Freefall - Writers Forum

ross · 01-11-2006, 07:42 AM

He forced his eyes open, as he seemed to race towards the ground at a hundred miles an hour. Air whistled loudly in his ear as he jerked his head forward to snatch a glance at the numbers on the dial. Not long now.

He looked back over his shoulder towards Jayne, she was tightly pressed against his back her arms reaching out. He couldn’t see her face but he could feel her head close behind his. It was all happening so fast. He’d thought about it often but it had taken more courage than he expected to make this leap into the unknown. He’d wanted to prove himself and it had been a huge, wild adrenaline rush.

The bright light hurt his eyes and he squinted through the glare, adjusting his balance and orientating himself to his surroundings. Soon this excitement would be over and they would descend into reality. He kind of smiled for a second. Wow.

Everything had been condensed into a huge rush and it was as though his very life hung precariously in the balance. He felt himself spiralling down, and the world continued to spin wildly.
What would his wife make of this?

Jayne breathed deeply into his ear again and he looked at the clock once more. He silently slipped away from the skydiver’s bed, and placed his feet firmly onto the cocoa coloured rug. Inside he was still falling. He would have to call home and explain where he’d spent last night.

He had no reserve to call upon and the impact would certainly be devastating.

semtecks · 01-11-2006, 08:27 AM

This was nicely written. I had to read it twice to get that he was having an affair instead of skydiving though. But nicely condensed. You know, there's nothing in the cupboards right now and that fish and chips avatar of yours is driving me crazy.

ross · 01-11-2006, 06:02 PM

Don't eat me! I'm all I have left!
Thanks mate. I was trying to do exactly that. I concealed it as long as I possibly could.

kalibantre · 01-11-2006, 06:10 PM

I got it the wrong way round, I loved it but it's interchangeable in my head. Possibly just me.. anyhow. Loved it, short and oh so sweet

a delight

ross · 01-11-2006, 06:22 PM

Thanks Kali. This dwarf stuff is new to me and I'm just finding my feet with it.

Nolan · 01-13-2006, 06:26 PM

I will have to say, I thought that was excellent. The part that really struck me were the words "placed his feet firmly onto the cocoa coloured rug". That really made the transistion from a sort of abstract feeling into solid reality. Well done.

To be picky...

He’d wanted to prove himself and it had been a huge wild, adrenaline rush.

I would put a comma after the word "huge".

ross · 01-16-2006, 10:47 AM

Thanks mate. I've shifted that there troublesome comma.

Blackhawk_t · 02-23-2006, 01:09 AM

I'm not digging up your old posts, honestly. I really liked this one. Extremely well written and fools ya all the way up to the last sentence. It's like folgers...good to the last drop. Keep on writing.

ross · 02-26-2006, 03:17 AM

Hey thanks Blackhawk.
I had fun writing this thinking up differant ideas that could apply to actual skydiving or the MC's actual situation. I avoided reseaching either directly or in person!
If you get chance have a look at Chris Miller's work on here. It's of a very high standard and kind of sets the bar; for me at least.
Thanks for reading, mate.

Dookie · 02-26-2006, 04:21 AM

Tres, tres bon. oui oui!

ross · 03-01-2006, 01:08 AM

Thanks Dookie. Glad you liked it.