Creative

This isn't set out like a script, so I thought here would be the best place to post it.
There isn't a lot of detail in the "episodes", they're just quick stories.
And I don't agree with a lot of the stuff The Nutters do, but it's only fictional! (although the TV licence joke is taken from real life, but I am not the person without a TV licence - it's a rip-off, but I pay it!)

The Nutters (Series 1)

In "A Touch Of Glass" (Episode 1).

Fred Nutter and his Dad Herbert ran their own business in the building trade. Their works, could, at best be described as "dodgy". They shared a house in Manchester.

One morning, Fred was sipping his tea from a mug when the doorbell rang. Despite the fact it was now April,

the doorbell played the tune of "We Wish You A Merry Christmas".

Fred went to answer the door.

"TV Licence inspector," said the man.

"We don't have a TV," lied Fred.

"You've got a satelite dish," the TV Licence Inspector pointed out.

"I've got two bottles of milk on me doorstep," Fred replied, "But that doesn't mean I've got a cow in my garden."

With that, he slammed the door and returned to his arm chair.

"Bloody TV Licence. We'll have to get one you know," Fred said to his father.

"We've had no business for ages now," Herbert replied sadly, "We can't afford one."

Fred got up from his chair to gaze out of the window.

"Something's got to come up," he said sadly.

"Typical," replied Herbert, "We've no money, and all you can do is talk about sex!"

"I wasn't," replied Fred angrily, "What I meant when I said 'Somthing's got to come up' was a job is bound to turn up sooner or later. Stop fretting. This rotten nail is still sticking out of the window frame. I'll sort it out."

Fred went into the kitchen and returned with a hammer. He began banging furiously at the protruding nail. Unfortunately, the hammer flew out of his hand, and through the unopened window, causing the glass to break.

"That's all we need," muttered Herbert.

Fred went to the coffee table and picked up the 'phone. He dialled in some numbers.

"Hello," he said finally, "Is that the glaziers?"

"Yes indeed," replied a voice, "A Touch Of Glass Glaziers at your service."

"Look, I've smashed a window," said Herbert impatiently.

"We have just what you need," replied the voice.

"Oh, good," Fred muttered under his breath, "I wasn't sure if you sold cardboard."

"Pardon?" enquired the voice.

"Oh nothing," Fred said, "Just have the glass sent to 17 Eagle Drive...."

When the call had finally finished, Herbert said in bemusement, "17 Eagle drive. But the Smith's don't have a broken window."

Fred picked up a golf ball which was lying about on the floor, and threw it through the window towards the Smith's house.

"They do now." muttered Fred.

Five minutes later, there was a knock at the door.

"This'll be the Smith's come to complain. I'll be in the kitchen, you can sort this mess out yerself, you you hooligan." Herbert said in disgust.

Fred went to answer the door.

"My son says he saw you throw a golf ball at his bedroom window," raged Malcolm Smith.

"Well let me show you something," replied Fred motioning for Malcolm to come inside.

When they reached the living room, Fred said "Your son has smashed our window. He has also smashed his own, and then realising what he had done, decided to blame me. Now can you really see a middle aged man like myself going round smashing windows?"

"Well," replied an embarressed Malcolm, "Of course not. I'm sorry for accusing you."

He pulled out a wad of notes.

"This should be enough to cover the costs of getting your window replaced."

"Thankyou," said Fred taking the cash. He peered through the window. "Oh there's the glazing firm just arriving at your house. I took the liberty of calling them for you."

"That's very kind of you," Malcolm replied, "I must get back and let them in. Thankyou."

"No, thankyou" Fred replied with a satisfied grin.

Malcolm left the house.

As soon as he heard the door slam shut, Herbert returned to the living room.

"Now I suppose we'll have to pay for the Smith's window." he said and tutted.

"Not at all," replied Fred, "In fact," [he pulls the money from his pockets] "He has paid us to fix our broken window!"

Herbert gave a look of astonishment, "I don't know how you do it, I just don't!"

THE END


The Nutters In "The Grass Is Greener" (Episode 2)

Fred poured milk over his cornflakes and sat down at the breakfast table.

