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Member
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 8
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Rag Dolls
Rag Dolls
It was December when she was taken. She can’t really remember the date. Partly because she doesn’t know the date now. She’d always been a happy girl since birth. Smiling at everything and everyone she could. After all, if life was too short to smile at people then it wasn’t worth living! She had shoulder length blonde hair, brown eyes and olive skin. Naturally thin, she’d always been the envy of most other teenage girls in her class but only genuinely disliked by a few. She found school rather boring but at the same time enjoyed seeing all her friends. She loved Fridays because of the weekend being imminent and hated Mondays with a vengeance.
Monday
‘Louise’
‘Yes!’
‘Vi….RACHEL SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP NOW….Vicki.’
‘Yes sir!’
‘Abby.’
‘Yes sir.’
Abby sat in her chair, in her place, in the same classroom she sat in everyday. On her left was Holly – short, blonde and with a laugh that could knock you down, on her right Liz – cropped brown hair and a nose ring that always got the teachers glaring and the younger kids moving out the way. They were all 16 and right in the middle of…yes… ‘The most important things in their school careers so far!!!’ and quite honestly they didn’t care. The way Abby saw it she’d worried enough about the little bits of homework being perfect in year 7, to cover her for life.
‘Yo Abby! What you listening to?’
‘Some random poppy rubbish that means nothing at all and yet is scarily – and annoyingly – catchy’
‘Britney?’
‘Yup’
Just as Abby started to listen to the latest pop drivel which everyone was singing in their heads but slagging off out loud, the bell rang.
‘Cheeeeemmissstryyyyy!!’ sang Abby in her happy sing song voice.
‘Abby….die. I love you. But the smiling…its doing my head in hon’
‘Pfft…you’d be happy if you were GOING TO SEE ‘YELLOW GRASS’ ON FRIDAY!!!!’
‘No..No...I’d be trying to stab myself with a compass if I was being forced to go listen to that. Right Holls?’
‘They’re ok….. In the same way suicide is OK.’
‘JEALOUS! ALL OF YOU! JEALOUS! See you at break!’
Abby ran straight out of the classroom and into the rest of the school day which like every other day she sat through, stared at the clock and now and then replied to a note or text message. Just like any other school day.
And finally the bell. The one sound that everyone loved the most.
‘Right. HOMEWORK IN FOR TOMORROW PEOPLE. GIVE IT YOUR ALL.’
Abby walked out the classroom with a smile on her face. Yet another day dealt with, yet another set of facts to add to her essential collection, yet another night at home alone doing homework and staring at TV mindlessly.
Tuesday
‘Louise’
‘Yes!’
‘Vi….RACHEL PUT THAT IN THE BIN NOW….Vicki.’
‘Yes sir!’
‘Abby.’
‘Yes sir.’
Report day. The day every schoolgoer cherished and knew that after that day it went two ways. Extra money and favourite meals or grounded and cut off from the world. Well the world that mattered anyway…
Abby sat with her two best friends as normal, pawing over the latest edition of her magazine, pointing out the latest picture of a random actor and laughing at the problem pages.
‘Holly you’re walking today right?’
‘Hum? Oh yeah…I’m getting picked up at the shops though so I don’t need to stay in you’re house for long tonight.’
‘Kk…Oh god the reports. Good luck girls!’
The silent reading, the groans of disbelief that littered the classroom, the quiet smugness of those who got ‘excellent’ so many times you’d think they just ordered paper with it already written on as a background filled the air.
And soon, noise erupted as lessons began again. And Abby went through the same lessons, the same homework routine and walked home with her best friend Holly, the same as always.
‘MUM! IVE GOT MY REPORT!’
‘Well it can’t be that bad then if you’re deciding to show it to me.’
‘Hmmm….’
Abby had always got on with her parents. Very normal parents, average height, average age, average names. They let her go out when she wanted provided she didn’t fall behind at school and she was back at a decent time and fit for school the next day. Abby sat on her kitchen stools as she watched her mum’s face read the report.
‘Cautious…..happy….humour…..disbelief…..and its ended in a smile. IT HAS ENDED IN A SMILE. SCORE!!!’
