Thread: Zombie Apocalypse - Commentary on Literacy and Intellectual Dilution

It was all over the news – like an epidemic the word had spread, plaguing the world’s swiftly beating hearts and troubled minds with a horror that, until this day, had remained unbeknownst to mankind. An apocalypse, the newscaster stuttered, driven by intellectual dilution and downright stupidity, had dawned, and spurred with it a race of terrifying, mindless creatures, a species so primal they were rendered speechless, thoughtless, and consumed with a hunger for conformity. These creatures, screeched the newscaster, were none other than the monstrous beasts known as flesh-eating, mind-gobbling zombies.

Of course, as a life-long student, I had prepared myself already with the necessary tools to overcome this contagion: a plethora of literature from my personal library. My collection, once read aloud, and which acted as a sort of kryptonite against gluttonous zombies, instantly led to the decay of whatever brain matter the zombie had managed to maintain.

One day as I sat reading – one has to stay knowledgeable in these unenlightened times, you know – a thin layer of smoke began to permeate the room. I ran to the window, keeping my book close at hand, and peered into the outer world.

The gut-guzzlers had constructed a bonfire, and in it, I saw a thousand wounded soldiers – the books we intellects had tried so adamantly to use against them – turn to ash.

Too, many, commas.

I would try breaking up some of the longer sentences into separate sentences. You have a great vocabulary and it makes your story a pleasure for me to read. The ending is very, very good.

A good read. Try to shorten some of the larger run on sentences with all the comas by just breaking them into shorter sentences.

Interesting concept, playing on the cliche of the zombie apocalypse as just a storm of idiots (which, I think one could easily argue, we have today). I'll credit your vocabulary, and I didn't really mind the sentence structure; the only thing which struck me as not-spot-on here was the length.

Make it longer. There's too much to enjoy here to wrap it up so quickly.

It's actually an admissions essay, believe it or not, so the length is limited to 500 words. I've added more, but it's not quite complete.

Edit: This is the final copy.

It was all over the news. Like an epidemic the word had spread, plaguing the world’s swiftly beating hearts and troubled minds with a horror that, until this day, had remained unbeknownst to mankind. An apocalypse, as I had read over morning coffee (Oh sweet nectar of life!), driven by intellectual dilution and downright stupidity, had dawned, and spurred with it a race of terrifying and mindless creatures; a species so primal they were rendered speechless, thoughtless, and consumed with a hunger for conformity. These creatures were none other than the monstrous beasts known as flesh-eating, mind-gobbling zombies.

Of course, as a life-long student, I had prepared myself already with the necessary tools to overcome this contagion: a wealth of literature from my personal library. My collection, once read aloud, and which acted as a form of kryptonite against gluttonous zombies, instantly led to the decay of Ignoratia: the foul virus that had consumed so many.

One day as I sat reading – one has to stay knowledgeable in these unenlightened times, you know – a thin layer of smoke began to permeate the room. I ran to the window, keeping my book close at hand, and peered into the outer world.

The gut-guzzlers had constructed a bonfire, and in it, I saw a thousand wounded soldiers – the books we intellects had tried so adamantly to use against them – turn to ash. If knowledge was rendered useless, what then could be used against the ever-ominous threat of ignorance?

Then, an idea suddenly struck me. Of course! How could I have forgotten? It seemed the only obvious solution.
I ran to my favorite totem (a human skull I liked to call Yorick) and lifted open the latched compartment in his head. Inside was a button, which I pushed, and which activated a series of locks and bolts behind a particular bookcase. The bookcase edged slowly open, revealing a glass case, a glowing spotlight, and all the fan fair deserved by the English language’s most sacred text: Shakespeare’s First Folio.

I snatched the text from its crystal cradle, ran to the window, cast it open in my frenzied euphoria and shouted, “Stop!”

The zombies turned their attention away from the dazzling fire, grunting like cavemen and slobbering like dogs. For a moment, they stared blindly at the open window. Then, with a bray from the vilest of the lot, they hurtled toward me.

