Gnomeling

hey all,
after spending much time thinking of how to start my novel i have finall come up with an idea. I only had 20 minutes to write whatever i could when i wrote this ans this is what i came up with... tell me what you think.
I still need to fine tune some parts and smooth it out..i haven't done much editing. Comments, opinions and imput would be greatly appreciated. thanx.

A STRANGER IN THE FOREST
Chapter I

Feldor took a deep breath and turned about on the spot to take in his surroundings. It was a beautiful winter's day in the Drumlins: cold, but undoubtedly beautiful. The night had left a glittering blanket of white snow over the land and trees. In the distance, he could see the white top of the Great forest, the usual sea of green had become a great sea of white. The sun had not yet quite risen above the mountains to the north and the cold winds of the chill night still sent drifts of snow that danced gracefully over the rolling landscape.
Feldor was cold, colder than he could ever remember having been before. Underneath his moleskin cloak he was shivering uncontrollably.
"Gnomes shouldn't be out in the snow," he thought, "we belong underground where it is nice and warm."
That is what he thought for he, being a gnome himself, didn't like snow all that much. Feldor was only a mere two and a half feet tall and, unlike many other gnomes he knew, he was rather thin. That being said, even just a foot of snow was nearly up to his waist. Although his ears were covered with a long black hat that hung down around his midriff, they still felt like they were frozen. His face felt very much the same way.
It had only been an hour ago when Feldor was awoken in the very early hours of the day. He remembered himself sleeping peacefully in his bed, caring not about what was happening abroad, when all of the sudden two rather pudgy gnomes by the names of Ashlin and Ashlor jumped right on top of him.
Feldor had been the greatest of friends with Ashlin and Ashlor for as long as he could remember. They were twins, rather mischievous one at that. Feldor could never find anything that he had in common with the two and he sometimes wondered why they had remained so true to each other throughout the years. After all, it was the twins' fault that they were out in the drumlins at such a dreadful hour playing in the snow. Even if Feldor wasn't able to think of anything they had in common, he knew for a fact that they had completely different opinions on snow.
"Look out" a voice cried from over the nearest hill.
Feldor looked up as quickly as he could, but before he could react, let alone realize what was about to happen, a great big ball of snow and ice collided with the side of his head, sending his hat soaring off is head.
"What did you do that for" he shouted as he staggered to his feet.

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If gnomes could really exist...i would be one

Gnomeling

c'mon guys i need some input here

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If gnomes could really exist...i would be one

Sub

You have a flair for detail, and that's always a good thing. It's also very calm and relaxing to read. Just a few technical errors (some punctuation needs to be added), but otherwise, a good piece of writing.

cdm

A suggestion that fits a lot of the things posted here about dialogue: When using spoken words in particular, and in the body of the work to more of an extent, use more contractions. In situations that are "normal everyday" it sounds formal to NOT use them. i.e., "What did you do that for" (also; it's now acceptable to use more than one punctuation mark, as electronic set-up handles everything) isn't how someone, gnome or otherwise, would react when hit with a snowball. It would be "What'd you do THAT for!?"

You have a good flair for description. You can make your readers feel more "at home" with slightly less formal language.

All-in-all, it's a pretty good start! Write on!

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Darkwing

Two small issues here. When you stated:
I think adding the fact that he was a gnome is repetitive. When Feldor said that:
It solidified the fact that he is a gnome. Also, the inclusion of the next sentence:
Futher indicated that he is a gnome.

Later on in the story, you wrote this:
I don't mean to pick on overlooked mistakes, but isn't it quicker to realize something is happening than to react to it? To improve this, you perhaps may want to use something like: "but before he could realize what was happening, let alone react to it,"

Other than that, and the points already brought up, you have yourself a fine little story there. I am eager to see how it turns out, and I don't usually care for fantasy.

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Opinion is nothing more than ones point of view.

AdamR

I like it. Very descriptive and interesting. Keep us updated.