jrudder

Ok, this is a sci-fi story I'm writing right now. It's set in the future, and that's basically all I want to say right now. I dunno how long "installments" generally are on this forum, so I'll post this and you can tell me if it's too long for one sitting, too short, or whatever. Also, am I supposed to start a new topic for each installment, or just continue posting installments in the same topic? Comments are welcome and critiques are very welcome. EDIT: I shortened this up for ease of reading for y'all. It ends a bit awkwardly because I cut out right in the middle of something, but w/e.





On a dusty, sandy street in the contested city of Barus on the desert planet Gylos, Sergeant Harlan Jackson pressed himself closely against the wall and slowly looked around the corner. He quickly scanned the street and pulled his head back just in time to see a laser bolt whiz right through the space where his head had just been. “Sniper!” he whispered loudly to the four men stacked against the wall behind him. “Adams, Tyrek, go around back and provide suppressing fire. I think he’s up on the roof of the warehouse.”

“Roger that,” replied one of the soldiers, and he and another turned and scampered down an alley. Jackson waited for a few moments, and then heard the high-pitched whine of laser weapons being fired some distance away. Knowing that Adams and Tyrek had begun their diversion, Jackson spun around the corner, his LR-130 laser rifle coming up to his shoulder. His sights immediately centered on a long, thin, black object poking from the roof; laser bolts peppered the stone around it. Jackson followed the object to the right and saw a man’s head. He squeezed the trigger and a single scarlet laser bolt seared through the man’s head. The man and the object, obviously a sniper rifle, fell off of the roof and landed on the dusty street with a crunch.

Jackson leapt up, followed by the two other soldiers, and sprinted down the street, his rifle swinging back and forth, ready to be shot at any targets. He made his way all the way to the building and saw Adams and Tyrek waiting back at the mouth of an alley. With a motion of Jackson’s hand, the two of them rushed over to where he was and crouching down next to their three comrades.

“This it?” asked Adams.

“Looks like it,” replied Jackson. “Alright, there should be a door around to the left here, and once we get there, you know the drill. Understand?”
“Roger that,” replied the four other soldiers. The five men moved quickly around the left side of the building and found the door they were looking for. It was unguarded, perhaps to subvert suspicion of the building, thought Jackson. He raised his fist in the air so his squad would stop, then advanced on the door and raised his gloved hand to it. Slowly and carefully, Jackson turned the knob, and the door slowly slid open.

“Hey!” shouted a voice on the inside of the door. “What was that?” Jackson quickly retreated back to his squad and pulled out a particle pistol. A man dressed in desert camouflage and carrying a laser rifle stepped out of the open door, and Jackson pulled the trigger. A silent phht was the only sound emitted by the pistol, and a single bullet punched into the man’s neck, sending him down silently. Jackson got up and somersaulted towards the door, coming out of his roll right at the open doorway. He saw three more soldiers dressed like the man he had just killed, and pulled the trigger three times. All three of the soldiers fell to the ground dead, their expressions frozen in surprise.

“Let’s go,” whispered Jackson, and he moved quickly into the room, followed closely by his squad. The room was large, and it appeared to be a delivery port. There was a large sliding door at the front that would allow trucks to come in, and an elevated ferocrete loading dock extended halfway through the room. Opened boxes and barrels littered the area, and Jackson quickly saw there was nothing of value in this room. He motioned to his squad to continue moving through the warehouse, telling one man to stay behind as a lookout.

Jackson and his squad were on a mission to find two high-ranking generals of the Routeussan Grand Army. They were supposedly meeting in this warehouse today to discuss something, and it baffled the Tantive command as to why they did not meet in the security of a Routeussan base. For this reason, Jackson had been deployed to figure out what they were meeting about and why they were meeting in a warehouse. He and his squad were part of the Space Marines, the military of the Tantives.

The Tantive System is a medium-sized system of five planets that together form a single entity: the Tantive Federation. These planets are Laregne, Searus, Tantive Prime, Tantive Minor, and Adelo. Tantive Prime, more commonly known as simply Tantive, was the capital, a planet full of huge, bustling cities and home to the Tantive Council, a representative body of fifteen men and women, three from each planet. The Tantives are a highly industrialized race of humans, having achieved hyperspeed technology around the year 2000 AD, while the Earthinians were still marveling over traveling to their moon. Their weaponry and armor is among the most advanced in existence, helping the Space Marines to be known as the most elite fighting force in the galaxy.

aliceedelweiss

Hey there, I haven't read over it yet (it's length, woah. lol) but I read your note at the top so I figured I'd answer the questions. Installments, I would say, are usually 500-1000 words. or just like pick the first 5/8 paragraphs or something and put it up. One thing you'll learn, people are lazy.

