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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Dec 2002
Posts: 434
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first chapter tell me what you think
This is the first part of the first chaper of my book tell me what you think
Chapter 1
The tires let out a tired sort of groan as the dusty old Ford creaked and died outside of a run-down looking mini-market. Steam rose from under the hood. Amy cut off the pathetic forty-dollar sound system that had been playing a great old song, that through this piece of technology, now sounded like indistinct rattling. As her boots hit the ground, little clouds of Arizonan sand made her once black shoes dirty brown faster than you could say the Emancipation Proclamation backwards.
It was true, Amy liked bacon well enough, but this was a first. The heat made her, for the first time, empathize with the little porkers that her parents had experimented on when she was very little. Well, she thought dully, now I know how a pig's skin feels in a deep fat fryer. You might as well slap me into a Bacon Egg McMuffin and serve me fresh till 11 a.m. Wiping the sweat off her brow, she shook her head to rid herself of the sudden feeling of pity toward the creatures that had once eaten her baby sister.
Susie's tragic death was actually her parents fault. Mr. And Mrs. Marmenty had a history of illegal chemical treatment on animals. It wasn't that they did this intentionally to be cruel, they just did this because they had both gone off the deep end. Not the-swimming-pool deep end, mind you, it was more like the Grand-Canyon-Filled-with-water deep end. No one was ever quite sure of the details, but most versions of the story contain these three details : thirty-nine bottles of neon green glue, a disgruntled white-out collector, and a lone, moldy tuna-fish sandwich.
The night Susie died, had been a sad but memorable one. The Marmentys received a large shipment of highly experimental piranha hormones that had been stolen from a top secret US Military base in Mexico. Instead of 1 drop per pig, as the directions as instructed, Mrs. Marmenty gave each one a whole eyedroppers worth. This was a mistake most likely caused by the fact her vision was blurry. She had been crying her eyes out because her pet ferret suddenly got the idea that he was a beta fish, jumped in the fish tank, killed all the goldfish and promptly drowned. Well, needless to say the pigs escaped and and....
The memory of it still brought tears to Amy's eyes. She blinked twice and headed into the Am. Pm. The store was filled with what Amy's grandmother liked to call, "The reason you young people are having heart attacks so young! I ate healthy as a youngin and look at me now. You know Amy you aught to come for dinner sometime. I can sure make a mean spinach casserole. And then I can make my Brussels sprout chip dip. Won the Annual cook-off three times in a row! Oh yes, that's the stuff that's good food for ya Amy, dear." Amy always wondered who would be nutty enough to award her grandmother's cooking anything.
Being sure not to follow Grannies lovely advice, she got a hot dog with no ketchup, a package of 2 1/2 Twinkies and a 27 ounce bottle of Dr. Pepper.
A old man was wiping the counter top furiously. Amy doubted if he had even noticed when she came in. After she had taken a good look at the place, it seemed as though the counter was the only thing not covered in grime. There was a large crack in the ceiling behind him and a faded 1966 pinup calender set to the wrong month hung on the wall. A clock which looked like it had stopped working 20 years ago, hung upside-down. The hour hand was crooked and the second hand twitched occasionally but that was it. "Scuse me?" said Amy quietly. She did not want to upset the man who already looked extremely angry about an unpleasant mayonnaise spill. "Eh?" said the man in a low growl. He looked up suspiciously.
"Oh. Hi there." He had a darkly tanned face with more wrinkles than the Ruffles Potato Chips that were being sold on aisle 4. He had one eye missing, replaced by a dark green glass sphere. Amy had to bite her tongue to keep from gasping. "Ah," said glass eye, "a customer."
His fingers shot out and grabbed the food and started ringing it up. Amy just gaped. She had never known anyone with a glass eye before. She had once had a friend who was colorblind, but that was hardly the same thing. "Ah I see yer wondering how I got this." he jabbed his thumb at his left socket.
