Thread: The Writer

SevenWriteZ - My worry with untagged dialogue is whether the reader will be able to keep track of who is talking. At the same time a sparing use of tags looks and reads better for me. Thank you for letting me know I succeeded with the characters.

The addition of the slant-face lines (I refuse to use the term 'Italic' because it's not, really) is intended to bring the story full circle. The writer starts building something out of the conversation he's just had. Plus it adds a bit of metafiction feel.

Unseen - I appreciate your comment. There are a few more of my stories around here somewhere, gathering dust in the corners.

This is absolutely outstanding, honestly. I think it's fantastic. It's mentioned you were worried about the untagged dialogue - and it IS difficult. Long dialogue is hard, and so frequently avoided by a lot of otherwise very good authors. Include too many names and it's either a script or something a Valley Girl would know off by heart, include too few you run the risk of confusing everyone. I have a project running at the minute that involves a lot of extended untagged dialogue - for the purpose of it, there are only two characters who have spoken in the first vignette, much as is in your vignette. It's fine to me because when you establish a speech order, everyone knows who's talking next. The only problem is if one character responds with only a physical gesture, and the other resumes speaking, then you have to requalify. Otherwise, I find blank dialogue totally clear.

I find I've began to assume comedy stand-up routines. One character is the showman and the other is the straight man. My characters are a big dominican dope-peddler and a small Haitian junkie, and he's big in personality and he's small in personality. It's like Abbot and Costello meets Penn and Teller. You've got a similar approach, I note, yours is a very old comedy archetype. I don't know what the name for it would be but it's that 'parent and child' or 'con-man and wise-guy', I dunno. Maybe after this they'll call it 'writer and agent.' You had me laughing at some parts, it was really great.

'I don't have a tie.'

'I'll buy you a tie'

'I don't want a tie.'

'You can't go to the party without a tie.'

'Then I won't go to the party.'


Man that just made me laugh. I love the dynamic between them, and it builds up and it's consistent. You've got the characterisation straight down from the very start, I'm already in love with BOTH characters. The fact that it's dialogue until the very end doesn't deter from the story itself, and the story is just great. A writer who's happy where he is, and an agent who wants to hound money off him. I'm sensing 1950s, black-and-white pictures, newspapers. Such is your background, in fact, right? You can really tell you know what you're talking about, like you've seen all the characters that are lying around the scene; you commit them to paper with expert talent.

My favourite parts are the introduction of the cabby, the 'I know how it works, and this is how it works...' routine, the bite and cynicism in that, and how the agent just repeats 'Will you let me get you a jacket and tie?'. I mean, it's real New York. Also, my mentor is a writer who doesn't own a jacket or tie, so I got a real kick out of that. If he had an agent this is what would happen.

At the end, the bit in what you want to call slant-face, actually really hit me, because when I reflected on those first few lines, knowing the set-up, the scenery, the plot behind it, the characters, the corner of time and what was going on, and I read again, ''I don't have a tie', said the writer. 'I'll buy you a tie', said the agent.' - man I said out loud, 'Oh my god, this is poetry!'

I really can't fault it, I really can't fault it all. Go and publish it, or something. Don't put a tie on it.​

Originally Posted by garza

My worry with untagged dialogue is whether the reader will be able to keep track of who is talking.

This definitely wasn't the case here. I think you could keep a dialogue up like this for however long you'd like, as long as the characters are this distinctive then they don't need tags. I was recently rereading a 20 page section of David Foster Wallace's The Pale King where there was four or five characters in dialogue. It was all untagged, with no narration, yet as long as I paid attention I knew who was talking.

I loved the meta-fiction ending. Sometimes that can seem like just a trick, but here it was actually saying something about being a writer. You never know what we will use.

KarKingJack - 1950s, black-and-white pictures, newspapers, you nailed it. My first newspaper article, complete with photo made with Speed Graphic, was published in 1954. That led eventually to confrontations with New York editors and agents as well as south-east Asian jungles and Salvadoran guerrillas. I've managed to survive them all. And yes, in my travels, I figured out a lot about how the world works. The amazing part is that no matter how radically different the cultures are, the characters you meet are all much the same. Take that agent and put him in the uniform of a U-S Ah-mee desk driver and you won't know the difference.

Thank you so much for your comments. When someone understands fully what I'm trying to do, that means a lot.

My maternal grandfather was Irish. He was born and lived his first 17 years in Belfast, then met a girl from 'across the road' and they both were disowned. He became an atheist, she became a Catholic, and they both lived happily into old age. He was the primary influence in my life for my first ten years.


SR Steed - Dialogue is what I seem to do best, I've discovered. I've only been trying fiction for a relatively short time after a lifetime of writing non-fiction in a successful effort to avoid getting a job. Thank you for your comments.

Faulkner, wonderful way to begin a sentence. I was blessed to read his great works before the early ones and was still equally impressed by the evident growth. In some things the man is a classic standard.

Garza, I have perused previous post for some time. I always enjoy the insight.

To this post, easily understandable and made me enjoy a second of my time like a quick sip of an exceptionally strong well blended cup of coffee. Appreciate the wake up.

I really enjoyed this. I agree with previous comments that it did seem quite as though the second voice was female, I'm not sure at what point that changed but it didn't seem to jar and I don't think changing the gender would help matters.

Personally, I don't think this needs any changes. "Bless you" is a peculiarity but adds something.

It's perfectly encapsulated and delightfully circular.

Bailey and KatyBlue - Can't help but notice you are both newcomers. Welcome to Writing Forums. And thank you so much for your kind comments.

Faulkner's progression as a writer is there for all to see and it gives us all hope.

You make me want to stop writing. To know that I couldn't do something like this, it's disheartening. Then again, it also makes me want to put even more effort into thinking up ideas. Damn you and the conflicting emotions you've stirred. Expect to hear from me no more, not until I sort out this inner turmoil you've inspired.

I have several ties and only use one at my age, the black one, for funerals - You can borrow any of the others...

GoatBrain - Here's how it's done. Start when you're a kid writing for a local newspaper whose editor yells 'just tell the story' every time you show signs of developing a 'style'. Keep an old pair of your trousers with his footprint on the seat hung up in the room where you write as a reminder. That's all there is to it.

Bloggs - Thanks, but I think I'll go on my tieless way. As for funerals, I figure it this way. My friends have never seen me wear a tie while they were alive, so...

You use your dialogue well in the beginning, so as to avoid boring the reader. The conflict you use is well suited to display the temperament and natue of your characters. I will say that the brevity of the piece limits character development, though for what it is, the writing performs admirably. I suspect that a more traditional style of including description and narrative could do nothing but enhance the flavor of the story, which I greatly encourage you to do.

You also use details remarkably well.

Thanks for your kind commentsGaseimasha. I'll let this piece stand as it is, though I am working on developing my ability to write the kind of description and narrative required for fiction. My narratives tend to sound like rewrites from a police situation report.

I found the dialogue to be very convincing. When your whole piece is almost nothing but dialogue, that's important.

Jamie - As a reporter I've spent years listening to people talk. In learning to write fiction I've discovered there are many techniques of non-fiction which are valuable in fiction as well. Accurately reconstructing a speech from notes is good practice for creating a conversation from scratch. While this exact conversation never too place, it is similar to many I've had. What I wanted to do with the piece was create two different characters only by having them speak. When you say you found the dialogue in 'The Writer' to be convincing, you tell me that I have achieved what I set out to do, and I appreciate your comment very much.

It works; 'nuff said.