::Saint::

A flurry of casual conversation (mostly perpetrated by members of the lesser houses, who apparently lacked the sophistication to recognize when their silence was expected) went on for a few minutes, sparked up by the latecomers’ dramatic entrance. Eventually those engaged in conversation realized their mistake and the scattered voices tapered off into silence. All eyes turned to the front of the great hall as the guests’ attention focused on the most important attendee of the mid-winter feast – the host.

Vasper looked over the nobles and smiled, confident in his plans for the evening. Time for the thane to do what he does best.

The thane rose from his high seat, the very embodiment of the kind of grace and composure that only the most noble of nobles could aspire to. He was a tall man whose normally thin frame had been even more emaciated than usual as of late. Tonight, however, the thane appeared hale and vigorous, his size augmented by a luxurious, multi-layered robe that hung perfectly about his body, draping him in various shades of crimson. It was no coincidence that he had chosen to wear the colour of blood tonight. Long hair, jet black, boldly framed the pale, yet strangely darkened face of one who saw little of the sun, even on the odd occasion when it chose to shine upon the people of Unver’s frigid northern province. A long plaited goatee decorated the thane’s chin and contrasted his deep set eyes, blue and bright as precious stones, which looked out from under a heavy brow and missed little that went on around them.

Vasper smiled serenely as he climbed down a short flight of steps to the very front of the dais, the speaker’s platform. Vasper stretched out his arms, palms toward the ceiling, in a stance that conveyed openness and welcome, and addressed the hall with a strikingly rich baritone voice that both soothed and compelled all who could hear.

“Welcome to my hall, noble houses of Serapis. You truly are the greatest and the mightiest of all that Unver has to offer – I stand before you, both honoured and delighted to have such mighty folk as my guests for tonight’s mid-winter feast!”

If the nobles had heard anything Vasper had said, they showed little enthusiasm aside from some scattered clapping near the back.

“Tonight we celebrate the early thawing of our cold and beautiful land. You have all proven, year after year, that you are not subject to the whims and fancies of winter, nor frightened of the ice and snow that covers your homes and threatens the very safety and provision of your great houses. You have all survived, and that is an admirable thing.”

At this, the guests perked up somewhat and responded with half-hearted cheering and clapping.

“The coming of such an early spring has not been seen in more than twenty years – how much more then should we celebrate such blessings! Indeed, though the snow gathers upon the ground outside, my heart is warmed to be in such dignified and honourable company.

“May your houses be graced with all the warmth, security and happiness that you all so richly deserve. I may be your thane, but I count myself truly privileged and fortunate to be surrounded by so many loyal friends.”

A few of the more unsubtle guests coughed dryly at “loyal” and “friends”. It was painfully obvious that nobody here fit particularly well into either category.

Vasper looked bemused, “Left you all speechless have I? Can it be that you have never seen your thane throw a party before? Well let us rectify that now, my friends. I have only one command for you tonight – avail yourselves liberally of the hospitality of my hall!

“Here you will find every kind of delicacy and amusement one could possibly imagine – and if you can imagine something else, you have but to ask and it will be provided! One final thing – thank you all for honouring me with your presence tonight! Let the feast begin!”

With that final command a crew of servants who had seemed quite invisible moments before sprung into action, carrying large platters piled high with an assortment of delicious food offerings from distant and exotic locales that most of the guests had neither been to nor in many cases heard of. For the more daring tastes, foreign fare was in high demand. Particularly well received by many were the pungently spiced skewers of meat and vegetables, served alongside peppered brown rice and stuffed pastries whose complex flavours conjured up the arid desert country of Hadrok from which it came. Others found the savoury cuts of roasted meat with cheesy potatoes with thick gravy from Kiral Tor irresistible, or strips of delicately seasoned lamb wrapped in thick flat bread shells that was a specialty of the island of Myrdra.

Traditionalists were treated to all of their local Unverian favourites, especially anything involving the specially seasoned sausages, sharp onions and tangy cabbages that were staples in most Unverian homes. The Unverian ale was especially appreciated and was widely considered (by Unverians) to be the best ale in the known world. Those with a more refined palate (a characteristic that seemed in-born in most aristocratic families) preferred to nibble on an assortment of cheeses and breads from Sorenne, while sipping (and evaluating) a variety of fabulously expensive wines.

For dessert, the thane’s master chefs had prepared a collection of exquisite pastries, creams, ices, cakes, pies and every other type of sweet one could imagine, all of which contained liberal amounts of Unver’s finest chocolate (also widely considered the best). Vasper had even had special insignia plaques made for all the noble houses, each carved from a solid block of the dark delight. Along with this was served a plethora of the juiciest, most delectable fruits from a number of different countries; Vasper himself had always been particularly fond of stuffed dates, specially sent to him from the desert orchards of Hadrok’s king.