And if you make more installments, give it its own threat. call it "death and glory (part 2)" or something.

I really want to read this (I love critiquing, yay!) but its awesomely long...no offense meant (!!!) your obviously new. I think you'd have a better chance of getting people to read it if it was shorter, and around the length I said above. I really hope this helped, and I'll come back to read it if it gets shorter. And if it doesn't, I'll read it anyways. Nothing like reading! hee

Alice

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jrudder

Ok, thanks for letting me know. Unfortunately, this story is really, really long (eh, I'm at 50 pages in MS Word so far and the core plot has just started to be revealed), so should I still post multiple topics about it? I'll shorten up this first installment for ease of reading. Thanks again.

aliceedelweiss

well, maybe you should just post a bit of the begining, see who likes it, and then ask if anyone would like to read the rest of it or think itwould be good. I know one person who did this. Blackhawk (thats not his exact screen name though, I can never remember it) did an 8 part series, and then ended it saying this is the begining to a huge novel about *blah* would anyone concider it good? so you could always do that. or shorten it either way, its up to you. and I don't think its wise to post the whole story if its 50 pages in, and your just getting to it, heh. well, I got to get reading!

Alice

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jrudder

I might do that. How did the people read the rest of it, though? Did he continue to post it?

aliceedelweiss

no, he did. He didn't have them continue to read the rest, mostly because it wasn't written yet. He just put the idea out there of "how would this sound as a novel, has it been done before?"

Heres my thoughts of this:

It's pretty good, even though I'm not big on sci-fi. I think for a beginning (please take no offense) you could pick a better scene (unless its specifically about war and snippers and what not) because it didn't really catch my interest, I don't really know what the plot is yet, or anything other than the information given at the end. of course, I kind of half payed attention while reading it, my music was distracting me...

It reads really well though, the only thing I caught was

maybe you could say "He made it all the way to" or something.

One way you could shorten it, if it seems to fit with your plot and story, since I have no idea what this is about I can't really say much to that, maybe find a new place, closer to the main controversy or "change" to start at. Most of the times when you read about fiction people say fiction is about something "changing" and the effect caused by that. Which can be taken many different ways, but pretty much, start when things change. Of course, you don't have to listen at all to what I'm saying, it's only what I think I'm sure If i knew where you were going with this I could give a better reply...

Alice

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jrudder

The way I write my stories is kinda unique IMO...I start off by taking the viewpoint of a character doing/discovering something important, who is then never heard from again for the rest of the story. Jackson and his squad will discover something very important by the end of the chapter (the chapter was the entire part I posted earlier), so I think the reason it didn't grab your attention was because it was supposed to keep going. The story is set in a war, yes.

Eh, I'm gonna post this next part to continue on so I can get to a point where I can explain stuff and have it make sense:



While industrialized and highly advanced, the Tantives are also highly militaristic. A full five percent of the population serves in the Space Marines, which was divided into several branches. The first, and largest, is the Ground Force, the army of the Space Marines. The soldiers, or Marines as they are commonly referred to, wear body armor that is resistant to laser bolts fired at long range and totally resistant to particle weapons. This armor is called Blast Armor and consists of a breastplate which covers the entire chest, abdomen, and back; two shoulder plates which cover the shoulders and half of the upper arm; two elbow plates which cover the elbows and half of the forearm; two thigh plates which cover the front of the thighs; and two shin plates which cover the fronts of the shins. A helmet is also worn with a red blast shield covering the eyes to protect the wearer from blinding flashes of light, although the armor in the helmet is less tough than the actual blast armor.

This armor, along with the jumpsuit worn underneath it, is camouflaged to match the terrain of the current world of operation, and each Marine has four sets of body armor and fatigues: one for forests, one for deserts, one for urban areas, and one for snow. The Ground Force’s issued weapon is the LR-128B Laser Assault Rifle, a weapon capable of firing up to eight hundred meters, with an effective accuracy range of three hundred meters. The weapon is fully automatic and uses energy cells allowing two hundred shots per cartridge.