He put a spoonful of cornflakes in his mouth and promptly spat it out in disgust "Eurgh!" he exclaimes, "The milk's bloody sour!"

Herbert sighed and looked up from his newspaper, "So's your language! We can't even afford to buy any more milk, what with no work coming in. I've even had to cancel the papers."

"Well what's that you're reading?" Fred said pointing to the newspaper in Herbert's hand.

"An old newspaper - from 1967. Found it in the old drawers in the shed."

"Now there's an idea!" Fred exclaimed, "We could sell some of that junk that's lying about in the shed."

"Actually," replied Herbert, "That's not a bad idea. You take it down to Cash Generator to sell."

"Aren't you going to help?" asked Fred.

"Yes," answered Herbert, "I'll help you count the money later!"

"Not if you're not helping me with the junk you won't! Now come on, let's clear out the shed."

Fred went out to the shed, with Herbert follwing begrudgingly behind.

"Now, this should fetch a few bob," Fred said lugging the Flymo out.

"But that's Wally's lawnmower from next door," protested Herbert, "He lent it us last year."

"Exactly!" exclaimed Fred, "He's obviously forgotten about it. We'll sell this!"

After rooting around in the shed for over an hour, the Nutters decided they had collected enough.

Fred went out to Cash Generator, leaving Herbert at home.

Finally, he returned and exclaimed, "Guess how much we made?"

"£100?" asked herbert.

"No," Fred said sadly, "20 bleeding pence!"

"What?" gasped Herbert, "You're joking!"

Fred burst out laughing, "Yes," he grinned, "I am joking! We made £120 alltogether."

"That's great," Herbert smiled, "Let's go out to the cafe for a full breakfast - sure beats cornflakes and sour milk!"

They both got their coats from the hallway and were just about to open the door when somebody knocked on it.

Fred opened it. "Ah, Wally," he said, "Nice to see you."

"I hope you don't mind," Wally smiled, "I've just come to collect my lawnmower!"

THE END

The Nutters In "Break A Leg" Episode 3

"Wakey, wakey!" Herbert shouted through Fred's bedroom door.

There was no answer, so Herbert shouted louder, "Wake up, you pickled

prune!"

There was still no answer, so Herbert went into the kitchen and filled

a bucket full of water.

He then went into Fred's bedroom and poured the water over him.

Waking up with a start, Fred gasped, "My bloody bed's all wet now!"

"Well," replied a hysterical Herbert, "It's time you stopped that by

now. What would your mother say if she knew you still wet the bed at

your age?"

"You wet the bloody bed! And don't mention that woman!" snapped Fred.

Just then, there was a knock at the front door.

"Ah, Wally. Nice to see you, Nice. What brings you here this morning?"

"All I could hear was this yelling - wakey wakey!" raged Wally.

"Well, it seems to have done the trick - I mean you're up bright and

early ain't ya?"

"Yes," snapped Wally, "And I don’t bloody want to be!"

"Oh well, no harm in a little practice is there?", and with that,

Herbert shut the door.

By the time Fred came into the kitchen, Herbert had a plate of bacon

and eggs ready.

"I made your breakfast," he said to Fred.

"Oh, thanks," Fred replied taking the plate.

Taking the plate back, Herbert snapped, "This isn't for you. it's

mine. Your breakfast is over there on the kitchen table."

Fred's face fell when he saw the bowl of cornflakes waiting for him.

"Any milk?" he asked.

"No," replied Herbert, "I drank it."

"There was two bloody pints!" raged Fred.

"Yeah," said Herbert, "I was thirsty."

"You must have been! Oh well, never mind - I'll just have condensed

then."

"Ah, that may pose a problem."

"Why, you've not drank that too have you?"

"No, but - oh just look over there," Herbert said pointing to the cat

happily lapping up it's saucer of condensed milk.

Later, the pair knock on Emily Side's door. She had asked them to build a house for her.

"H-hello?" she said, opening the door.

"Hi," said Herbert, showing her a card, "We've come to build your

house."

"Ah, yes. Do come in."