‘Very good Abby. Looks like you will be allowed to go see that band of yours on Friday after all. Now…dinner!’
Wednesday
‘Louise’
‘Yes!’
‘Vi….RACHEL FOR GODS SAKE PUT THAT AWAY ….Vicki.’
‘Yes sir!’
‘Abby.’
‘Yes sir.’
‘What did your mums think then?’
‘Not good. Not allowed out this weekend unless I basically redo my art.’
‘It was OK. I’m allowed to have a social life on the weekends if I don’t go out on the weekdays. You?’
‘Ohhhh…um ok. She’s cool with it all’
‘You got excellent didn’t you?’
‘Maybe’
‘ARGH ABBY! I swear you’re on speed or something! You don’t even listen in lessons and you still get all the good reports. Mad world. Mad, mad world’
It was weird how school taught you to be proud but friends taught you to be ashamed. It left you feeling lost at whether to be happy or embarrassed at any mark. Abby got up at the bell and walked to Maths on her own but suddenly realised she needed to talk to Holly again. Among the crowd she spotted the shock of blonde hair among the crowd.
‘HOLLY!!!!! HOLLYHOLLYHOLLYHOLLY!’
‘Oh for gods sake. Shut up you tart.’ Mumbled a younger year as Abby shouted. After a withering and authoritive glare, Abby caught up with Holly.
‘You walking?’
‘You ask that EVERY TIME! But…ironically, no I’m not. Going to buy you’re birthday present.’
‘In that case…I shall forgive you leaving me to walk all on my lonesome. Get me something good! See ya later!’
Each bell passed, each lesson flew by and once again Abby found herself facing an evening of chilling and homework intermingled in a totally incompatible mix.
As she walked down the street she noticed how cold it had been getting. It was mid December and as the trees got barer; the people around her got more and more covered with various woolly garments. She walked with her arms folded across her black coat and her head down. Suddenly a flash of red enveloped her and she fell hard, her arms too entangled to break her fall.
Thursday
‘Louise’
‘Yes!’
‘Vi….RACHEL …..’
‘I’M NOT DOING ANYTHING!’
‘DON’T TALK BACK TO ME YOUNG LADY….Vicki’
‘Yes sir!’
‘Abby.’
‘Abby?’
‘Does anyone know where Abby is?’
‘Haven’t seen her sir. I was out all night so I didn’t even ring her. Lucky cow gets to stay at home!’
‘Ok. And take that nose ring out.’
‘Oh for gods sake’ muttered Liz under her breath. ‘Did you see Abby last night?’
‘Nope. Was at home being watched by my parents and forced to do homework on…ironically…concentration camps.’
‘HAH! Slave labour! Slave labour I tell you! Oh well it looks like it’s just us two today.’
Day One
It was cold... very cold. And this time she couldn’t fold her arms to try and keep warmer. Abby was bound at the arms and the feet and leaning against a concrete wall on a concrete floor. She had only just come around and she still had red in front of her eyelids. She woke up with a shock and her eyes flew open realising she wasn’t where she was meant to be. All she could see was concrete walls surrounding her. She screamed until her voice grew hoarse and all she could hear was the echoes of herself bouncing around the room. She tried to stand up and get out somehow but she failed at even this and as she looked around she saw how impossible it was. Her cell looked to be about 8 foot by 8 foot and only had the tiniest of windows right at the top. Not big enough for even an entire arm to get through. A metal door to her right was jammed tight in the wall with no door knob and no hope of escape.
Her head felt like it was splitting open and she could feel cuts and grazes all over her. It had to be a mistake. She must be dreaming. Yes that was it. She was asleep.
No, even she knew that wasn’t true and as she looked about her at the bare concrete cell she started to cry silently. The tears fell down her face and splashed onto the floor making the only sound in the room. She fell sideways and ended up lying on her side in the foetal position. The rope was burning her wrists and she had cramp in about every muscle she knew the name of. She stayed like that for hours with no sound from outside and no other people – not even an abductor. Abby became more and more dehydrated until she just couldn’t cry anymore. Her throat felt like sandpaper, her eyes were sore and stomach felt tight.
