Alex - Writers Forum

Kitten Courna · 07-03-2003, 10:06 PM

I'm only posting this here because when I posted it on Lit.org my comment box became the O.K. Corral for a minor scuffle. While I bow to the points brought up there, it was -extremely- peeving nonetheless. Here, I hope to get some extra comments, since I amd putting a lot of work into this. I have plans to extend it, and I am going for the same depth and exploration of symbolism etc, as Siddhartha, which, if you haven't read, you should read.

Alex:

In a small, broken apartment building by a cement sided ditch filled with refuse and stale, cold water, a mother named Ann gave birth to a small baby boy on the condemned wooden floorboards. He was screaming, wet, and healthy, and his mother sighed, laying down once her labor was done. She had already planned to abandon the boy in the same manner his father had been abandoned as a child.

His father was not present. The man holding the baby, fresh from his mother’s struggles was one of his mother’s old friends and former lovers. He was scratchy looking, unshaven and poorly dressed, but clean. He marveled at the little screaming boy as he held him and planned one day to be responsible for such a happy creation, and be there in the hospital with his video camera and new shirt. He didn’t know that he was already responsible for one such creation in much less happy circumstances.

The third person in the room was another woman named Hilde. She had slunk to the door and stood, wanting a cigarette, with one arm crossed over her stomach and the other resting on it as if to hold the burning thing to her lips. She had watched with a lack of envy and a lack of marvel, not begrudging the mother her place, but as she watched the man she felt the itch of fascination and care, but quickly turned away, apathetic once again, and stared out the door in her job as watch out for the police.

The man’s name was Adam, and he eagerly held the baby out for his mother’s arms, babbling of wonderful things more quickly than the ditch water river outside babbled along its cement shores, but the boy’s mother reached up and cut her own umbilical cord before falling back again. The baby cried heartily. He was lucky to be born healthy, and not undersized, and not premature.

He was christened Alexander Perlman Lamb in a small church nonetheless rich in the neighborhood that refused to take unwanted children but always made sure they had names and were baptized. They were upset when Ann did not allow them to confirm him as well.

Alexander spent three years under his mother’s care before she left him for another man. Adam was sad at parting with the child, but had already moved into his new prosperous life when Alex was two. Hilde stayed with the mother, caring for the baby and eventually the toddler when his mother lost patience.

Alex has never been able to refuse a woman with a cigarette in her mouth and dark hair.

She disappeared just before his mother did.

Alex stood alone on the street corner until when night fell he wandered into the alley and slept. When he awoke, he was eight, the lieutenant of a street gang of small orphans that stole to eat and to pay those that protected them from time to time. When he awoke the next day he was twelve, far away from his alley, head of his own gang, and providing food for a six person family of children all younger than himself. He slept again and awoke to being fifteen, and alone again, fast, lean, and smart. He awoke the next day to seventeen, a sky free of clouds and a road free of cars, in front of his own alley, and wondering at what he remembered.

Kujo · 07-04-2003, 07:04 AM

very nice story...imagery is quite good. but i have a question about the church. why didn't ann let them christen her baby? wouldn't all parents want that for their child?

rcallaci · 07-04-2003, 09:08 AM

I'f the intro is any indication of what's to come ahead, then you got a winner. Simply put, Brillent.
I love what you'v e done in this reworking of the life of Buddha. You aim high by using Herman Hesse's "Siddharhta", one of the great literary works of the 20th century, as a template for your piece. But I believe that your well up to the challange, your use of symbolism and tone captures the spirit and flavor of the opening of hesse's work. I love how you turned around the settings of his birth, from siddharthas opulent upbringing to that of Alex's . Outstanding! You are one hell of a fine writer, my lady cat , now get back to work and finish that story.

Warmest Regards,
Bob

P.S. You are not harsh in your critisisms , I find them truthful, to the point, and extremley helpful and enjoyable. Don't Change.

Kitten Courna · 07-04-2003, 01:02 PM

Thank you, guys, for helpful comments.

Kujo: Thank you for your comment, I worked pretty hard on the imagery to get it just right. Take Ann's commitment to the church as a sign of her commiment to her child. I'm sure you'll understand better if you think about her character.

rcallaci: thanks for your kind words. I tried very hard to get the same depth as Hesse, knowing the limitations of myself versus his. I'm glad that you liked my change of setting and circumstance too. Hopefully, this will come out to be something of a parallel, and something that can be equally as readable, but I do aim to change the way things are taught and experienced, and, of course, what is learned. Your support means a lot to me.

Hopefully, this will finish, but like Hesse, I fully intend to take my time to make each part important. *blush* so it could be a matter of years.

-Kitten

P.S.: sometimes they are too harsh, it's frequently difficult to remember that each and every person has a different aim for a story or poem and a different response to criticism. thank you, though.

Kujo · 07-04-2003, 08:53 PM

ooooooh i gotcha...she's a bad parent. it all makes sense now!