Adam, The Lord and The Master - Writers Forum

enigmaticuser · 04-01-2006, 11:38 AM

It took me awhile to get back to Adam, been a bit busy and trying to write God is intimidating for me. But here it is!

The Lord and the Master

My name is Adam. That is what the Lord told me. That is what He called me. Him, I called Eloheim. Before He even told me it, I knew it was His name.

As we walk into His Eden, I feel my body resonating within. The creatures that chirp and flutter about the air, they sung around me in the wilderness, but here—they sing for Him. The grasses, bushes and trees lean towards Him gently, as if reaching for the same touch that I had received. Wind that had whipped about in furious exuberance becomes still and gentle as it swirls around him, lingering before racing on.

He asks me what I think of His world. I do not know what to say—this thing I know as language comes to me, another part of my unknown knowledge. “It is good.” I speak clearly and wait. I want Him to say something, but He does not. He waits for me. “Eloheim, my Lord, why am I here?”

A smile. I reach up to touch my face, and imagine that what I see on Him is like my own curves and creases. He tells me that He wanted to. The creation around me is what He does; it’s His running. He made me for that reason, and also, He wanted someone to share it with Him. Share? I understand the word, but I also understand the desire. I am glad that I also have someone.

That was the general answer to my question, He then added a specific task. This Eden, it was given to me, it was made for me. I was to keep it, to tend it. It is beautiful, beyond any place that I had seen outside, but all the things in it are so alive. Each element of this place is so powerful, I know each will grow and consume until it is stopped. The animals, they will romp and play so hard that they too can dismantle this paradise. The Lord gave me the charge and the dominion, to tend Eden—it is my task.

It seems odd to me though, in this place that Eloheim has shown me there are many fruits He has made, but there is one tree in this place whose fruit He has commanded me not to eat. I wonder why He has made this command. He says this tree is of the Knowledge of good and evil, and not to eat of it. This command I do not love, all my joy has come from knowledge, I do not know what evil is, but I know some of good, what is evil that I should not know it? I ask, but He answers only in repeating the Command to me. I still wonder, but it is enough that Eloheim says it. Walking beside Him, the question fades; the word of Eloheim is enough.

I bend my mind to the study of the garden, to learn the needs and patterns of its elements. Eloheim brings the creatures to me, two by two. Though I knew now, that they were animals—unlike me—I find I do not know the pattern of each. I know that I am a man, but what are they if they are not man? Then it occurs to me. Eloheim brought them to me, so that I would give them their names.

I spend my days now, naming the animals as they come—there are so many, it is becoming hard to name each differently, but I enjoy this work. I enjoy also moving earth with my hands. Uprooting, replanting, trimming, ordering, the work gives me purpose. The purpose gives me joy, I complete the world and it completes me.

But as my days continue, I find that each of these animals comes in two kinds. A male and a female, they share in each others likeness yet they are different; the shape and comeliness of each magnifies the qualities of the other. As I look around, I see that I there is no likeness of mine. I am Eloheim’s likeness, but even He is different. He is Eloheim, not man. Though this place is good and I have the Lord with me often, I sometimes wish that I had a female of man. One to share with in being man.

I think about this while I tend the garden, I should ask Eloheim; He will know what this means. I will ask Him later. For now I work in the soil, digging a trench that I hope to use to channel an inlet from the Euphrates to water thirsty pieces outward in the garden. The effort makes beads of sweat on my skin. Rolling off and down into the dirt, they cool my body, yet the work will not tire me. I didn’t think it would anyways, but now my eyes become heavy as they do when night falls.

I don’t understand this, but sleep always refreshes. Quitting my work, I walk to a nearby meadow to lay down. Choosing a berm at the edge I lay down in the broken shade of a willow’s shroud. Sleep comes quickly to me.

Black_ghost · 04-03-2006, 11:21 PM

Hmmm, i guess i'll start with the things that bothered me most.

For some facts, if this story is about the God of the Bible, then his name is Jehovah, thus Jehovah's Witness = witness of God. Also, Adam was made with Lilith, the first woman of God. She was kicked out of Eden for being more wise than Adam. Eve was made after her, though she was not to be as wise as Adam, thus she remained with him. Also, Eloheim seems to refer to the God of Israel. Though it does mean God, you shouldn't use it since Israel didn't exist till the coming of Abraham.

Now, to your story. I felt that if this was written in a more Biblical sense, it would have been really good. Even if your can't, you should have added in some phases that took that style. It gives the story a felling of the scriptures. Also, it adds another depth to the writing.