Of course, the true measure of a good feast is not only in its food, but its entertainment and Vasper had arranged to have the best of both. Starting with Unver’s finest fiddlers and harpists, the entertainment moved from act to act, each one progressively more exciting than the last. Drummers were followed by dancers who were followed by storytellers, jugglers, tumblers, fire-eaters, acrobats and sword fighters. All were building up to the climactic performance of Zool the magician, who awed the great hall with a thrilling mixture of illusion and fireworks, culminating in his final act – the disappearance (and subsequent reappearance on one prominent Duke’s head) of a gigantic festival turkey.

All in all, it was a lavish and grandiose affair that seemed a smashing success in Vasper’s eyes. The feast had come across exactly as he had planned it to come across – a shallow attempt by a desperate leader to appease the opponents mounting against him. Vasper knew quite well that with this last feat of manipulation his image in the eyes of the nobles was that of a pathetic, almost pitiable fool who had gotten into things over his head and was now clawing desperately to get out with his head attached. The nobles would pounce on such a perceived weakness as surely as a barracuda that smells blood in the water.

By the time all of the performers were through and most of the guests had finished their second or third course of dessert the feast had been going on for several hours and the guests had been thoroughly involved in their revelry undisturbed for much of that time. Vasper took the opportunity to make use of one of the more unique features of the great hall by employing a special technique that he had discovered by accident several years earlier.

Sitting back in his chair, Vasper closed his eyes and willed his body into complete relaxation and internal silence. Immediately he was immersed from head to toe in a complex cacophony of noise – the result of a quirk in the room’s design that somehow gathered, amplified and perfectly relayed all the myriad sounds in the hall onto the very spot where Vasper now sat. Slowly, Vasper willed his mind to filter out all that was unnecessary – ambient noises that seemed to have no particular origin, the busy sounds of his servants as they went about their duties and even the gentle blowing of the snow that fell outside.

Vasper analyzed a hundred different conversations about nothing particularly important. At one table he recognized the raised voices of Lords Dalbro and Florav in heated debate about Unver’s controversial political alliances, while another table hosted a casual conversation about the state of farming in Serapis in which Baron Meris claimed that there were far too few cattle being raised in the northern marches and Lord Tiralan asserted this was because sheep were the only livestock worthy of Unverian farmland. Meanwhile Lady Treala was having a wonderful time gossiping with friends and acquaintances about various ladies of court that Prince Fedyk had supposedly gone to bed with.

Vasper flashed quickly from conversation to conversation, sorting useful information from useless information until he heard one of the voices he had been searching for. Willing himself to filter out every other sound in the room, Vasper concentrated all of his focus and attention on the whispered conversation:

“..should do it now!” Madray was clearly agitated.

“Cease your ridiculous prattling and use your brain for once,” came Bey’s response, “the thane is not defenseless.”

Madray sounded incredulous, “Be reasonable! Vasper’s pathetic band of guards against all of ours? We’d roll that miserable sack and his soldiers over in no time!”

Vizina’s sultry voice interjected, “The baron has a point, my lord. With all our supporters behind us we would certainly be victorious.”

“Oh indeed we would, my lady,” Bey replied sardonically, “and once the resulting bloodbath had subsided we would find ourselves the rulers of a large pile of noble’s corpses.”

Vizina responded nonchalantly, “I could use my feminine wiles on the poor, lonely thane. No man has ever resisted--“

“--Absolutely not!” Madray was livid, “I will have to be dead before I’d let that greasy bone-bag touch you!”

“Be careful what you wish for, Madray. That kind of thing can be arranged.” Bey’s voice brought calm back to the conversation. “However it wouldn’t work anyway. The only weakness he has for the weaker sex is a penchant for maiming and torturing them – hardly productive.”

“Well what do you suggest then?” Madray asked.

“That we use his weaknesses against him. The key to Vasper’s undoing is a delicate thing and one that requires a certain finesse.” Bey lowered his voice to a barely perceptible whisper, “In a few minutes I am going to have a little talk with our thane, and the rest of you are going to --“

“--My lord-“

Vasper’s delicate concentration shattered at the sound of a servant’s voice in his ear.

“Count Bey requests a private audience with you to discuss matters of mutual benefit.”

Vasper took a moment to collect himself and then nodded his assent.

“Very well, tell the Count that I will meet him outside on the eastern walkway in a few minutes.”

“Yes my lord,” replied the servant before walking off toward Count Bey’s table.