As she lay, curled up on the floor, she looked around again. She realised to the full extent what had happened and vomited. She laid with her head on the floor, her eyes open and staring. She didn’t move except to gag at the smell and shiver from cold.
Day Three
Abby was thinner already. Left in her concrete cell she had had no contact, water or food for three days now. Her head swam with every small movement and she was so dehydrated and cold she hardly had the energy to move position let alone consider her situation. She vaguely remembered the self defence classes they’d put her through at school and remembered her comment to Liz that ‘any person that tried it on with her would end in a coma.’ She grimaced at the memory of her stolen life and closed her eyes slowly. She was numb to everything, even the cuts didn’t sting anymore. Her blood felt ice cold as it pumped slowly and irregularly round her body. Abby swam in and out of consciousness, opening her eyes gradually only to close them again with the effort. Her eyes rolled back in her head and she gave up. Sleep she would. And maybe when she woke up she’d be at home with her mum, her dad and that little brother that didn’t seem so bad anymore.
Saturday
That home Abby was dreaming of was in turmoil itself. It was silent. Full of people -but silent. Her mum sitting at the kitchen counter staring at the report envelope, her dad just finished telling the police yet again that ‘no, she didn’t have reason to run away’. Her brother playing on the play station, but not trying to win - just using it to hit some buttons as if every time he hit something on the screen, some of what he was feeling would go away.
When Abby hadn’t come home that night her mum presumed that she was round Holly’s and had just forgotten to ring. When it got late and Abby’s mobile wasn’t answered, she phoned the police. From then she had no idea of time. It had been just a blend of people telling her not to panic and that ‘she’s probably fine’. It was the probably she didn’t like. Her only daughter gone - vanished. How could no one see a teenage girl vanish? How could she have become invisible like that? It didn’t make sense. She hated to think how every kidnapping on the news recently always ended in a body being found. Not a person… a body. She remembered how she used to think ‘oh well its better they know what’s happened.’ But now…now she realised what rubbish that was. She couldn’t bare the thought Abby could be lying somewhere in a ditch as lifeless as road kill and simply couldn’t imagine what she’d do if it were true. And so she sat. Staring at the report card and waiting for the silence to be interrupted with her baby girl coming home.
Day Four
Dark… so dark. On the verge of death now, Abby could look around and imagine she was in an endless void – much like she imagined death to be like. She couldn’t see the walls and it must’ve been night since no light was coming through the window. Nothing. And she found that she wasn’t even scared anymore. She’d been through what she imagined hell to be like the past few days and so she had no beyond to fear. Only relief from what the thousand different types of pain she was experiencing.
Suddenly she heard something. She could hardly believe it. It’d been so silent; Abby had almost started to believe she’d gone deaf. But she heard someone. Footsteps coming closer and closer outside the room. Fear struck at her like an animal, leaving her vulnerable as ever and all she could do was wait.
Footsteps getting louder.
She hadn’t thought about her captor much. She had for the first day - worrying he’d come kill her. But after that she was too busy trying to swallow without feeling like her throat was ripping to think about who had put her there and why.
Louder.
She froze even more, wishing she could just die now. But hang on. Maybe it was someone coming to save her. Take her home! No. no they’d have shouted out by now.
Silence.
She heard a door slowly opening beside her and felt heave mechanical locks shifting in the walls behind her. She tried to scream but all she could do was emit a high pitched squeak.
‘Round and round the garden like a teddy bear. One step. Two step….tickle you under there!’
Abby felt rough hands pinching her sides and desperately tried to squirm away. Everything was dark. No light came through the door and she only saw the vaguest of shadows. A man. Tall and large. Cheap aftershave mingled with the smell of urine, vomit and sweat in the cell and caused her to gag once more.
‘Now, now. Have some water; we wouldn’t want you to feel uncomfortable here would we? Not when you’re our guest!’
Abby felt a glass pushed to her lips and she drank, not caring if it was keeping her alive when she’d rather die. Her dehydrated body took over, gulping it down quickly and without breaths.
“There we go! Now you’re all better, I think we should have a look at you. Now there’s a light in here as you probably noticed…wayyyy up there. But you see we wouldn’t want you seeing me would we?! That’d spoil everything.”
