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| Fiction Horror, Fantasy, Science Fiction, Adventure, Thrillers etc. |
03-11-2006, 06:03 PM
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#1
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Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 9
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White Storm Prologue
Hi:
This is the prologue to a novel I am currently writing. I'm not sure what the done thing is around here, so direct me please if I do something wrong 
Also - this has been uploaded to my blog at http://blog.myspace.com/adamknott as will all future chapters. I would very much appreciate anybody who has the time to make a comment on that blog as well, because I am trying to attract a 'following'  thanks
Disclaimer:
This extract contains racist material and profanity that may be offensive to people. Said material is of a spoken nature by characters of the text and in no way reflect the author's opinions or views
I am aware this is very short but any criticism is appreciated, although not always acted upon 
Prologue
Loud bass music thumping from a bar across the street, Andrew Stracmore kept his eyes down as he went. As he passed an alley neglected by light, he heard voices but carried on through the night, his face burning from the cold and his eyes watering. The voices behind him grew louder and angrier. He stopped and turned.
"You Paki bastard, you fucking CUNT. I'll kick your fucking head in, come on, come on!"
Andrew put one foot forward and the other back, and paused. Was it worth it?
He turned back around and continued along the pavement, blissfully unaware of the short, dangerous fuse that had just lit.
Last edited by AdamKnott : 03-11-2006 at 06:23 PM.
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03-11-2006, 06:06 PM
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#2
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Phoenix, Arizona
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,249
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I think it looks okay, but you definately need to add more. Try not to post it twice also.
Thanks for writing
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03-11-2006, 06:08 PM
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#3
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Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 9
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Indeed - it's only meant to be a very short opening, and thanks.
I don't seem to be able to find the delete button - it wasn't a deliberate double post  |
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03-11-2006, 06:10 PM
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#4
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Phoenix, Arizona
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,249
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Alright  |
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03-11-2006, 06:12 PM
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#5
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,393
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One of the mods or mentors should be able to delete things for you. It happens sometimes, we forgive you . Welcome to the site by the way. I don't really see anything wrong... the first sentence may be a bit confusing, I'd say as loud bass music thumped....
__________________
Critique and ye shall be critiqued.
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03-11-2006, 06:38 PM
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#6
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Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 9
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Thanks. To save the mods deleting my other post, I uploaded Chapter 1. So it's there for anyone who wants to read it. Love you all.
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