RussdiGrig

Okay, this is an explanation prologue. It explains the world in which my characters live, and what goes on. I hope you enjoy. I just tweaked it a little so it made more sense. But any help with it would be very thoughtful and appreciated.


Prologue

A mountain in the corner of the world or Emileian known as the Alchemy Mausoleum is the housing place of a sacred power known as the Shining Sol. All the essence of magic is formed there. This magic power is evenly distributed into two sanctums, the Lambency and Celestial Sanctums. The Lambency Sanctum is located on the normal side of Emileian and houses the four elements of Fauna, Vulcan, Zephyr, and Triton. The Celestial Sanctum is on the dark side and contains the four dark sided elements of Terra, Flare, Aero, and Aqua. From these two areas, each individual element is distributed to its own Great Tower. Once all eight Great Towers are active, their powers form together as one, and the Shining Sol. This power is then absorbed into a person’s body, letting them have unlimited powers to control at their own will.

Various tribes have established themselves throughout the planet, each with different attributes. Because some tribes have settled in areas close to the Great Towers, the magic has slowly, in turn, embalmed itself within the people’s bodies. These people call themselves casters. Throughout the world there are eight essential elements: Vulcan (Fire), Fauna (Earth), Zephyr (Wind) and Triton (Water), as well as their opposing dark sided elements; Flare (Dark Fire), Terra (Dark Earth), Aero (Dark Wind) and Aqua (Dark Water). These elements define each caster’s abilities.

With each new generation, two casters are selected at birth to be the key to unleashing the power of the Great Towers. When a chosen one should die, the power would be entrusted unto another newborn. The essential point of the two chosen casters is to light all eight beacons and obtain the power of the Shining Sol. Using this power they will rid the world of all evil, and keep the world united.

Different parts of nature are divided into these eight elements, thus a caster may specialize greatly in a certain part of a single element. Or a caster could have general skills in two or more different elements. The dark elements have been derived from the natural forms of the elements. Only an expert caster would have the ability to manipulate an element’s power, but to create a new form of the element requires much, much more. The caster has to have a heart of pure evil. In turn, this will transform the element into its dark counterpart.

Throughout all of human history, there have only been four casters who were able to transform the elements. They have become to be known as the Dark Generals. With their power they created an alternate side to Emileian, thus, the Dark Side. In their time, when each of the generals fell, their bodies were cremated in an attempt to completely drive away the evil.

The year is somewhere in the late first century, four thousand and some-odd years since the birth of human kind, and Emileian is in need of a duo of new chosen casters. Both their lives have been set, far before they were born. It was told in scriptures that these two would be the best casters of their time and would fulfill the path of the chosen casters. Their names are Pyro, a Vulcan caster, and Cade, a Fauna caster.

__________________

Beardedtroll

Well, my first thought was "This read's like the author's notebook." It's clearly written and easily understandable, but it's just raw information. The reader isn't going to remember half of what you tell him here.He'll just skim through it to get to the story.

If your story depends on the reader already knowing the information you give in the prologue, it's going to be confusing and hard to read because he'll have forgotten most of it by the time it's brought up. On the other hand, if your story doesn't depend on the reader knowing this, then the prologue doesn't serve any function at all.

__________________
Got Sfik?

RussdiGrig

It's more of an explanation so the reading will know what to expect and why things are happening. None of this is really needed to nkow by memory. It's just there as filler and explanations, more like background information about the series.

__________________

Titania

Must have overlooked this before, sorry for not responding earlier.

For what this is (an intro) I think you did a fairly decent job of telling us what's going on / how things work.

As always a few questions:

You refer to 'alchemy' and 'Sol Sanctum'. Have you ever played the video game Golden Sun?... if not then it's not your fault, but that game's magic (incidentally based on four elements of earth, fire, wind and water) is also called alchemy and one of the first locations is called Sol Sanctum. The similarities are fairly obvious, so if you could at least change the names (for instance, change the name sol sanctum) that could be good.

Do you mean: corner of the world of Emileian?

'Dark side'? Not sure what you mean... and dark sided should be dark-sided

I think you mean If a chosen one should die.

You refer to the casters and *then* explain who they are, it might be nice to have it the other way around.

This is a weird structure... I'd take out 'the opposite'

I'd suggest 'history' instead of time

They have become known as the Dark Generals.

You change tenses a bunch here. I'd say:
In their time, when each of the generals fell, their bodies were cremated in an attempt to completely drive away the evil.

What?

I think you mean in need of.

I hope to see more of the actual story soon. Again, overall (for what it is) you did a nice job.

__________________
Critique and ye shall be critiqued.

RussdiGrig

Yeah, that's what the my whole series is based on. I've changed EVERYTHING I've coem across. I suppose I missed those two. I'll have to think up different names. Great Towers = Lighthouse. MAde eight instead of four. Thought of almost all of this myself, it's just a giant spin off of Golden Sun. And actually the magic is called psynergy, not alchemy. Alchemy is just "ancient chemistry" so that works as perfectly legit.

Thanks for the editing though, you've discovere my base for writing! Now that I think of it, I left those two because I was postign this on my old forum 9A Golden Sun one lol) So that's why. Anyway, I'll change all of what you told me and work on proofing the first chapter myself. Thanks again.

__________________