"Er, No!" said Amy quickly, but the man just smiled.
"It's alright ya know," said the man. "Tis not unusual to wonder. Many people ask, although it's not a very big deal. It's not even a professional job."
"What," said Amy, "did you put it in yourself or something?" Nothing would have surprised her.
The man gave a short laugh a bit like a roar. "Are you out yer mind girlie? 'Course I didn't do it my self! Nah. I just happened when me best bud flicked to hard in childhood marble game." He chuckled.
"You mean that thing is a marble?" said Amy. "I though they were small."
"Well the regular ones were girlie, not the big ones you're supposed to knock the little ones out of the circle with. Good grief girlie! Ain't you never play marbles before?"
"No."
"Ah, I suppose so. You girls and your jacks on the stairs." He chuckled again. "Marbles. That's a read he-man game not some sissy jacks and balls." Amy didn't have the heart to tell him that just about all the kids never played jacks or marbles anymore. "Yessiree. Ol' Moe never did have good aim." He leaned closer, as if to tell her a secret. "He became a sharpshooter later in life you know." He laughed in his roaring sort of way.
"WHAT," said Amy. A SNIPER with bad aim?" She sounded incredulous.
"Well yeah." The man leaned in even closer so that Amy could smell his rancid breath. "His secret was this, he always shot eleven feet away from what he was supposed ter kill." He grinned maliciously.
"Wow," said Amy. She had never know a sniper either. "Did he work for the CIA?"
"CIA?" Another roar/laugh. "Nah that son of a bloke worked fer Petsmart." Amy noticed that the man had six missing teeth.
She raised an eyebrow, a trick she had learned from her cow, Bessie. "Why did Petsmart need a SNIPER?" She was beginning to think that this guy was psycho.
The man looked at her as if she was the dumbest person on earth. "Ain't it obvious girlie? To snuff out all the other shooters of course!"
This was starting to annoy Amy. She did not have to put with this blatant bullcrap. "What other shooters."
A bark like a laugh. "Those stupid canines that always shot their freak in' business all over the nice clean floor." His face had the expression of someone who could get very irritated over doggie "business" Although he seemed crazy, Amy could not imagine anyone ever getting THAT annoyed.
Just then a bell sounded in the front of the store. "Well, well, well," said a cold sneering voice, "if it ain't Charlie 'Marble Eye" Martin! How are ya?"
Two men stood at the front of the mart. One, the one with the gun, was wearing an expensive looking dark purple suit and Italian shoes. The other was wearing a t-shirt that said, "Party Naked : Class of '86", baggy green shorts and sandals that undoubtably said, "Made in China".
"Well, well, well, if it ain't tweedle dum and his boyfriend," said Charlie, glaring at them with his one good eye. "How's it goin' Miller?" He nodded toward Party Naked. "I know who you are Millie, but who's this dolt?"
Miller stepped forward. "He watch who you call a horse!" He jerked his head at Italian Shoes. "Does he look like a horse to you?"
Shoes turned to scowl at Miller. "He said dolt you idiot, not colt!"
"Miller looked startled. "Oh. I knew that."
"Uh-huh," said Shoes. "Whatever." He turned back to Charlie. "Names Momo. I got a message from Mr. Melbios."
Miller chimed in, "Yeah so listen up!"
Slightly agitated, Momo continued, "He says pay up the money or he'll have you eliminated."
"Yeah," said Miller. "That means you're dead!"
A vein twitched in Momo's temple, but he went on anyway, "and he says that it better be the whole twelve million you laundered."
"That mean steal--" Momo whirled around pointing the gun at Miller.
"IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP, I'LL KILL YOU MYSELF!" Momo was positively livid and his face was turning purple. Amy snorted. Momo, noticing her for the first time, turned slowly, trying and failing to force calm on to his face. "And who," he said, pointing the gun at her "the HECK are you?" Amy began to shake.
