Sword and Shadow Part 10 - Writers Forum

Cold Twilight · 04-20-2006, 03:04 PM

She felt a gentle hand lightly grip her shoulder and knew that her steady trembling was known to him. She heard an unintelligible murmur and felt his frown, then she knew he was an Empath. She gathered herself and tried valiantly to corral her raging emotions and hide them away in her mind.

As his hand settled on the Rider's shoulder, he felt the uncontrollable trembling that shook the man. "Ah... Too much pain. He can't hold this much pain." he whispered in distress. I have to be careful...I can hurt him too. He felt a burst of realization from the Rider. And now he knows I'm an Empath. He's trying to hide away... He reached out softly with his mind.

She felt a light touch in her mind, and instantly terror threaded through her agony. No! I can't let him in! He'll learn too much about my friends...I can't let him... NO! But that touch also told her that he had enough mind power to stop her at this moment and discover those who were her friends if she did not distract him... She had to fight...it was the only way.

She attacked mentally, fighting a rearguard action for time, sacrificing shielding for speed. She sensed a sort of understanding from him, but also a hint of something like anger, and fought harder as he reached in once more and tried to soothe the terror away. Noo! I...can't...let you! She nearly jerked back a step physically, but knew that she was no match for him despite her efforts, not unless she wished to harm him permanently, helpless...so, once more, she surrendered.

I cannot, will not fight to the last... So tired... I am so tired of this everlasting struggle... So tired. And I gave up. Told him I gave him my freedom. And what is this but another freedom? She sighed inside, with a little internal half-smile. If he does not yet know that I am a girl, he is going to be very surprised... The weariness which had threatened for so long loomed upon her, but she kept it back while she quickly locked away her past and the deadliest information. And the knowledge of her friends.

He contacted the Rider's mind, retreating for an instant at the sudden terror from the Rider, but for others, not for himself. He softly resisted the man's greatly weakened efforts to hold him out, sensed the deepening agony those efforts bought the Rider. He received the impression of barriers breaking down in the Rider's mind, and tried to soothe the terror away. The Rider tensed suddenly under his hand, as if to wrench away from his hold, then he sensed the his quiet surrender; the muscles relaxing and the frantic attacks from behind the crumbling mental barriers ceasing.

He wondered why the Rider had stopped fighting, then sensed a hidden, dreadful weariness. He paused, watching the Rider retreat back and back in his mind, and seeing how, if the Rider had wanted to, he could have hurt him very badly. Permanently. And seeing also that he had chosen not to. Had chosen, in spite of his terror, to let himself be taken prisoner once more...as he had promised.

She felt his surprise and the question he inadvertently thought at her. He didn't know why she had stopped fighting him. Guess he'll find out if he decides to take over my mind... She sighed again, but let the barriers disappear and only watched tiredly as he cornered her mind into near helplessness... There was only a little spark of relief...he took away her pain and fear, blocking it away from her immediate consciousness. Her body still shuddered in reaction to that fear and pain, but also in the knowledge that she had given away too much to go back...

Oasis Writer · 04-20-2006, 03:22 PM

Quote:

She heard an unintelligible murmur and felt his frown, and then she knew he was an Empath.

Get ride of the and, putting a comma there instead.

Quote:

She nearly jerked back a step physically, but knew that she was no match for him despite her efforts, not unless she wished to harm him permanently, helpless...so, once more, she surrendured.

Should be surrendered.
____

Wow, that's just wild. Okay, so wait, the men faught or the Rider and she fought. Very good chapter, but that caught my attention, there were three there and then fighting started, where was one of them, because it looked like the all fought. Otherwise, very cool chapter, I'll need more

Cold Twilight · 04-20-2006, 03:24 PM

Oh noo! Only two people here... Eeep. Looks like I messed up somewhere... There is only the Rider (who he still thinks is a man), and 'he', who is the Seeker (and who the Rider calls either "Shadow" or "Storm")