White Lotus (WIP) - Writers Forum

Cherry Leigh · 02-22-2006, 09:36 PM

Okay. So after many failed attempts I've finally settled down with a story and got a....*gasp*...prologue!

If anyone's interested just give it a read through and let me know if it catches your interest. The story basically chronicles the life of the main character Samiya, a slave girl in a weird world with a weird history and well...yeah, my brain went on overdrive.
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Prologue: Genealogy

In the beginning there was Ra, God of the Sun. He created himself from the lotus flower itself, which emerges from the depths of muddy swamps every dawn only to sink again in the evening, much like the sun. After his own birth he named the four elements of Shu, wind; Tefnut, rain; Geb, earth; and Nut, sky. Following them he named Hapi who would allow the NileRiver to flow through Egypt. Then he named the rest of the living creatures on earth before finally naming mankind and giving rise to humanity.

To guide mankind, Ra became their first Pharaoh. However, with mortal form came mortal weakness and he grew old after many years of rule and lost his authority over that which he had created. In order to regain control over mankind, he created Sakhmet to exact revenge upon mortals for failing to respect their Creator. Sakhmet came from the Eye of Ra and had an urge for blood-lust that was so strong that even Ra felt pity for the humans he had let her loose upon.

By cunning, Ra managed to intoxicate Sakhmet so that she would have to put an end to the slaughter. Many believe that Sakhmet was subdued, which she may have been. Despite popular belief that she still accompanied Pharaohs into battle. In any case, to continue her bloodline, Sakhmet wed Ptah and gave birth to Nefertem, a God associated closely with the lotus flower that Ra himself had been born of. Most myths have it that Nefertem never continued the bloodline of Sakhmet. How wrong they were.

When Sakhmet saw that Nefertem would not wed and create successors, she divided his soul into the form of two immortal women who were destined to walk the Earth. They were Zesira and Kakra Sakhmet. Although immortal, they were not Goddesses, forever hidden from the Eye of Ra that had given birth to Sakhmet. The twins created havoc wherever they roamed, continuing what their mother had never been able to finish. Sakhmet may have protected her daughters from mortal death; she could not save them from mortal feeling. To her dismay, Kakra abandoned both her sister and her quest to wed her lover, Adom. Zesira, on the other hand, was monomaniacal in her quest to destroy humanity as mandated to her.

During her quest, Zesira raided a Gypsy caravan. Unfortunately, the revered mystic Antanasia was among one of the women who lost a relative that day to Zesira’s ruthless sword. To gain revenge, Antanasia swore that she would destroy both Zesira and her sister. This would not be a fruitless threat, as Zesira had immediately fled to Kakra for guidance, leaving them sitting targets. Eventually they were indeed found by the Gypsy and damned to an eternal sleep. However, unbeknownst to Antanasia, Kakra had given birth to twins and had sent them to the western land by the sea, now modern day Spain, to live in hiding with the family Serpiente.

Kaira and Bria Sakhmet grew in relative peace in a mountainous village, unaware of their roots. Both sisters grew up to wed and bear children, carrying on the line of the Goddess, albeit diluted by mortal blood. Kaira wed a Prince of Egypt who had been taken with her beauty and had a daughter named Zara. Bria, although unknown to her, was wed by the mortal incarnation of the demon Apep who knew of her true lineage. Not only did this revitalize the Goddess’ blood that still flowed through her veins, it added demonic characteristics that would strengthen her offspring. Her one son, Luca, would be a pure immortal, as his ancestors once were. In fact, he would outlive his mother. Although not immortal, Kaira and Bria both long outlived their life expectancy, and eventually committed ritual suicide in the belief that they were possessed by evil.

Like his father, Luca soon gained a keen sense for evil and left to wander the world and feed his knowledge for all that was painful and destructive. Apep would not stop at that, he was determined to bring Sakhmet herself to this world to join him in his evil endeavors. So he sought out the other carrier of Her blood, the Princess Zara. Known well as her Uncle, Zara and her father, Gahiji trusted Apep’s mortal incarnation implicitly. Therefore, when he asked to have Zara at his home for a few weeks to help her look for a suitor, she went willingly. During that week, Apep took the opportunity to break his ‘niece’ and bed her, impregnating her with his spawn.

Luckily, Zara managed to escape back to her home, explaining to her father that she had been raped on her way back home. She feared that if she spoke of Apep’s true nature they would slay her for bearing his child. When her daughter was finally born she named the child Nitara. This child would grow into a woman, forever moving until finally she came to the land known as the TaaraDesert. Like a world unto itself, the TaaraDesert was a sheer expanse of sand, populated by nomads who had a strict hierarchy and suffered no outsiders. Only an earshot away, over the foreboding OempMountains lay the land of Rydenia. A land where slavery was an intrinsic part of the livelihood and debauchery thrived. They enjoyed receiving many of their slave girls from the Desert and the lands it linked to. Today, these lands are consumed by the Mediterranean Sea; however, it would be the land where Nitara would settle and give birth to her sole child, Samiya Sakhmet Kaz’Dhim.

Black_ghost · 02-22-2006, 10:32 PM

I liked the story. Refreshed my myths of Egypt. I must say that there were alot of errors in your writting. You should have formatted it more. I'm not too big on pointing them out, as i feel as if the writer should find the whole of them.

On your story, I'm not too big with names, as names are easier forgotten. So, i did find it hard to really understand the minor details of the story. But, i must admit that it did read like an old Egpyt tale. So if your aim was to create a story that could be told by the campfire, i say you indeed have a fine story on your hand if you add in a moral or a way to explain something of the world to the reader. Then i think that this would be just like the other myths of Egpyt.