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Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 3
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Hi, thanks for the reply Kat. Sorry to tell you, but I posted the wrong draft. That was draft #1. I'm on draft#3 right now. Like you I didn't like the opening, so I changed it. Still I doubt that my real opening is very original either. And sorry about not putting in italics. I didn't notice the buttons when posting. Well, ah.... here is the real version. Note:the only change is the opening, plus that this is the intro to my story. Thanks.
Long ago, before there was Time, there was nothing. The Great Father looked upon the universe and felt the need to create. And so from elements of himself, He created his daughters. The older was child was Lakhiso, and the younger child was Leneara. Being made from the two extremes of His personality, the daughters were the embodiment of Good and Evil. Lakhiso, known as the Dark Queen, was restless, very ambitious and strived hard to achieve greater power. Leneara, the Light Queen, was calm, compassionate and worked to humbly obey the Father.
Next, the Great Father made a group of children, each with the essence of an aspect of His personality. There was Surakh, the Witness, who was made with the desire simply to observe and analyze the workings of this universe. Then came Ulheara, God of Healing, made to heal those who had been hurt in body and soul. Next was Nishez, known simply as Nature. She was made with the powers of Fire, Earth, Wind and Water inside of her. After Nishez, the Father made Ergof, the Crafter, who had the power to create. And as if to counter Ergof’s creations, the Father made Mithra, the Decayer, who caused all that had been created(with the exception of the gods) to decay and perish. Finally, the Father created Eldev, the Explorer, who wanted to explore and find out the workings of the universe- through trial and error.
To keep a balance in this universe, the Great Father made two Gods of Good, two Gods of Neutrality, and two Gods of Evil. Ergof and Nishez were aside such things and were interested in creating. Naturally, the gods that were on the same side were drawn to each other. The one common aspect that all the gods had was love. Whether it was love for good, evil, or creation, it was still love. And so the Three Daughters of the Gods were born. Born to Leneara and Ulheara was Morano, the White Sun. Born to Lakhiso and Mithra was Khirano, the Black Sun. Born to Surakh and Eldev was Jorano, the Red Sun. Although inheriting qualities of good and evil from their parents, the three daughters had no interest in the constant squabbling between the gods. Seeing this, the Great Father created a Realm for the gods- the heavens. Sending all the gods there, He granted the Three Daughters leave of the Realm if they wanted to. Taking the offer, the Daughters descended into the universe. And so, the universe gained its first stars.
Noting that once again the universe was virtually empty, the Great Father commanded Ergof to create a world. Going back to his ‘workshop,’ Ergof crafted a ball out of the clouds, Nishez used her magic turn it into Earth. Placing the ball in his forge, Ergof hammered at the ball. The heat of the fire created a heart of molten lava. The sparks flying about descended into the universe and stars were created. When Ergof was done, the ball was no longer a smooth brown, ball. It looked like a misshapen lump of rock. Nishez then worked the rest of her magic. Using Earth, the lumps on the rock became mountains and hills, and trees sprouted in various areas to make forests, bushes and plants; Fire moved the molten lava upwards causing some mountains to become lava; Water created seas, lakes and oceans; Wind caused everything from slight breezes to tornadoes. Satisfied with themselves Ergof and Nishez handed the new world to the Great Father.
The Father blessed the world with new life in the form of spirits. Like the Gods, the Father put his own essence into the spirits. Releasing the world into the universe, the universe gained life. The spirits sunk themselves into various areas in the world and materialized. From the spirits in the forest came the Elves, from the spirits in the caves came the Dwarves, from the spirits in the sea came the Merfolk, and finally from the spirits over the plains came Men. And so, the world of Argn was born. But the gods scheming and fighting spilled over to the Argn. Life on the world became a struggle for survival as well. There were beings corrupted by Lakhiso, seeking to control the world. There were beings blessed by Leneara, but had no way to fight Lakhiso’s followers. Taking all this in, Morano, Jurano and Khirano agreed to let the power of magic flow into the life on Argn. Ergof taught them how to craft out of metal and wood. Surakh blessed them with a knowledge and with a desire for knowledge. Now the beings could protect themselves. Or so the Gods believed.
Armed with the gifts of the Gods, Lakhiso’s temptation grew greater for some. Men so twisted by evil that they turned into Ogres. Elves deserted their homes for power, leading to Dark-Elves. Dwarves used Ergof’s teaching to make weapons of evil. Merfolk warred among themselves as well as any who came close by. But no all succumbed to Lakhiso. Those who followed Leneara tried to bring an end to evil. This led to Ages of Good and Ages of Evil, but such is needed to keep the Balance of the universe.
As time passed on the world flourished with a bright glow, although it dimmed every now and then with evil rising. But it always shone brighter afterwords. Now that bright world was about to be dimmed-once again. Lakhiso smiled as she gazed into the world.
*******
Up in the heavens, Surakh and Leneara looked on as The Dark Queen worked her magic. Troubled, the gods glanced at each other. The makings of this new warrior would unbalance the world greatly. Already, a great power flowed through the man, greater than any one mage or sorcerer could handle unaided. Lakhiso had unleashed a great evil on the world and to counter it, the two gods would have to send warriors of their own. And so, Surakh and Leneara gazed into the world as they worked magic of their own.