The Space Marine Ground Force also receives an intense amount of training. Each Marine must undergo a full five months of training in Boot Camp before being assigned to an active Ground Force Regiment. Marine recruits are drilled extensively, especially in marksmanship, resulting in a force of men and women who are the most accurate basic troops in the galaxy. They are trained in close combat to some extent, but the emphasis is on marksmanship. Marine recruits are also subjected to psychological abuse which, although harsh at the time, results in a force with very high morale and that will rarely run from battle.

The second branch of the Space Marines is the Navy, a smaller yet still large force that mans massive starships. Tantive ships are among the best in the galaxy, second only to the proud Earthinian navy, although the Tantives are more numerous. The largest Navy ship is the Titan-class, which is over five kilometers in length and bristles with over a thousand weapon emplacements. The Navy also contains within it the Fighter Corps, men and women who fly fighters and bombers against the enemy. The main fighter is the J-7, a superb machine, while the main Bomber is the H-26, capable of leveling buildings with ease.

The Aquatic Fleet is the third branch of the Space Marines. The Aquatic Fleet is a small, specialized branch that commands the wet navy of the Space Marines, manning boats and warships for use on the rivers and oceans of both home and enemy worlds. The fourth branch is the Colonial Marines, a group of men and women who protect the outer colonies of the Tantive Federation. They are generally the dregs of the Space Marines, assigned to the inglorious task of protecting the colonies because of failures, discipline problems, or because their commanders did not like them. The Colonial Marines are considered to be low-quality troops with poor discipline, and so often receive outdated weapons and have to rely on simple particle vests to protect them rather than the Blast Armor worn by full Marines. The fifth and final branch of the Space Marines is the Elite, which use advanced weapons such as the LR-130 Laser Assault Rifle. The Operatives also make extensive use of particle rifles and pistols because of their silencing ability, although they have less punch than laser weapons. Jackson and his squad were part of the Space Marine Elite, specializing in infiltration and stealth tactics. They had been assigned to discover the nature of the meeting because of their extensive training. Leaving one man behind as a lookout, Jackson and the other three Elite Operatives opened up a door and went down a hallway, looking for the two Routeussan Generals.

The Routeusseans hail from the planet Routessan, officially the Routeussan Republic, in the Solonian System. Routeussan is a huge planet covered almost exclusively in a desert thanks to its close proximity to the system’s star. Unfortunately, the other two planets in the Solonian System, Solonia and Serenia, are uninhabitable. The population of Routessan is well over fifteen billion people, but the planet is hardly overpopulated because of its massive size. The Routeusseans, like the Tantives, are advanced, although not as advanced as their counterparts, and heavily militarized. Almost one out of every fifteen people on Routessan is part of either the Grand Army or the Grand Fleet.

The Grand Navy is respectable, but not quite as well-equipped or manned as the Tantive Navy. The real military strength of the Routeusseans is the Grand Army. The Grand Army has well-trained infantry, although not to the extent of the Tantive Space Marines. Their armor is much weaker than Space Marines, unable to stop laser bolts at all, but their laser rifles are on par with the Tantives’. Whilst the Space Marines specialize in marksmanship, the Routeusseans are masters of close quarters fighting. Because of the harsh deserts of Routessan, the Routeusseans have to live in cities with high walls to prevent deadly sand storms from tearing people apart or burying them. This has led to the Routeussan Grand Army being trained extensively in urban and close-quarters combat, and the Routeusseans are extremely deadly in hand-to-hand fighting, able to disarm an opponent and kill them in a matter of seconds. They are also excellent at moving quietly and without being seen, and can apply that quickly to open areas, making them great light infantry. However, the Space Marine Elite were able to outsmart the Routeusseans and eliminate them quickly, and now Jackson and his team were moving ever closer to the two Generals.

While the team was advancing through the warehouse, checking room after room, the lone Operative left behind sat down and began to tinker with his rifle. As he did so, a shadow dropped from the ceiling onto the floor behind the operative with unnatural silence. The Operative, thinking he had heard something, stood up, grabbed his rifle in the ready position, and looked around carefully. The shadow froze, biding his time until the Operative sat back down. Once he did so, the shadow moved forward into the light, revealing itself to be a man. He was dressed in desert camouflage consisting of a tan base with brown tiger stripes, and a long tan bandana was wrapped around his head, exposing only his steely eyes. He was armed only with a long, curved knife, and a second knife was in its sheath on his belt. Moving quickly yet quietly he moved up right behind the Operative and grabbed the Space Marine’s mouth with one hand. With his other hand the man slashed his curved knife across the Operative’s throat, ending the short struggle. Wiping the blood off on his camouflaged trousers, the man silently followed the route the Elite team had taken minutes earlier, further into the warehouse.

