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Old 11-02-2003, 12:29 AM   #1
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KatieJo
Rendezvous...when characters invade our thoughts

The woman sat at the window with the moon reflecting its light off her sad, lonely face. Another night spent just as the nights before. Alone, she was ready to turn the dullness of day into the romance of night. She had stayed up late again, thinking he might come back. But her thoughts were jumbled and she could not focus. She had brought him here once or twice before but she hadn’t seen him in a while and she had missed the magical moments they shared. She thought it would be best if she did not think of him so often; to do so only caused her to ache in places better left buried deep within. If she could just relax and concentrate, she was sure she could get him to make another appearance. But the moon was leaving and she could not stay awake anymore. And he obviously wasn’t going to appear while she stared into the night. Her eyelids were heavy as she stood to stumble off towards bed alone, always alone.

Then suddenly in the shadow behind her was the form of a man. She knew who he was even though she could not see him clearly. He held out his hand and led her away from the window. The moonlight was resting on one end of the sofa as the other remained in near darkness. She had tried to persuade him to sit in the light but he took her to the shadows and invited her to crawl between his arms. He held her close and whispered something in her ear a muffled sound that she translated into words of passion. As he lifted her into his arms and carried her to her room, she strained to see his features. But the room was just simply too dark and he aimed to keep it that way. He was strong, that she knew, yet there was such tenderness it melted away all her fears. He was a man without a name. And his facial features were all fuzzy but she had seen him before. His image imprinted somewhere deep in her mind yet he remained a mystery.

As he carried her off, her heart was pounding against his chest. He laid her gently onto the bed and the remaining bit of moonlight hit her cheeks as it peeked in through the window. Her heart made her heart beat in a pulsating rhythms anticipating his touch. She thought if her eyes were closed she could see him more clearly, yet she kept them closed to create something to hold onto when he left her. And in the darkness behind her closed eyes was the stranger that she would occasionally invite into her dreams. But he never stayed longer than a few fleeting moments. His lips were warm as he kissed her chin and then down to her neck. Complete silence between them except breaths of passion as it grew to magical heights. She felt a glow all over as his tender hands warmed her by each touch of him.

The moonlight was soon gone and the room became dark. An unexplainable noise caused her to open her eyes. She sat up and reached to turn the bedside lamp on and the stranger was gone. Her heart was pounding as she closed her eyes once again and laid back upon her pillow as a single tear ran down her cheek. She wiped away the moist drops from her eyes wondering why the dream of fuzz man always had to end, leaving her with fragmented images she can only recapture by the flow of her pen.
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Old 11-02-2003, 04:07 AM   #2
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I really like this, it has a lot of passion in it. Just a few things I picked up:

Quote:
Then suddenly in the shadow behind her was the form of a man. She knew who he was even though she could not see him clearly
For some reason this seemed not to flow very well. Maybe ; Then suddenly in the shadow behind her appeared the form of a man. And I’m not sure that you need the ‘even’. I personally feel it drags it out a bit much…

Quote:
Her heart made her heart beat
Do you mean his heart made her heart beat?
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)0( I do not understand,
For all the good that I do,
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I am judged, hated, hurt,
For the name of my religion,
And a star upon my breast. )0(

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Old 11-04-2003, 10:27 AM   #3
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It's good, however there are too many full stops in the fic, it dosen't hurt to put in commas.
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