Abby found a new voice and whimpered “Let me go…I’ll do anything. Please”
It sounded so pathetic to her ears. Something she would’ve laughed at on TV. But what else could she say. That’s was all that she was thinking and all she could find the heart to say.
“Why would you want to leave? You’re a guest! You have to stay otherwise our feelings will be hurt. Unless you’re saying you don’t like us. Unless you’re rejecting us like everyone else.”
“No…please…I just want to go home.’
“You are home! Now let me take a look at you…”
Abby expected him to switch on a light but the way he had said he didn’t want her seeing him had unnerved him more if it was possible. As she strained her eyes to see what he was doing, if he was reaching for the light, she felt a pinprick in her arm followed by the unpleasant sensation of liquid entering her bloodstream and numbing her body. As she tried to struggle her eyes shut slowly and her head hit the floor once more.
Monday
‘Louise’
‘Yes.’
‘Vicki’
‘Yes’
Holly and Liz sat in the classroom. For the first time ever everyone was silent. Hardly anyone was even moving. The absence of Abby’s name in the register stung everyone with an honest truth. Abby had been missing for four days now. Long enough for the police to realise this wasn’t just a runaway teen case and long enough for the possibility the worst had happened to sink in. Abby’s best friend sat in their seats, an empty seat between them making the inseparable trio visibly incomplete. How did you deal with someone you were so used to spending so much time with just disappearing without a trace? Holly had just been in shock when her mum had told her Abby was missing. She couldn’t believe it at all. The weekend had been scarily quiet. She’d gone round and spent a day with Liz just talking, crying and hugging. She felt almost guilty crying. It was like admitting Abby might be dead - like giving up on her. She almost wanted to believe she had run away because that meant she could at least come back. But the more probable idea of someone having taken her…that was too disturbing to think about. The idea of Abby being forced to get into a car with a psycho, a pervert…it unsurprisingly sickened everyone to the core. The school day carried on as normal. The people didn’t. But the day did. Lessons were taught to subdued classes. Every mistaken reading out of Abby’s name in registers was replied to by intakes of breath and Holly walked home alone, constantly looking over her shoulder and hoping that tomorrow there would be an answer to Abby’s name in the register.
Day Six
She awoke. And screamed. She couldn’t open her eyes. Blackness everywhere. But not the blackness of dark - blackness of blindness. She could see shapes on her eyelids – could tell the light was on and someone was moving around her. But her eyes…she couldn’t open them. She tried and with every attempt she screamed in pain. Her eyelids wouldn’t open and it felt like she was tearing her cheeks apart with every struggle.
“Now, now! You won’t want to do that will you?! It took me a long time to get it right. I was never good at home economics but I think I did quite well in this case!”
Abby realised what he had done to her and choked on all the words she wanted to say. She could feel the cotton tieing her eyelids down, feel the holes in her skin. Abby felt tears well up but then sting her eyes as they searched for an escape and found none. Blood caked her eyelids and with every tug, skin was pulled up.
Abby heard the voice again and heard the sound of shuffling. He sang in a scarily childlike, happy way. His voice wasn’t particularly gruff or deep…but it seemed to just enter you mind, not through the ears at all. It just appeared there. It was that kind of magical, smooth sound.
“ragg dolls rag dolllsss how we patch them up….big ones ….small ones….how we stitch them up.”
“Why?”
“Why?! Because! Have you ever seen a dolly look at you back?! I certainly haven’t!”
“I’m not a doll…i'm a person…My name’s Abby…I have a family, I have friends and I have a home…please…”
Abby tried to reason, she tried to attack any sympathy this man had but she couldn’t find any. He just answered with small Childs rhymes or with denials of her having existed before he found her. The stench of six days living in squalor filled her nostrils, the sound of his singing filler her ears and as she realised everything had been taken form her - even the freedom of being able to cry.
Tuesday
‘Louise’
‘Yes.’