“And seeing ignorance is the curse of God, knowledge the wing wherewith we fly to heaven, unless you be possess'd with devilish spirits, you cannot but forbear to murder me!”

The zombies halted, enchanted with the power of prose. Then, they began to transform; their eyes widened, their backs straightened, their arms drooped.

The wounds of Ignoratia had healed.

I enjoyed this very much. An excellent twist on the zombie tale!

Really enjoyed this piece, the Zombie metaphor really appealed to me. The last sentence was really quite a powerful image.

As some others have said, perhaps a few too many commas here and there but I'd say that that's arguable. You could try rearranging some of the longer sentences or employing extra connectives or the odd semicolon, but eh, that's digging deep. That's just my personal taste.

Great work, I'd love to see something longer from you.

This is a very interesting concept and view of our society today. At first you had me believing that this was actually about zombies, although your title said otherwise. My only change would be to remove the thoughts you have placed in the parenthesis, as i feel they take away from the story. Even though they do give us a more personal connection to the narrator.

I hope you get accepted into whatever college you apply.

Ah, a writer's work is never done. This is, however, going to be my final copy. I'm sending it in the mail tomorrow.

Thank you all for your critique, it's been most helpful.

It was all over the news. Like an epidemic the word had spread, plaguing the world’s swiftly beating hearts and troubled minds with a horror that, until this day, had remained unbeknownst to mankind. An apocalypse – as I had read over morning coffee (Oh sweet nectar of life!) – had dawned, driven by intellectual dilution and downright stupidity. There spurred with it a race of terrifying and mindless creatures; a species so primal they were rendered speechless, thoughtless, and consumed with a hunger for conformity. These creatures were none other than the monstrous beasts known as flesh-eating, mind-gobbling zombies.

Of course, as a life-long student, I had prepared myself already with the necessary tools to overcome this contagion: a wealth of literature from my personal library. My collection, once read aloud, and which acted as a form of kryptonite against gluttonous zombies, instantly led to the decay of Ignoratia: the foul virus that had consumed so many.

One day as I sat reading – one has to stay knowledgeable in these unenlightened times, you know – a thin layer of smoke began to permeate the room. I ran to the window, keeping my book nearby, and peered into the outer world.

The gut-guzzlers had constructed a bonfire, and in it, I saw a thousand wounded soldiers – the books we intellects had tried so adamantly to use against them – turn to ash. If knowledge was rendered useless, what then could be used against the ever-ominous threat of ignorance?

Then, an idea suddenly struck me. Of course! How could I have forgotten? It seemed to me the only obvious solution.

I ran to my favorite totem (a human skull I liked to call Yorick) and lifted open the latched compartment in his head. Inside was a button, which I pushed, and which activated a series of locks and bolts behind a bookcase. The bookcase edged open slowly, revealing a glass case, a glowing spotlight, and all the fanfare deserved by the English language’s most sacred text: Shakespeare’s First Folio.

I snatched the text from its crystal cradle, ran to the window, cast it open in my frenzied euphoria and shouted, “Stop!”

The zombies turned their attention away from the dazzling fire, grunting like cavemen and slobbering like dogs. For a moment, they stared blindly at the open window. Then, with a bray from the vilest of the lot, they hurtled toward me.

“And seeing ignorance is the curse of God,” I started, “knowledge the wing wherewith we fly to heaven, unless you be possess'd with devilish spirits, you cannot but forbear to murder me!”

The zombies halted, enchanted with the power of prose. A shudder coursed through each body as the knowledge, which acted as a vaccine, combated the virus. Then, they began to transform; their eyes widened, their backs straightened, their arms drooped.

The wounds of Ignoratia had healed.

Awesome, fantastic, clever! You did a great job! I absolutely loved the ending! So perfect. Please keep me posted. I would love to hear how it is received.

This is a great concept and i think it is executed brilliantly! I love the twist on the normal zombie idea and the social relevance that it has because, as we all know, most people these days do seem to be slightly moronic. I do agree somewhat with everyone else concerning the amount of commas used and I see that it could be a problem but I personally liked how it read.

love zombie stories.