Penelope

Should he wear them tonight? Dan fondled the deer skin mukluks. When their love was in the beginning stages, she'd made them for him. She'd knelt at his feet, her black hair falling forward, as she traced his footprint onto the hide with red chalk. After the pattern was cut and fitted she'd kept them hidden only sewing them when he was away working on the oil rigs. On a chilly morning, five weeks later, he awoke to find them placed beside his pillow. She had quietly gotten up to start the wood stove. She moved like a ghost at times. The beadwork design on the mukluks was his totem the Raven. In red, black and white beads. He'd come to her land, from the Charlottes, looking for work. When he got the job on the rigs he'd gone to the bar to celebrate. He'd first seen her there, on a Saturday night, almost a year ago.

Dan sighed deeply, remembering her. She'd been with her sister Rose that night. He'd watched her all evening hoping for a glance from her. She was too busy keeping an eye on her younger sister. It was Rose's twenty-first birthday and the guys were buying her drinks. Two men got into a tussle over who would dance with Rose when the jukebox played Pretty Woman. She'd taken her sister by the hand and hustled her out the side door. When he followed them out into the parking lot, Dan only caught a glimpse of her getting into the blue Ford Mustang. A week later, Dan saw the Mustang parked at the hardware store. He went in and made a pretense of buying some pliers. She was with a young boy who was looking at some fishing lures. He smiled at her over the aisle when she looked up. Her quiet eyes appraised him as a stranger. Summoning up his courage, Dan asked her where the fishing was good. The boy spoke up and said the best fishing was at Toad River ten miles up the highway. The boy turned to her and asked her if he could have two of the wedding ring lures. He called her mom. Dan was surprised because the boy looked to be ten years old at least. She looked about twenty five. She nodded to the boy and gave him a five dollar bill. Dan smiled again. She eyed him suspiciously and turned to follow the boy to the cashier counter. Dan followed but with nothing to buy, he was forced to leave the store or look like a fool. He felt like a fool. His heart was pounding and his mouth was dry. He'd never before come across a woman who made him feel like this. All the girls in his village were friends. He'd grown up with them and knew their families. The women he had met on the road had been casual acquaintances looking for a good time and a free beer. Dan hung around outside the store giving the blue Mustang the once over. She came out. He asked her if he could buy her a coffee and the boy an ice cream. The boy grinned with delight while she gave Dan a look of dismay. He tried his damnedest to look friendly and harmless. The boy said yes and took his mother by the arm while telling Dan that the cafe on the corner had the best strawberry ice cream. She allowed her son to pull her by the arm towards the cafe with Dan walking beside them. He introduced himself and she smiled. Oh, such a smile! Her face and eyes radiated joy when she smiled. Dan fell in love with her at that moment. Her son introduced them both. Isaak and Marie. While in the cafe, Isaak gave Dan their life story while his mother sat quietly.

For the next month, there were fishing trips and a couple of Chinese dinners. Dan didn't ask her to go to the bar because he didn't want her to believe he drank a lot. They'd have a couple of beers while fishing. She would accept his invitations but didn't suggest any outings. Dan ached to touch her. He'd admire her breasts and hips while keeping his distance. Alone at night, he dreamt about them making love. While working, he would catch himself lost in the memory of her fragrance. She smelled like sweet grass smoke. Dan was getting desperate. One of the boys at work talked of the dance coming up. He asked Marie to come to the dance. She smiled and agreed.

By then, Dan knew Isaak was twelve and Marie was thirty two. She was twelve years older than he. When Rose was with them she would flirt with Dan but he kept it friendly. Rose was outgoing and boisterous while Marie was a quiet venus. His goddess he hoped. Marie had been married yet no one spoke about her husband. Dan didn’t care. Nothing in Marie’s past mattered to him. She was the one for him. Forever. He knew that from the moment she smiled.

The night of the dance, Dan spent a long time trying to choose which shirt to wear. He finally chose the green and blue plaid with snap button closures. Examining himself in the mirror he gave his hair a final comb and headed out. He’d been teased by the guys at camp about getting lucky tonight. He hoped and prayed their teasing would be a reality. Up until now, having sex seemed to be a given with the girls he had been with. Dan knew he would wait until Marie agreed. He’d been so careful with her. He wanted all of her. He craved her secret sighs in the depth of the night. As he drove he dreamed about holding her close on the dance floor. Filling himself up with her scent. Swaying slowly against her body.