‘Vicki’
‘Yes’
No Abby. It had been recognised as a kidnap case now and the town was out searching every lay-by and ditch in sight. The police had no clues, no motives and no suspects. The town was silent and so it remained for several weeks. One by one Missing posters blew away; less and less people could be seen combing roadsides and school was once again noisy. Holly and Liz remained quiet and subdued but the people around them. They seemed to forget. To just put it away in a little box in their minds as if they’d given up hope. It was still a footnote on people’s minds but it no longer hung on every word. Abby’s mum, dad and brother continued still. Waiting everyday for her to walk through the door, for the police to phone, for anything. But nothing. Abby’s room remained as empty as the wishes of return all the neighbours gave.
Week ?
It had been so long now. It had almost become routine. Almost. How could any human get used to living like an animal? Is it possible? Her restraints had been cut after the first week. After all what was the point in running if she didn’t know where she was or see where she was going?
He came to visit Abby everyday. Once a week he cleaned her as if she was a dog having a weekly bath. All dignity stripped Abby just sat staring into her own eyelids, trying to disregard the way he made her skin crawl with every touch.
Her wrists were covered in scratches – remains of desperate ‘escape’ attempts made in the deep night with only her fingernails to help her. He fed her once a day with the same childlike manoeuvres seen in a tea party. She was forced to sit there and be spoon fed while he made analogies to trains and planes coming into land. For the first week she vomited everything back up but soon she learnt that that only made things worse. He would resent her. Talk about being rejected and sometimes even hit her across the face. What disturbed her more was he apologised.
“I’m sorry…I’m so sorry my darling. But I do so want you to stay and be happy with me.” He would cry in a high pitched voice. Abby could hear the splashes of tears and she felt even more sickened by the fact that this thing pretended to care about her.
All she could do was think. She tried to block out her other senses like he’d blocked out her sight. She tried to not smell his aftershave, not hear his songs, and not feel his hands touching her, playing with her hair…just like a doll. A doll that couldn’t look back. She tried to block everything out, pretend he wasn’t there but she couldn’t. Instead her senses had got stronger. Her lack of sight had been compensated for. She could hear him coming a long way across whatever building she was in, smell him before he even entered the room and feel the door opening beside her. And with each infringement this man made upon her senses, one more cell of hope died.
She’d made several attacks on him, and tried to run… but each time she had been caught, hit and abused as a punishment. For the past week she had just given in. Let herself be the doll he so wanted. She could only hope now that he would get bored of her like every child does of their favourite toy eventually. Kill her soon, so she did not have to live through any more indignity and shame. Until one day she heard what she needed to hear. Or rather didn’t hear it.
Abby sat in her cell, the putrid smell of faeces and urine hanging in the air, white glare smothering her eyelids from the light above. She had not slept for days. She could only sleep for an hour at a time, before waking up gagging and vomiting due to the smell, or due to the incessant glare of the light.
Suddenly she heard him. Faint footsteps coming across the floor a while away. Then she smelt his aftershave mingle with her own putrid smells and finally felt the heavy vibrations in the wall as the door was swung open. But what she did not feel, what she did not hear … was the sound shutting of the door behind him. A spark of emotion flew up into her deadened and slumbering mind. The spark lit a fire and as he drew nearer the unused synapses in her mind sprang to life. No longer did she only see thinking in her future. Now she knew what to do. It was her only chance. And if ‘only chances’ weren’t taken then no miracles would ever happen.
He neared her, shuffling across the floor. And with each step, her heart rate increased until finally she felt his face near hers. She could tell he was smiling she always could. He started to hum a faint nursery rhyme to himself and she suppressed the urge to vomit again at the idea of him smiling because of her.
5…
What if it all went wrong? What if he caught her and killed her?
4…
It wouldn’t be any worse than what was already happening to her surely. But still that small shred of self preservation lingered in her.
3…
She just needed to hurt him enough to run out. That was all she needed for now.
2…
But she could see. She was as good as blind to the world. Her eyes stitched up. She didn’t even have a clue where she was!!!!
1…
She must take her ‘only chance’
0
With a burst of energy that hadn’t been alive in her since running for her school team, she stood quickly and kicked in front of her. She couldn’t see where he was but she didn’t need to. Shapes on her eyelids gave her vague shadows of positions and her hearing could give her direction. She kicked again and this time she struck. A low pitched scream and a heavy thump on the floor as he fell clutching his stomach. She ran. Out the door. In a large space now. Still inside. She ran so hard…primal blood of all prey running through her blood. Her feet pounded on the surface, slower than normal – she hadn’t used them in so long. Concrete passed below her and then suddenly a wall. She listened. A shuffling far behind her – he was coming. She desperately listened. Tried to hear anything but the sound of her own heart beating or renewed indignity and death shuffling towards her.