I just couldn't grasp anything in the story to make me want to read on. It might be because I'm read too much stories about these types, since they are the greatest stories in history. What else can spam a whole way of life, yet in truth hold only stories that can mean nothing.

Still, i did enjoy the narrative part, although they were lacking of taste in my view. They didn't do much to show the character of Adam. Rather they only manage to get a thought of Adam in his mundane life in Eden. He justs seems to normal to be the first person to ever see creation. Also, his faith in the "Almighty" really lacks anything which can hint in one way or another.

Besides those, i really can't say more. Though ultimately, i think this work could be better if you added some of your own faith and ideals into the story. If you have no faith, then no worries for faith relies in the fact that we'll all gonna to die.

Serenade · 04-03-2006, 11:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Black_ghost

Hmmm, i guess i'll start with the things that bothered me most.

For some facts, if this story is about the God of the Bible, then his name is Jehovah, thus Jehovah's Witness = witness of God. Also, Adam was made with Lilith, the first woman of God. She was kicked out of Eden for being more wise than Adam. Eve was made after her, though she was not to be as wise as Adam, thus she remained with him. Also, Eloheim seems to refer to the God of Israel. Though it does mean God, you shouldn't use it since Israel didn't exist till the coming of Abraham.

Now, to your story. I felt that if this was written in a more Biblical sense, it would have been really good. Even if your can't, you should have added in some phases that took that style. It gives the story a felling of the scriptures. Also, it adds another depth to the writing.

I just couldn't grasp anything in the story to make me want to read on. It might be because I'm read too much stories about these types, since they are the greatest stories in history. What else can spam a whole way of life, yet in truth hold only stories that can mean nothing.

Still, i did enjoy the narrative part, although they were lacking of taste in my view. They didn't do much to show the character of Adam. Rather they only manage to get a thought of Adam in his mundane life in Eden. He justs seems to normal to be the first person to ever see creation. Also, his faith in the "Almighty" really lacks anything which can hint in one way or another.

Besides those, i really can't say more. Though ultimately, i think this work could be better if you added some of your own faith and ideals into the story. If you have no faith, then no worries for faith relies in the fact that we'll all gonna to die.

Er? Lilith? First woman of God? Is this in the Bible, cuz I sure don't remember reading it.

Black_ghost · 04-04-2006, 11:35 AM

Lilith does appear in the Bible, though not as a name.

"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them."
- Genesis 1:27

"And ADam said, this is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called woman, because she was raken out of man."
- Genesis 2:23

in truth, the story of Lilith can be found in the Apocryphal, or lost books of the bible. In these, though not view by the chruch as true books, we find the tales of Lilith, and also, the only stories of angels and their names. Since within the Bible, no name is mentioned, so as to how the angel that gave mary the message became known as Gabriel is unknown.

voicesinmyhead · 04-04-2006, 02:01 PM

Um....Black_ghost, I think that you're adding in religious interpretations of the narrative that aren't in the Biblical text. I know that in the Jewish tradition, Lilith is actually the first wife of Adam, but she appears only in Talmudic literature. So I think that the story here is true to the Biblical text. As for the names thing, only the name Elohim appears in the first chapter of Genesis, after which, throughout the rest of the Eden story, God is referred by both names in combination.
The one thing that I would ask about this story is what exactly you're trying to acheive. You have painted a compelling Adam, I suppose, but he seems bland and utopic. Is this then going to lead up to the sin? Because pulling that off would be much more interesting and impressive.
The story you give here is well-written and spiritual, but I don't see any conflict just yet. I suppose that might be coming?

enigmaticuser · 04-04-2006, 05:19 PM

Hmmm...well I guess I opened a can of words, but I'll address my view anyways =)

I don't believe Lilith if she existed was before Eve. I know the legend, and it does not strike me as consistant with the rest.
As for Eloheim, while YHWH is the name of the Lord you have to remember that the first five books are attributed to Moses and that in Exodus is the first time that the name of YHWH is given to people. Adam I believe would have known him as Eloheim which means creator (plural to be technical).

As for where the story is going. I intend to cover until Adam's death. While I realize the parts so far have been bland, I think that's because its hard to write the thrill of that time. I mean as people living now we almost completely define our existance in terms of conflict, but he had none.
So then what am I trying to achieve? These parts have been to try and get an idea of Adam's world before the sin (at least from my limited perspective). Because I think it is by pointing out the paradise, that the loss of it becomes most tragic. And Adam is in my view, the most tragic of all biblical persons (aside from Yeshua/Jesus himself), and that's the story that I am hoping to re-tell.

I really do think after the intro of Eve it will pick up. As you may have noticed the speed increases as Adam learns.

Thanks for all the input!