***
She had not meant to snort, it just kind of, well, came out. She was scared of the two bozos that had come barging in. With names like 'Momo' and 'Marble-Eye Martin' she figured they must be from the mafia. All the mafia movies she had ever seen had a 'Momo' in it. She had never seriously thought that any parent would ever name their child that. She had only snorted because she always found it funny when people lost their cool. Obviously, this was just one of those times when it was totally inappropriate to snort.
***
"I said who in coke's name are you?"
"Hey now." It was Charlie speaking now. "Don't lose yer hair. Be polite to the lady."
"You!" Momo pointed to Charlie. "SHUT UP! Don't make stupid cracks about my hair!"
"But boss," said Miller, "you ain't got no hair."
Bam. Momo punched Miller with the hand not holding the gun. He fell backwards into a stacked display of brussel sprouts, the only thing in the store ol' grandma would have approved of.
Momo turned back to Charlie, gun outstretched "Get up, and keep your hands where I can see 'em."
"Wow, You sound like a cop, Momers," said Charlie, as he got to his feet. "Momers" was sad in a way that suggested a mother cooing over her little darling. "Ooh, my precious babykins!"
Momo was in livid mode again. "You shut up too or I'll just kill you right now!" He turned back to help a grumbling Miller to his feet. "Quit yer whinin ya big sissy. I hit ya with my left fer coke's sake!"
"You won't kill me," said Charlie. Momo pressed the barrel of his gun against Charlie's head.
"And why not?" asked Momo, his voice icy cold. "Why freaking not?"
"Because ya can't," said Charlie. He didn't even flinch at the sight of the gun.
"Yer not allowed to. Yer boss hasn't got what he wants out me yet. And besides, he probably told you to keep me alive so that he could kill me." Charlie stared, smirking and Momo.
"Hey,"said Miller. "He did say that! He said that if-" Without looking, Momo punched Miller squarely in the nose.
***
Amy wondered for a few moments whether she should try to run for it. But then she realized that her car still didn't work. She could try to run, but what good would it do. There probably wasn't any other civilization for miles around. And if Momo and Miller chased her, there was no way she could outrun them.
***
"Time 'em up with this tape Miller." Momo handed him some duct tape from aisle 13.
"Who am I supposed to tied up?" asked Miller. Momo rolled his eyes. "Me you idiot, who do you think?"
Miller ripped off some tape and headed towards Momo. "Hey stop it you dummy," yelled Momo. "I was bin' sarcastic! Tie them up." He jerked his head toward Amy and Charlie. This was too much for Miller. He had tried to do what he was told, and then punished by having to figure out a word like "sar-cas-tic". He bet that that word had more letters than he had fingers. But he didn't stop to try and count them.
He clumsily tied up Charlie and Amy. Once he tried to look up Amy's skirt, but Momo whacked him upside the head with the gun. "Ouch," said Miller and went back to taping.
When Miller was done he led the kidnaped outside. "Miller," said Momo in a voice that indicated he might blow up any second. Did you steal an extra car like I told you to three days ago?"
Miller, relieved that he had finally done something right said, "Yeah boss. I stashed around in the back." They all trudged around the dumpster on the side of AmPm and Miller's choice of vehicle came into view.
"A MINI-VAN?" roared Momo, his face turning violet yet again. Miller noticed that Momo seemed to be very good at changing the color of his skin. Since his suit was purple too, maybe he could change his skin to match his clothes. Miller was glad this never happened to him. He knew he would look very strange with "Party Naked : Class of '86" written on his forhead in neon orange letters.
"Why in coke's name did you have to steal a Mini-van?" Momo's screaming question cut right through Miller's very strained thoughts.
"I dunno," said Miller, wondering what was wrong with a mini-van. "I guess cause it had extra pull out cup holders."
"You are undoubtably the most idiotic, moronic, stupid, imbicle ever!" Screamed Momo. Wow, thought Miller, I wonder if that's a compliment. It all just made his head hurt.
***
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