Hey, so this is my first post on this site Ive see there is some quite good writers on this site so i decided to post the first part of my new story. Let me know what you guys think thanks.

My life hasn’t always being this dramatic. 6 months ago if you would of asked me where abouts id be this time on a night, I would have told you I'm working the graveyard shift at some shit-hole warehouse on the edge of nowhere. I would be scanning my eyes across grainy CCTV footage, glancing from screen to screen every so often with my tired and restless mind drifting off into other places. 6 months ago I would be starring into nothingness as my coffee would slowly turn colder and colder. I would be waiting on the inside of a security room wondering when the morning light would appear through the window above, shining down and releasing me from emptiness.
If you asked me where abouts id be 6 months ago, the last place I would have told you was the back of some darkened speeding car. The last thing I would be doing would be carrying a gun. So how is it that I find myself here now, slowly passing my beretta between my two shaking hands. Trying to look cool as I inspect the gun with my sweaty palms. How is it that I find myself here now being driven into the night ahead with nervous anticipation. The cold sweat beneath my shirt lets me know I’m in the wrong place. My head is aching and its telling me to get out. Inside my heart is beating rapidly but on the surface I look as calm as any of the other men in this car. These men that intruded into my empty little life and turned it upside down. These men that are now my only chance of survival. Its kind of ironic that the only place I am truly safe is in the back of this speeding vehicle with three other handguns around me. Three other men and three other lives that are about to be tested to the fullest. The road beneath us flashes by at a tremendous speed. Cruising down the street at seventy miles per hour and the bumps in the road are starting to match my heartbeat. The end of my cigarette dances around in the back of the car but the smoke is hardly visible here in the darkness. As I take the final few drags I wind the window down halfway and toss the cigarette out into the night, watching as it flickers away and disappears somewhere behind us.
The midnight breeze comes in through the window and blows into my face. The coldness reminds me of the sweat that has now appeared around my forehead and as the wind blows my hair back I catch a glimpse of my eyes in the rear view mirror. I look calm and ready. On the inside I am wishing I was somewhere else rite now. 6 months ago I could have being safe and warm inside my security room in the middle of nowhere. I could have being laid in some shit-hole warehouse with my dead end job and pale blue security guard uniform and I wouldn’t have to have a care in the world. Instead I find myself here in this silent vehicle that is about to slow down and turn sharply into the driveway ahead of us. I am about to attend my final job. I am smoking my last cigarette. I have just sat through my last tense car journey. I am loading my last clip.

So thats it for now. Let me know what you think thanks

ripshark

I'm pretty new meself, and I jus' go round reading other peoples stories to steal their ideas. . . . V. good imagry and well intergrated BI (background information) The only part I thought could be improved is the flow of the story towards the end, but even so, your style gives it a good edgyness that I think complements the events in the story, keep up the good work and i'm looking foward to your next one.

__________________
21.
Riddle me that, riddle me this;
What is it that I cannot miss?
Is it a mark, a place or a time?
Nay, a child of the now speaks not in rhyme.

hey thanks let me know if your posting anything on here aswell. Ive just being working on another part to this story its not going bad. I shud have it up fairly soon.

catfishtuna

the story grabbed me from the beginning I connect with the guy in the back seat as he falshes back and forth between what is and what was before.
I am lookin forward to more but unlike ripshark I am not lookin for ideas to steal.

if the whole story is as interesting as the first few paragraphs I would by the book.

hey thanks man! thats great that you like my story hehe it motivates you to write more when people say things like that. Well im currently writing the second chapter so take another look soon if you like

Ok, so this is just the first part of the second chapter. I decided to post it to get me wanting to write the next part again.

The damp smell of the room slowly fades into your uniform. Your pale blue uniform with creased black trousers and scuffed black shoes. Night shift at warehouse 17 on the edge of nowhere. You sit there alone and you wait. The black and white blur of the surveillance monitors in front of me lights up the entire room, illuminating my restless face and exposing the dark bags underneath my eyes. The coffee on the table to the side of me went cold a few hours ago, laying there still and lifeless. Every minute inside this room lasts a lifetime and after a while the constant humming of the monitors begins to slowly turn you insane.
During the day the warehouse district flourishes with life, the hot sun shining down and reflecting off the buildings below. Forklift trucks weave in and out of the surrounding co-workers as they transport crates to there destination.
At night however this becomes a different place. This is when normal people go home to sleep and dream about their happy little jobs. Around this time I set off and head for my workplace on the edge of nowhere. This is when I lay there and feel my life ending one minute at a time. At night the warehouse district becomes my own personal graveyard. I am inside the video surveillance room on the second floor of warehouse 17 and it feels like I am already dead.
Every so often the room quickly flashes as the monitor screens change their images : The car park changes to the front entrance that changes to the storage room that changes to the loading bay and you soon begin to get the picture. The way these security systems work is that each camera will be placed in certain areas around the warehouse, and in the unlikely event of intruders, well that’s where my job comes into play. When a camera picks up any major movement a red light on the desk panel will begin to slowly flash on and off. The trick is to sleep with your eyes close enough to this light so that you will be woken up if anything major happens. Security guards all over the country are being paid just above minimum wage to sleep this way. And nine times out of ten the red flash to your eyes will be the result of stray birds that have made their way into the warehouse through the roof. Maybe a fly has landed upon a camera lens. But if you are me you suddenly turn around to be met with a shining silver gun in your face.
When looking down the barrel of a gun that is directed entirely at your face it is amazing what kind of things go through your mind. You suddenly remember all the little things in life that make you feel wanted, like all the friends you might never see again. Or the little yellow post-it notes sent from the. You are one hot minute away from certain death, and it’s the most alive you have ever felt. This is how I first met ______. ______ and his group of men that intruded into my empty little life and turned it upside down. I am starting to think of little happy things. One hot minute until certain death and I feel the most alive I have ever felt. I find myself trapped inside my thoughts for a moment until the gun touches my jaw and he begins to speak.

As a side note, i also need help with creating some names where the ___ is. Any suggestions will be appreciated. Thanks, and let me know what you think!