Once inside, Herbert said, "You do have planning permission, I take

it?"

"Well, er, no, I'm afraid I don't," replied Emily.

"Not to worry," Herbert said, "I work for the council. That will be no

problem at all."

"Herbert," growled Fred, "I want a private word with you." With that,

he pulled him into the hallway and said, "You do not work for the

council."

"I know," replied Herbert, "But she doesn't have to know that, does

she?"

Herbert then walked back into the living room, with Fred following

behind.

"So, where do you want this house built then?" asked Herbert.

"Well, if you will kindly give me a lift, I will gladly show you the

way." replied Emily.

"Yes, yes, of course," said Herbert, "Before we set off, is there any

chance of a cuppa?"

"Yes, I shall go and make you one now."

"Not at all, not at all," Herbert said, "I will make you one. How do

you like it?"

"Two sugars please," Emily said.

"You want one Fred?" asked Herbert.

"No, I'm alright, thanks," replied Fred.

Herbert went into the kitchen and turned on the kettle. Unfortunately,

he had forgotten to put any water in it, and so it blew up.

So he made two cold cups of tea with sugar and milk, and once he'd

stirred them, put them in the microwave and turned it on.

But, as luck would have it, he'd left the tea-spoons in, causing the

microwave to make a bang.

"What was that?" gasped Emily.

Herbert poked his head out of the kitchen door, and said, "Nothing.

Just banged my head, that's all."

"Herbert then retrieved the "tea" and poured it down the sink.

Then he placed another tea bag in each of the cups, added hot water

from the tap, and added sugar and milk.

Once he had stirred them, Herbert tasted one cuppa, and spat it out in

disgust. Noticing a squirrel in the back garden, he carefully opened

the back door, and poured the "tea" outside. The squirrel lapped it up

happily.

Then Herbert went into the living room and gave Emily her brew.

Fred was getting a little bored by now, and so went to have a look in

the garden.

"Emily," he said, "What's a dead squirrel doing in your back garden?"

Later, the three set off to the plot of land Emily had purchased.

Months passed before the house was completed.

"I must congratulate you on a splendid job," gushed Emily.

"Thankyou," Herbert said.

"Yes," said Fred, patting the front wall, "safe as houses.

Suddenly, there was a creaking noise, and the house came crashing

down.

"Oops," said Herbert, "I think we forgot the mortar. Good job you were wearing

your hard hat Fred"

"Not really," grimaced Fred, "A few bricks landed on me leg. I think

it's broken."

"Oh dear," said Herbert, Emily, you get his arms and I'll get his

legs. Help me get him into the van."

"Crikey!" Herbert gasped, dropping Fred's good leg into some broken

glass, "You're heavy!"

"That's right, go and break me other leg too! Why not break an arm

too while you're at it?" snapped Fred.

"Oh," gasped Herbert, tripping over a brick and landing right on

Fred's left arm.

"Thanks," yelled Fred, "I didn't mean yer to do it literally!"

Finally, Emily and Herbert managed to get Fred into the van.

A few days later,, Emily phoned the Nutter's house.

Hi," she said, "I'm wondering when you can do my house properly."

"Well," replied Herbert, "My brother has broken one leg, fractured the

other and broken an arm. So I am afraid we we won't be able to do it

for some weeks. I'm sorry."

After putting the phone down, Herbert lit up a cigarette, put his

feet up on the table, and grinning said, "Nice one Fred!"

The End

I am writing some more episodes for Series 2, "The Lift" where the Nutters get stuck in a lift with a few other people when it breaks down.
When they finally get out, a happy chap says something that doesn't go down too well!

And "Deadly Suspicions", After seeing several "omens", like the one where he is at a funeral and pulls out a ticket from his pocket (from a dry cleaners) saying "You're next" for instance, Fred is convinced he is going to die!

And "Hotel Hell" where the Nutters decide to open up a hotel - in thneir house. Needless to say, the guest aren't too happy!

In series 3, which will have six episodes instead of three, Fred finds out some shocking news, hisMother who abandoned him when he was very young returns and he decides to get married! But a blast from the past could halt the wedding!

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