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Old 11-01-2003, 07:08 PM   #1
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The Tale of the Mystic Ruby: Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1*****

Mystery Plot

Tat, tat, tat...
The rain was steady, monotonous, consistent, reliably repetitive...
Yet joy was plentiful. In the Kingdom of Taliah, King Rendell II was having a wonderful, happy party in his enormous palace, the only building around that seemed to stand up for miles. Even outside, you could hear laughing, music, talking. It was akward, watching the rain fall quick and hard and also hearing happiness ring out by the tons. It was almost scary.
As the rain kept going and the clouds continued to be grey, King Rendell II was continuing his wonderful party, in which all the citizens of Taliah were invited. And indeed it did seem that every single person in Taliah had come to the party, for everywhere inside the castle was crowded. And in the very midst of the cfowd, in the main Throne Room, where the enormous feast was being held, you could point out King Rendell easily. He was very jolly, and had the air of Santa on him. He was wearing a glorious robe which was embroided in diamonds and shiny cloth, and on his head there was a very splended-looking crown. It had many diamonds on it as well, from emeralds to sapphires, and in the very middle of it there was a beautiful golden gem. It sparkled more brilliantly than the others, and everybody thought that it must be worth more than Taliah itself. As he enjoyed himself in the middle of the party, talking to many people who were quite happy to chat with him, many other people ate and talked, danced and sang, just had a good time. It was a happy, bright party, and King Rendell was just about the nicest king you could ever ask for. It was the year 1 AD. It was also the year something bad would happen, and the year something quite extraordinary would happen. It was the time of the Mystic Ruby.
In less than an hour, after King Rendell had talked with almost everybody in the castle, the main course of the feast was coming. It was a scrumptious chicken dish, with a special brown sauce on the outside of it. A song was played by the band and the choir on the side of the room by the throne, and it was soon set on the extremely large table in the middle of the room. If you were to count, there would be eighty-five chickens with the brown sauce, one hundred and fifty loaves of fresh bread, ninety gallons of water and fresh milk, three-hundred pounds of vegetables, and much more scattered about the table. It was a welcome feast. "Everyone," said King Rendell, as he sat at the far end of the table, "dig in." There was a large rush and soon everybody was eating their heart out. While all the people were feasting, the butler, Hareldd Harkin, came to the king with a goblet of wine and said, as he left, "Enjoy." The king sipped his wine and the feast continued. The feast was over within an hour, and the whole population of citizens that had come from outside the castle had left. King Rendell was also extremely tired. He got into bed after two hours following the feast and fell asleep quickly. The whole of Taliah was now talking about the glorious feast, and it didn't go quickly. However, bad news struck quickly. The next day, when the rain was still raining steadily, news was struck about that King Rendell was pronounced dead when his maids had found him, not breathing, in his bed. He was a sickening shade of purple, and his eyes were wide open. It was homicide. He had been murderered. This caused much panic in Taliah, and everyone was going crazy. There was no successor. He was too young, and had no son. What was going to happen? While everyone was scared to death in their homes, the rain continued to come down in steady taps.
Tat, tat, tat......

Anybody wish for me to create Chapter 2?
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Old 11-13-2003, 06:07 PM   #2
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In my eyes a good idea would be to make that a prologue, then in the next chapter, you introduce a young man in a small town who doesn't know he's the King's heir...maybe when he tries to claim the throne, his life is threatened. Maybe when he doesn't try to claim the throne, his people try to force him to. Or maybe when he claims the throne, everyone loves him except those hiding in the shadows, making attempts upon his very life. But it is decent writing, with a little revision to make it flow better it would be pretty good! A second chapter (or if you follow my advice, a FIRST chapter) would be a lovely idea. Just a few suggestions!
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The moon by day, and the sun by night.
Blind woman, deaf man, jackdaw fool.
Let the Lord of Chaos rule.

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