At a different point in the warehouse, Jackson and his team could now hear voices coming from a door at the end of a hallway in the administrative section of the building. They quietly advanced towards the door in order to hear what was being said by the men inside. “We must contact the Republic immediately!” shouted an older-sounding man. “This must be made known to them. Gylos is too important for this to be kept in the dark. Look, if we tell the Republic about this, the money can be used towards getting more troops here to finish off the war.”

“No!” yelled a man with a hoarse, rough voice. “We found it, we should get to keep it. I don’t know about you but I’m sick and tired of this Goddamned hellhole. If we keep the money for ourselves, we can disappear with it and no one will know the better. You and me can disappear, go off to Earth or someplace quiet and live out the rest of our lives in peace. That sounds like a good plan to me. How ‘bout it?”

“You traitor,” said the first man, and then he added a slight laugh.

“What’s so funny?” asked the second man.

“You idiot!” shouted the first. “I knew you were a greedy bastard, you always were! Always looking to sell out the Republic for your own gains! Well now I’ve got you red-handed, and the Republic knows about it too! Everything we just said has been transmitted directly to the Defender in orbit, and from there it will be redirected to Congress. They will know about the nova here, and they will know about your treachery.”

“Damn you!” shouted the man with the hoarse voice, and Jackson heard the whine of a laser weapon being fired.

“Go!” shouted Jackson, and he leapt up and kicked the door open, instantly putting two laser bolts into the chest of a startled Routeussan general wearing a brown dress uniform. He fell backwards, his laser pistol falling to the ground. “Find the recorder and shut it off!” ordered Jackson, and he and his men swept the room, looking for a recording device.

“Got it, sir!” said one of the Operatives, pulling out his combat knife and jamming it under the table. There was a fizzle, and then silence. “That’s it, it’s out.”

“Good,” said Jackson. He reached up to his helmet and pressed the frequency button on his headset to bring up the Space Marine command on Gylos, in the city of Voen. “This is Eagle Two-Six, come in Command.”

“This is Command, go ahead, Eagle Two-Six,” replied a voice in the command center of the Space Marine headquarters.

“Our mission has been successful,” reported Jackson. “These two guys were meeting to discuss a stockpile of nova underneath Gylos somewhere. One of them was trying to set the other one up and there was a live feed to Routessan, so the Routeusseans already know it’s here.”

“There’s nova there?” asked the voice in surprise.

“Yes, sir,” replied Jackson. “From the way these guys were talking about it, it’s a shitload too. We need to let Tantive know about this.”

“I agree,” said the voice. “See if you can get any more intel off those two and then get out of there.”

“Roger that, sir,” said Jackson. “Eagle Two-Six out.” He flicked off his headset, but suddenly the hair on the back of his neck stood up. Spinning around, he saw a man leaping at him from the doorway, two knives in hand. Jackson instinctively pulled the trigger of his rifle before the man landed on him. The two of them fell backwards, but the man on top of Jackson did not move. Rolling the body off, Jackson examined the wounds his random laser blast had done; the bolts had completely ripped apart the internal organs of the man at such close range.

“Who was that?” asked one of the Operatives.

“A Routeussan…I think,” said Jackson, picking up one of the two knives. It was long and curved, and on the hilt there was carved the image of a scorpion, poised as if ready to strike. He looked at the uniform as well, tan with brown tiger stripes and a tan bandana. It was not a uniform Jackson had ever seen before. “I dunno who this guy is, but he’s definitely different than the Grand Army. No laser weapons at all, just these two knives, and his camo isn’t the regular splotchy stuff…it’s tiger stripe.”

“Weird,” said the Operative. “Maybe cut a bit off and take it back to Intel with the knife and see what they can do with it.”

