lol - thank you very much. I'm very glad you liked it.
lol - thank you very much. I'm very glad you liked it.
RYAN!*W002!* Freakin' awesome that he's here. Where's Terra now? I know you said it'd be like...almost chapter 60 on here, but just throw her in it just to make me happy
Don't regret doing things, regret getting caught.
Beginning of the End, My Suicide, A Second Chance. Consequences, Untitled
Terra is still...not...THERE! I'll think about putting her in..just to humor you
[quote=Oasis Writer]Chapter Six
Jordan noticed there was one golden block or notch on each of his shoulders.
This sentence was confusing to me. You might want to elaborate on this.
Steven picked up his feet and started his sprint once again to gather with them.
I don't know about these words. Gather with them. How about, "to catch up."
" He’s bad news.”
This seems a bit cliche. I'd give some reason for his not liking the guy. Or no reason at all.
The story is interesting. It needs to be "fleshed out" a little. By that I mean go into detail on the why's? and descriptions. I had a hard time figuring out what was going on.
On the why's, that was intentional. This book, itself, is about 500 pages complete. Every question that is brought to mind right now, and further in the story are all answered. I used those why's as foreshadowing, and to allow the reader to gather their own perspective of what is going on, what those answers for the why's are, and what will happen. The cliche part, I'll see what I can do, although, since it is dialogue, and in a conversation, it is normal to hear cliche speak. Reader has to remember, that everything spoken has already been said since the dawning of time. So technically, everything you say, even if original in your mind, is cliche. I'll see what I can do.
Thank you for reading, I appreciate you taking the time.
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