Marie met him at the door. She was wearing a fringed buckskin dress with beads sewn in a geometric design across the yoke. On her feet were moccasins which matched her dress. She had an engraved silver bangle on her wrist and a simple amber pendant. Porcupine quill earrings peeked out from her flowing and fragrant hair. Dan drank her in. She smiled. He felt his knees grow weak as he reached out to touch her cheek. She leaned towards him with a warmth that flowed freely. He embraced her softly and lightly kissed her cheek. The evening was ambrosia. They sat alone together at the dance with only a few of her friends intruding briefly. On the dance floor, Marie’s body closed in on his in subtle rhythms which had Dan losing touch with reality. The evening passed in a flicker of time. Driving Marie home, Dan wondered about Isaak. He inquired to be told that Isaak was away for the night. He glanced at Marie and she smiled again. She’s going to let me come in. She’s going to say yes tonight. Dan felt the flush of desire creep up his body.

Arriving at her house proved awkward until she leaned over and took the keys out of the ignition. She grasped them in her hand and then opened her fingers. Holding them out to Dan as if to let him make the decision. Dan got out of the truck and walked around to the passenger door. She opened it and as she began to step out Dan leaned over and picked her up. He carried her to the door and she laughed with delight. Marie opened the door and told him to let her down. He gently did so. She kissed him and took his hand guiding him to her bedroom. The room was softly lit by a bedside lamp. On the wall above the head of the bed there was a dreamcatcher. The bed was covered with brightly coloured blankets. There was a bearskin rug on the floor by the bed. Feather pillows were covered with crisp white slips. Marie pulled the blankets back to reveal matching white sheets. She sat on the bed running her hands over the sheets while smiling at him. Dan joined her. Sitting on the bed together, they began exploring each other with their hands and mouths. Their clothes slowly congregated in an entwined pile on the bearskin. She had no modesty and allowed Dan the luxury of seeing her nude. He was overcome with the intimacy. He was home.

In the months that followed, the time they spent together was blissful. Isaak accepted Dan happily into his life. Marie smiled more often and laughter filled their days. Dan would spend all of his time off with them. He would make the fifty mile drive in from the oil patch three times a week. He bought them small gifts. She brought him joy and endless pleasures.

On the Thanksgiving weekend, Dan made the trip into town happily thinking of three days with them. They had made plans to go on a trip up to Watson Lake. He arrived to find a strange car parked outside their place. The blue Mustang was gone. The door was ajar. Dan called out to her. No answer. He slowly entered. The house was empty. Marie’s buckskin dress was ripped and lying on the floor. Dan went to her bedroom. The dreamcatcher web was torn and the wooden ring was broken. Numbly, Dan bent over and picked it up. He searched the sinews for an answer. He checked her closet and her clothes were gone. He went to Isaaks room and his belongings were gone too. Dan felt a rising panic. He went back out into the yard and looked in the windows of the car parked there. Nothing. Dan hurried back to his truck and raced over to Rose’s place. When he arrived he found the blue Mustang parked there. Dan felt a flood of relief. He went to the door, knocked and Rose slowly opened the door. Her face crumpled when she saw him. She began to wail. Dan’s heart broke. Rose was grieving and her face was bloody with tracks of fingernail scratches. Through her keening sobs she told Dan that Marie’s husband had come back. He’d been released from jail and came into town two days ago. When he showed up at Marie’s she wouldn't allow him into the house. That evening he'd found out about them, got drunk and went back in a rage. After ransacking the house he'd taken Marie and Isaak out into the bush at gunpoint and shot them both.

Dan got through Christmas and New Years. He’d gone home for the holidays but came back to his job. Sitting there that Saturday night he knew nothing would ever be the same again. Gently, he folded up the mukluks and laid them on the bunkhouse cot. He pulled on his parka and went out for a drive. Traveling along the road, by the Toad River, he came to their fishing spot. As he got out of the truck he felt the cold seep up through his socks. He’d made up his mind. Wedging a block of wood on the accelerator pedal, he put the truck into gear and quickly let go. The truck sped off down the road and out of sight. He began to walk in the drifts beside the road. Icy fingers came burning up his calves and into his thighs. He lay down in the snow and spread his arms and legs apart. Bring me home to you Dan called out. I’m coming to you Marie.

__________________
"Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do." Ronald Reagan ~ 1981

Poetry Editor @ Sacred Twilight

Kittie

This is lovely. As I was reading, my gut asked certain questions that are outlined below. The writing is quiet and unobtrusive, and I enjoyed reading it. The relationship between Marie and Dan wasn’t always as clear as I might have liked though. Marie seemed to have some bipolar tendencies… she seemed to keep changing her mind. She went from quiet and introspective to laughing and playful. This is not an impossible idea, though. I just wanted to know a little bit more about how she came out of her shell. It seemed to be Dan’s fantasies and hidden caring… then they were sleeping together. Marie may very well have done this, but I’m not certain as to how she got to that point. And I’d like to know!