“Yeah,” said Jackson. “Alright, saddle up, boys. Let’s get out of here.”

aliceedelweiss

heh well now that I understand where you're going (although I didn't read all you posted, I have to do geometry homework so I'll be hanging out in "depheres coffee shop" while doing geometry) but now that I know where you plan to go, i think the beginning works out nicely good luck with it, maybe I'll come back in a while and read the rest.

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Duvodas

I'm not really into the science fiction genre but I have to say that the story is just awesome. Reminds me of Starship Troopers, though.
I liked the fact that you were very descriptive at the beginning, and how you described the confederacy and gave a very good background of it, as well as the part regarding the different branches of the Space Marines.
I definetively like the armor, seems very cool.
By the way, can you tell me where I can find some of those LR-128B Laser Assault Rifle, it's definetively a gun to go to war with. (laughs)
The only thing I didn't like was the end, somehow I was disappointed by it. I thought that the stranger would kill them all. However, I can see that his death has a purpose. I'd also say that the guy is crazy, trying to attack a whole command with a knife, excuse me but that's suicide.Unless you explain late what his reasons were to commit such a foolishness. At least he could have waited till one of them was alone and kill them one by one, it's up to you. I think that if you would have killed while he was catched trying to kill one of them, it would have sounded better than a suicide scene.
Overall it was a good start and I would like to see more of it and how the plot develops after this part.

(hint hint lol)

jrudder

Me too.
Well, we don't actually revisit who these guys are for quite a while, but basically they can be summed up by what you said: "I'd also say that the guy is crazy".
Thankee, and here it is:





Commander Nordak Johganis stood in a shallow trench and looked out over the vast desert sands of Gylos. The large Gylosian sun had set, plunging the world into darkness, lit only by the stars; Gylos had no moons. Nordak was the regimental commander of the 122nd Space Marine Ground Force Regiment, considered to be one of the best in the entire Ground Force. The 122nd had been serving on Gylos for nearly three full years, fighting countless engagements with the Routeusseans for control of the planet.

Nordak had been assigned to the 122nd as a twenty-nine-year-old Captain in 4225, just before the regiment shipped out for its second tour on Gylos in a decade; it had been there before from 4215 to 4221. Now, three years later in 4228, he had risen all the way to the rank of Commander and was the leader of a famed regiment; at age thirty-two. Nordak’s story was not unique or strange to the other men and women who served on Gylos. Because of the hellish nature of the fighting that occurred on the planet, it was not uncommon for promotions to come quickly for the Marines who served there. However, despite the appeal of a quick road to promotion, almost all Marines dreaded being assigned to a unit that was shipping out to Gylos because of the horror stories told by survivors.

As Nordak looked across the desert, a woman dressed in matching desert camouflage Blast Armor walked up, her helmet off and her brown hair falling down around her shoulders. “Annie,” said Nordak with a nod to the woman.

“Sir,” replied Major Annie Carselo. Annie was another example of the quick promotions that were received on Gylos. She was a very beautiful woman with wonderful brown eyes and an athletic figure, and for that reason she had been kept away from combat duty for the early part of her career. Somewhat offended by this, she pushed for assignment to a combat unit, and was transferred to the 122nd two years prior. In those two years she had risen from Captain to Major and was the leader of the 2nd Battalion of the regiment, as well as the Executive Officer, or second-in-command. Nordak and Annie had formed a close friendship over the two years of serving together, and many Marines in the regiment joked of a secret love relationship between the two. “Any word on the Rats’ movement?” Annie asked. “Rats” was a term used for the Routeusseans, a shortened form of the Tantive slang for them, “Desert Rats”.

“Nothing,” replied Nordak. “They’ve been quiet over there for a good week. They’re planning something, but the spooks back at HQ can’t seem to figure out what.”

“We sure they’re even still over there?” asked Annie.

“Oh they’re over there,” said Nordak, “they’re just not moving forward. Fleet has done overflights of the area and they’re definitely there, just sitting, waiting for something.”

“A week is a long time,” said Annie. “The attack is probably coming soon. Have you told the Marines to put extra dirt down?”

“Not yet,” said Nordak. “The extra defenses will just slow down any counterattack we try to make. I want us to be mobile when that time comes, not bogged down and flat-footed.”

“Roger that, sir,” replied Annie. “You gonna stay up, sir?”

“Probably,” said Nordak.

“Alright, I’m sackin’ up,” said Annie. “G’night, sir.”