Vasper gave instructions for the servants to continue dispersing food and drink as necessary and then stood to go to his audience with Count Bey. As he headed toward the stairs Vasper felt a strong grip on his arm and stopped to look back at the hulking and heavily armoured figure of his guard captain. Kast was easily the most physically capable man Vasper had ever met and was unflappably loyal to his lord – qualities that had allowed him to rise quickly through the ranks of Serapis’ royal army, into his current position as Vasper’s personal bodyguard. Vasper had taken pride in teaching his captain the arts of subtlety and perception, which Kast had picked up quickly despite his thuggish appearance.

“I don’t like you going out amongst the vultures without protection. I think it’s a very bad idea – as like as not to get you killed. Or worse.” Kast whispered as he gazed across the hall with a heavy lidded glare that would have caused most men to soil themselves, were it cast in their direction.

“I don’t doubt every one of these ignoble snakes has a fang or two up his sleeve with your name on it, especially Count Bey. I’ve been watching him all night and I’ll scourge myself for a week if he isn’t the most poisonous adder in the pack. Mark my words, my lord - if you go down there unguarded you’ll live to regret it. Or maybe you won’t live long enough for regrets.”

Vasper nodded knowingly and whispered in response.

“Your senses are quite correct, my friend – Bey is exactly what you suspect and more. But do not forget whom you are talking to. After all, was it not I who taught you to sense such things? Do not trouble yourself overly about the count. There is little that goes on in his mind that I do not already know. Everything will go as planned, just be ready when I need you.”

Kast reluctantly let go of Vasper’s arm.

“As you command, my lord. I’ll be ready.” Kast watched as Vasper walked down the dais stairway and disappeared out the eastern doorway.

__________________
Please read and comment on my stories at my Elfwood Library

For my more journalistic writings, please read my blog - Everyday is Saint Day

For photographic proof of my existence, you may also peruse The Photos of Doom

Dephere

Okay, on to the second part...

I have seen this a couple of times in your work, where a sentence could do without some of the words. It doesn't happen enough to hurt your writing but just keep an eye out. The bold above could be omitted and the sentence would flow much better, IMO.

The second bold just struck me as funny. I hope it was meant to be!

Wow, again you have nearly no mistakes. I'm not the best with comma's so you're going to have to get someone else to chekc you there.

I have one thing I want to stress to you. Your sentences, at least the vast majority of them, are compounds. Long, and sometimes arduous to get through. I suggest throwing in some shorter sentences to offset these, it will make the scene move faster, and much more enjoyable.

Your descriptions are nicely done. You include food and what people wear, making it very easy for the reader to picture everything.

I wish I had more to tell you, but good job. You know how to write, that's obvious.

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::Saint::

Thanks again Dephere, and again some good catches. The long sentences issue is something I have definately been working on, which should be apparently by chapter 3 I think. I also have been working on cutting down some of the literary tricks that I tend to overuse, though at some point I'm just going to have to put it down to my own idiom and leave it at that

Glad you liked the descriptions - this is also something that I really work on balancing out - too little and you end up with an encyclopedia - too much and your story grinds to a halt (not to mention the danger of appearing to 'show off' which I hate). I'm trying to make this a believable story, fantastic though it is. Or maybe believable is the wrong word - relatable is probably a better word. I want readers to be able to read some parts and think "yeah, I know what that's like!"

Thanks again for the comment!

__________________
Please read and comment on my stories at my Elfwood Library

For my more journalistic writings, please read my blog - Everyday is Saint Day

For photographic proof of my existence, you may also peruse The Photos of Doom

Titania

Overall another very strong piece. Great descriptions, dialogue, etc... I have no overall complaints.

From a grammatical / specific standpoint:

I liked this line... it almost made me laugh, hope that was the intent.

I think the "up" sounds odd, I'd take it out.

contrasted with his deep-set eyes?

This is nitpicking but I think it'd read more nicely if you used "the thane" or "he" for the second sentence so both sentences in that paragraph don't start with Vasper.

You don't need the first "had"

If it's a mid-winter feast, how is he already talking about an early spring?... that confused me a little.

I believe it should be no one there... I don't think you can say 'here' unless someone's talking, but ignore me if I'm wrong, I'm not sure on that it just sounds odd.

...the descriptions of the food made me hungry...

Take out the "in" and put a comma between "entertainment" and "and":
not only its food, but its entertainment, and Vasper...

It would be less cumbersome to say a large pile of noble corpses.

I would die before I'd let that greasy bone-bag touch you? (I liked this part, by the by)

Hope to see some more soon!

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Critique and ye shall be critiqued.