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Old 01-12-2005, 09:41 PM   #1
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The Tale of Anton: The Shadow's Call: Chapter 1

Chapter I
Lagumbeer Falls

In a time long forgotten, there existed an Island deep within the heart of another world. Everyone who lived there called the Island Anton. It was beautiful and elegant even more so than any of the other islands around it. It was unique. It varied greatly in its landscapes. There were volcanoes to the south, mountains to the north, grasslands in the middle, mysterious forests, and magic all around. This Island was the home of many people. Elves, Humans, Orcs, Undai Warriors, Dwarves, and Trolls lived there just to name a few. Some of the first inhabitants of the Island were Dwarves (but that is another story). In any case, all the races had come from different parts of the world and now called Anton their home. There was no lack of life on the Island.

The Island had been uncharted for years. Only over the last few thousand years was its existence known. The Island was far to the south of the main trade lines through the Outer Islands, and therefore went unnoticed for much of the world’s history. It was the largest Island in the Outer Islands. Most of the sailors thought the Island was very mysterious. They were sure, without a doubt, they had traveled those waters before, in ages past, and there was no Island there. The Island did not show up on anyone’s map no matter how far back. Most of the sailors thought the Island was a new occurrence. They believed that some terrible force of the sea had brought it to the surface.

Anton was the last inhabited Island on the Imor Chain. Several of the sailors called the Island, the Gift of the Sea, for it seemed to have just risen out of the sea on its own. The island was very magical. Its forests seemed to be thicker, its water clearer, and its grass greener than any other island in the whole Imor Chain.

Overall, the people of the Outer Realm (where the Imor Chain was located) and other outsiders left them alone. They had concerns of their own. They did not care to be bothered by the little Island just south of the trade route. Likewise, the people of Anton were content to live their lives unaware and uncaring of the world outside. They saw the outsiders as intruders and aliens from another world.

The North, East, and West of the Island was inhabited by good folk. They were usually kind, considerate, and humble. The Dwarves were the only ones of the good folk to be accused of being unfriendly. They spent their years digging away the earth in their mines in the northern mountains. They had some cities outside the mountains in the North Country, but for the most part were completely happy to live and die in the mines their fathers lived and died in. The Elves lived to the West. They were secluded from most of the Island, but that did not keep out travelers. The Elves were the busiest of all the races. They loved knowledge both of the Island and of the outer world. They also loved magic. They were a very magical people. All Elves had some level of magical ability.
The Eastern part of the Island was barely inhabited. There were several towns there, but the people were sparse. None of the towns were very large. Most of the people there were Halflings of some kind or another. The majority were half breeds between Elves and Humans. Many of these people had strange characteristics. Some lived to be very old (like the Elves) yet they grew beards (like the Humans). They were tall people. Some had pointed ears, and some did not. Even several Clans of Dwarves had mingled in with them. This gave even stranger characteristics. Some Elves were no taller than a Dwarf. They were always the brunt of every joke. They were outcasts. Neither Human nor Elves mingled with them. Neither race would even be seen with them. Overall, in the East, everyone accepted each other for who they were. There was little persecution or ill treatment no matter how different a person was. The East was active in the Island, but not quite so much as the Elves. The people of the East were traders. They were craftsmen with skilled hands. They took pleasure in money and bartering.
Much of the East was covered in long plains. They stretched for miles and miles sometimes. There were no shores in the East. The long plains came to an abrupt end where the water began. The sudden drop-off created beautiful cliffs that lined the water’s edge. Most of the Eastern shore was covered with these cliffs. It made beautiful scenery, but terrible harbors. Because of this, there was almost no trading with Aleria (the somewhat close Island). There would not have been a whole lot of trading anyway, but even the little that could have existed was snuffed out. Besides the beautiful cliffs, the East boasted of great trees. They were known for some of the tallest trees on the Island.

The South was a different matter altogether. There lived the Dwellers of the Night. They had taken the Light of Atea, and instead of using it properly like the Elves, they had twisted and skewered it. They took the natural forces and perverted them. They excelled in unnatural and unthinkable things. Some would sum it all up by saying that they twisted life itself. They were powerful, even more powerful than the Elves, and everyday their forces grew stronger. Ugly creatures dwelled there. They infested the land of ash, smoke, and lava. Death itself seemed to inhabit the South. The light of the sun was continually blocked and distorted by the eternal haze and smoke. Nothing was right or good there. Nothing green grew there. The land was wasted and ruined. There was only pain and the chasing of magic. They sought power and magic above all else.
None of the terrible creatures even began to compare to the Leader. He was so terrible, they did not speak of Him often for fear He may draw near to them. His very presence was known to rattle peoples’ souls inside them. They could tell when He drew near. He was like a shadow and a vapor. He was like Death.

They had tried several times to infest the whole Island. Several Wars had broken out between the ugly creatures and the others. The most notable war was when the South invaded the West. They tried to drive out the Elves (undoubtedly the most powerful creatures inhabiting the Island besides themselves). But the Elves had pushed them back to the South. The Elves sent the ugly creatures running back to the castles, towers, and fortress of the South. Since that Great War, there had been only little conflicts. For almost an age, the Island saw peace. There was prosperity and growth.

Even the inhabitants of a large forest called Airdon noticed the difference. They lived in the center of the Island. Although they were not as secluded as the Dwarves in their mountains, the people of Airdon lived a secluded life from the rest of the Island. Except for a few travelers here and there, the forest saw very few outsiders. The capital of the forest was called Lagumbeer Falls, or as most people called it The Falls. No one was quite sure why it was the capital. It was not the largest city in the forest by far. In fact it was one of the smaller cities. Few travelers made it all the way inside the forest to see Lagumbeer Falls.

Consequently it was not a very economical city. The people there were not rich. Well, most of them were not rich. There were several people who had made their fortune in the more industrial cities of the forest, and once their fortune made, they took up residence in The Falls. They were the upper class of society. They usually were not stuck up, but occasionally had a tendency to lean that way.
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Old 01-13-2005, 08:21 PM   #2
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Not only is it too long, it's also poorly formatted. That's why you haven't got any responses.

In terms of length, if you have to press 'page down' more than four times, it's too long (that's just my rule. Not sure about everyone else).

In terms of formating, the forum doesn't pick up indents, so the accepted standard is to leave a line between paragraphs.

Think about that then resubmit it. Hopefully you'll get some interest.
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Old 01-14-2005, 11:18 PM   #3
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this seems like a really great prompt to another story... not that im a pro or nything fo the sort but what it seems to me is a prologue fit for ANY number of stories... my only question is where are they??? keep writing keep submitting its the only way to get better and try to step back from the "old man telling a story in front of the fire place" feel... its much better if its fraught with action like this sounds like its gonna be... GOOD LUCK!!!
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