A sound. Cars. So, so faint. She ran left. Louder here. She felt the walls all the time hearing him coming closer – hearing him gasping for air trying to regain his breath that shed knocked out of him hard.
Such a large building – must be a warehouse. Her hands felt along rust corrugated metal – frozen from winter temperatures. Splinters entered her skin deep but she hardly noticed – forever running her hands over the surface in an effort to find something different. And then she found it. A hinge. Just to the left. Come on he’s nearly here! COME ON! She could hear him so close now. So nearly touching her. Smooth surface and a bar. She lifted it and pushed. She fell outside into wet grass and heard a roar of anger behind her. She stood and ran nearer to the sound of cars. She fell again and started to panic. She felt hands grasp at her but she kicked again and sprung up.
It was so bright. So much light tried to enter her eyelids – so much light she hadn’t seen in weeks. She couldn’t see anything now. She was blind. So she screamed. As loud as she could. She screamed over and over like unrelenting siren. And then a car. She heard it pulling up. She screamed as a hand grabbed her hair from behind and spun her away from the noise and into his chest making the smell of cheap aftershave fill her nose again.
Abby froze. She was caught again. But she could hear other movement and her captor was silent – something was happening. Somebody else was coming closer and the hand on her hair tightened making her squeak in pain.
“What the hell’s she screaming for? Hey, why are you holding her like that? She your kid or something?’
‘Oh. Yeah. The little brat got out of hand is all. Tried to make some cars crash. Got all dirty in the mud and scratched herself up pretty bad. Needed teaching a lesson is all.’
‘Kids today eh? They don’t see what their fun can lead to…Well I was just checking. I’ll be on my way now.’
Abby tried to scream and tell this new person that she had to escape, had to get away but her mouth pressed hard against His rough shirt.
So close to escape but it was walking away from her.
‘Here, Do you know which road to take to the A56?’
The person had turned again. They were facing her. She used everything left in her, every strand of hope and will to live that hadn’t been stripped away and she twisted until her head faced the person. Until he saw her eyes. Saw her face.
‘Holy…..’
She felt panic enter Him. He swore and let go of her hair. And he ran. The cause of her indignity, the cause of her deadened self ran in panic of justice being brought upon him. His playtime was over.
She fell to the floor, too tired to even stand anymore. She was hungry, thirsty, smelt of her own faeces and was ready to just fall down and never wake up. But at least she’d do it free.
Monday
‘Louise’
‘Yes!’
‘Vi….RACHEL DON’T MAKE ME TELL YOU AGAIN….Vicki.’
‘Yes sir!’
‘Abby.’
‘Abby?’
‘Yes sir.’
Abby sat in her chair, in her place, in the same classroom she sat in everyday. On her left was Holly – short, blonde and with a laugh that could knock you down, on her right Liz – cropped brown hair and a nose ring that always got the teachers glaring and the younger kids moving out the way. And Abby in the middle.
Returned to her family. Returned to her friends the past month in captivity still fresh in her mind she cherished every second of newborn freedom. Her captor caught so easily. His DNA all over her and found in the same cell she was forced to stay in singing to himself about Humpty Dumpty. After painful operations, stitches had been cut from her eyes and ironically other stitches put in to heal scars and cuts. She would always remember smelling her mum enter the hospital ward for the first time and feeling her mum’s tears splash down on to her own cheeks as she hugged her soundlessly. She remembered hearing her friends and crying with happiness at her return and mortification at what shed been through as they saw her in recovery. And she remembered seeing for the first time in a month the faces of other people. People she loved. She would remain scarred inside at her ordeal and she would remain scarred outside. 5 small circular scars below each eye would never fully heal and several people remarked on how they made her eyes look those on old rag dolls. She’d be Ok. And she knew that now.
The bell rang.
Quietly, she gripped both Holly and Liz’s hands, took a deep breath and they walked out the classroom…together.
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