!!! at least tell me when u think u will post it