“G’night,” replied Nordak. He stood in the trench a while longer, then decided it was time for him to get some rest as well. He walked back towards his regimental command bunker and sat down in a chair. Annie was there, now dressed in only her camouflaged fatigues and drinking a cup of coffee.

“Thought you were gonna stay up, sir?” she asked with a smile.

“I decided not to,” Nordak replied, returning the smile. He poured a cup of coffee for himself, sat down, and began to sip it. Suddenly, he jumped to his feet, his mug falling to the ground and smashing apart. It was the sudden motion rather than the scream of incoming shells which made Annie leap up in shock.

“What is it?” she yelled in instinct, but they both knew what was happening. Nordak lunged at the wall and grabbed his carbine. As Annie grabbed hers, Nordak grabbed the speaker of the com pack sitting on the desk.

He clicked it on and yelled, “This is Commander Johganis to all units of the 122nd; prepare for maximum resistance! Repeat, prepare for maximum resistance!”

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Rudder

If I review yours, it'd be great if you review mine:

Death and Glory

Dephere

This is only the first part...

Hey, jrudder, I will try to put our little spat aside and get through this.

Let me point out a few things and then I'll give you an overall...

This first sentence seemed odd and tumbled out unpleasantly, not something you want for the first sentence of a piece. I would get rid of the bold, you can establish the planet and its climate either in another sentence of later on. Of course, it's up to you if you want to keep it or not, but hey, it's just a suggestion.

Well, considering you want our thoughts to wander to his possible death right there, I would watch your diction. "Whiz" doesn't seem to fit the mood.

Again, watch your diction, "scampered" does not seem to fit. Can you honestly picture a pair of soldier scampering!? Well, it is pretty funny, but honestly...

Good, you let us hear that instead of just telling us.

I can't stress enough to you how important diction can be to establishing a mood. You have a shoot out, death, war, sniper type thing right now and the tension is really thrown out of the window when you use words like "poking". Maybe make it as savage as the scene it is in..."A black object jetted from the roof, piercing the sky..."...Something like that, the helps mount the tension as opposed to breaking it.

I think you meant: "...ready to shoot at any targets."

This is a little off...maybe, "...the two of them rushed over to where they were and crouched down...."

I'm not a fan of repetition that doesn't serve a purpose and this most definitely doesn't. I suggest changing one of them.

Okay...

First I will give you my qualms with the piece:

One thing you need to work on is sticking to the tone, and preserving the tone with your diction, be careful not to dissrupt it with an arbitrary word.

Another thing I would have liked to see is a description of the squadron and what they look like and maybe a little more colorful imagery.

What I did like:

Your syntax throughout the whole piece was fine. You know how to construct and sentence and I can't tell you how many people don't. This alone makes your writing of a better quality than many. It flowed smooth, but without a lot of imagery it felt a bit lackluster.

The description of the warehouse and the army was some of your best. You constructed the room and let us see it as well as the army...but we didn't get to see that. lol. Okay, now I'm rambling.

I hope that helped!

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jrudder

Hey, thanks a lot. Eh, there were a couple editing mistakes I made, and that annoys me, especially this one:

Quote:

the two of them rushed over to where he was and crouching down next to their three comrades.

Eh. *pukes* And this:

Quote:

Slowly and carefully, Jackson turned the knob, and the door slowly slid open.

Damn. Oh well, thanks for pointing 'em out.

I get really into worldbuilding, so that's probably why that part was the best. You get to see the army later on, don't worry. About this:

Quote:

Another thing I would have liked to see is a description of the squadron and what they look like

I didn't feel like I needed to describe them because we're never gonna see them again, but I guess you have a good point.

Thanks a lot for the comments!

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Rudder

If I review yours, it'd be great if you review mine:

Death and Glory

Dephere

Hey, no problem!

Well, I guess that makes sense, you don't need to describe them here if you describe them later on, I just didn't know that...

If you ever have any questions or anything feel free to PM me.

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jrudder

Actually, my point is that I won't describe them later on, since they're gone from this point forward. They're just cameo characters; they do their thing and then they're gone, so I didn't feel I needed to give them much detail. The reader can think up how they think they should look if they want. The guy Nordak and the girl Annie who are in that part I posted recently in this thread (at the bottom of the first page I think) are the main characters who we'll be seeing for the rest of the story.

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Rudder

If I review yours, it'd be great if you review mine:

Death and Glory