Below are my gut reactions and questions I had as I was reading the story…

Two men got into a tussle over who would dance with Rose when the jukebox played Pretty Woman. She'd taken her sister by the hand and hustled her out the side door.
Is she overprotective of her sister or were the guys really sleazy??

He tried his damnedest to look friendly and harmless.
Is this nonchalance or nervousness? I’m still not sure why he’s attracted to her. Another highway gal? Or something else catches him? What catches him?

Oh, such a smile! Her face and eyes radiated joy when she smiled. Dan fell in love with her at that moment. Her son introduced them both. Isaak and Marie. While in the cafe, Isaak gave Dan their life story while his mother sat quietly.
If she’s so joyful, why the hesitance? Why the caution that comes with a bad life?

By then, Dan knew Isaak was twelve and Marie was thirty two.
In two years, their relationship hasn’t changed much (Dan and Marie’s)… I’m wondering why. They seem to have hardly developed any rapport.

The night of the dance, Dan spent a long time trying to choose which shirt to wear. He finally chose the green and blue plaid with snap button closures. Examining himself in the mirror he gave his hair a final comb and headed out. He’d been teased by the guys at camp about getting lucky tonight. He hoped and prayed their teasing would be a reality. Up until now, having sex seemed to be a given with the girls he had been with. Dan knew he would wait until Marie agreed. He’d been so careful with her. He wanted all of her. He craved her secret sighs in the depth of the night. As he drove he dreamed about holding her close on the dance floor. Filling himself up with her scent. Swaying slowly against her body.
This is a strong description. However, I’m getting a sense that Dan is rather obsessive… almost creepy! That’s just me though.

She’s going to say yes tonight.
He’s asked or tried in the past? I thought it had all been a lot of dreaming and fantasy.

__________________
Been saved again by the garbage truck
I got something to say, you know, but nothing comes
Yes, I know what you think of me... you never shut up...

Penelope

Two years? At the beginning of the story it states just under one year. Did I screw up somewhere?

As I wrote this story, I did a loose time line. Rose's birthday in March - an idyllic summer - and then the Thanksgiving weekend. October here in Canada. Then Christmas and New Years at home in the Charlottes with him returning to his heartbreak.

This was one story of three. I began with The Frozen Corpse and it was suggested I 'flesh' out the story by writing another about why the corpse ended up where it did. Then someone asked me to write about Marie and I chose Rose instead. These three stories are my only attempts at fiction. My life has been so varied and 'interesting' that I tend to stick to vignettes about my bouts with reality bites.
Thanks for your observations. I had given up hope that anyone would comment on it. You have given me some valuable pointers.

__________________
"Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do." Ronald Reagan ~ 1981

Poetry Editor @ Sacred Twilight

Kittie

I got two years from the son's age... 'looked to be 10'... and then 'he was 12.'

Sometimes I put people off with the way I critique. Hopefully, you were not! Again, most of the comments under the italics were 'gut-reactions' I got as a reader. I do look forward to reading more of what you've written (though not tonight... I'm pretty tired).

__________________
Been saved again by the garbage truck
I got something to say, you know, but nothing comes
Yes, I know what you think of me... you never shut up...

Penelope

ah .. I see about the age. Children, to me, never are the age I expect them to be. Some look older or younger. I expect men know less about this than I do.
Your comments didn't bother me at all. How a reader interprets is interesting. As I don't normally write fiction, I've no idea how they are viewed. I plan on entering a prose write off just to expand my horizons. If I can write poems on subjects I know very little about and have them come off okay, why not prose?

Thanks again

__________________
"Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do." Ronald Reagan ~ 1981

Poetry Editor @ Sacred Twilight

amie

Hi Penelope...
I don't have too many comments because I breezed through your story pretty quickly, but what I saw I liked. I have to say, I did catch that Dan _perceived_ Marie and her son's ages and not that 2 years had passed since he met her....another reader's persepctive.

A little tip that may help you answer a few of the character questions that Kittie had...Try some dialogue between the two characters (even just minimal lines). What Marie says in a few words can given insight into her character that three paragraphs of description could never establish.

All in all, I really like your style. For being your first few attempts at prose, the two stories I've read have been excellent.

Good show...
amie

__________________
"The writer who loses his self-doubt, who gives way as he grows old to a sudden euphoria, to prolixity, should stop writing immediately: the time has come for him to lay aside his pen." - Colette