*******
In the fabled Forest of Rathi, two brothers traveled warily. Mezra, the older brother, was a mage of the Red Robes, meaning that he had pledged his life to Neutrality and surrendered his magic to Jurana, the Red Sun. In contrast to Mezra, Sarok was a sorcerer. Rather than gain his magic from the gods, Sarok gained his magic from his surroundings and shaped it into his own. Sarok was a sorcerer of the Green Robes, exceptional in the magic of nature.
Even in the midst of the forest, the Towers were visible. Stopping for a moment, both Mezra and Sarok dared a look at the Towers. The brothers shivered at the sight of the High Towers of Magic. They had traveled to the tower for their Tests. Although both the brothers had Robes of Colour, they were fairly new mages. Three years ago, the brothers had reached the High Towers. There the two split up; Mezra to the Tower of Wizardry, Sarok to the Tower of Sorcery. Mezra was greeted by the Heads of the Three Robes. The next day Mezra took his test. What happened during the Test was unknown to all but the Heads of the Three Robes and Mezra himself. Going in, Mezra had worn the gray robes of an apprentice. Coming out, a tired and battered Mezra wore the crimson red robes of a mage.
At the Tower of Sorcery, Sarok was greeted by the Heads of the Four Robes. Like Mezra, Sarok took his test the next day. Unlike Mezra, what happened during Sarok’s Test was known only to himself. When Sarok completed the Test, he came out wearing the Green Robes.
The brothers then spent the next three years learning from powerful mages and sorcerers, and acquiring new spells. Both of them grew in power immensely and could hold their own, but were still far from being powerful. And so, now that they were on their own, the brothers went on their own journey to reach greater heights.
Looking away from the Towers, Mezra and Sarok continued on their way. Protected by charms granted by their masters, the brothers had no fear of the monsters and beasts that lurked in the darkness. After two or three hours, the brothers stopped to rest.
“Solaam,” Mezra muttered a command of magic, and the bulb of his staff lighted with a blue light. Thrusting the staff into the ground between each other, the two sat down exhausted. Sarok took out salted strips of dried meat and cheese, and passed it on to his brother. As the two ate, they chattered on about the various spells and forms of magic that they had learned during their stay. Not being able to meet with one another for three years, the two had much to catch up on. When their bellies were full and their minds weary the brothers went off to sleep.
Red light burned all around Mezra. Slowly, but surely, the light gathered together to form the shape of a man. Like Mezra, the man wore the Red Robes.
“MEZRA,” he called, his voice booming all around them, “I AM SURAKH, GOD OF NEUTRALITY.” Mezra gasped. The god himself, surely this must be a dream. “YOU ARE CORRECT, BUT ONLY IN PART. A DREAM THIS IS, BUT VERY REAL AS WELL,” Seeing comprehension dawn on Mezra’s face, the god carried on. “YES, THIS IS EL’ SO’ DANIS, WHAT YOU HUMANS CALL THE WORLD OF DREAMS. MEZRA, I HAVE A MISSION FOR YOU. GO TO LUNAS MORTA. THERE YOU WILL MEET A CLERIC OF LENEARA, GOD OF GOOD AND WITH HER AN ELVEN WARRIOR.”
Confused, Mezra meekly asked the god, “For what, my lord? Surely, there can be no situation dire enough for the gods themselves to enter the world of men. And if there is, why pick me, a lowly wizard? There must those more powerful to fulfill your needs.”
Surakh smiled to himself. He said, “MEZRA, I CHOOSE YOU FOR MY OWN REASONS. I COULD PICK ANOTHER STRONGER IN MAGIC AND MIND, BUT NAY, I PICK YOU. AS TO WHY I DESCEND INTO THIS UNIVERSE, ALREADY AN EVIL HAS BEEN UNLEASHED ON THIS WORLD. CAN YOU NOT FEEL THE POWER OF EVIL GROW GREATER EVEN AS WE SPEAK. HAVE YOU NOT FELT THIS UNBALANCE BETWEEN THE GREAT POWERS FOR THE PAST SEVEN YEARS. YOU MUST GO TO LUNAS MORTA WITH YOUR BROTHER AND MEET THE CLERIC AND THE WARRIOR. TOGETHER YOU MUST STOP THIS EVIL.”
“B-But-”Mezra tried to stammer as he was cut off.
“NO ARGUMENTS, MEZRA. HURRY, TIME IS RUNNING OUT. TO LUNAS MORTA YOU GO.” There was a flash of white light and-
Mezra sat up sharply gasping for air. He looked over to his brother and saw him do the same. Their eyes locked together, and they understood.
“The dream?” Sarok asked. Mezra nodded at his brother. “Lunas Morta… what could possibly be there?” Mezra shook his head.
“It does not matter what is there, it is order of a god.” The brothers looked out into the night, which felt chilly all of a sudden.
“To Lunas Morta we go.’
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The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist.
-Usual Suspects
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