Thread: Welcome to the Family (semi graphic in nature)

I'm sorry, did you really just say that I don't know what it's like to be you? Because your life is so hard, right? Ok so let me try to understand this for a second, everyday you get out of school and you don't want to go home. You're terrified to enter the door because you wonder what fresh hell awaits you once you enter. The sound of screams echo down the halls. Broken glass covers the floor. You hurry up to your room, hoping that no one notices you came home. You hear your mother's cries as you shut the door and lock it tight. Suddenly the cries stop. You hear the footsteps coming down the hall. You hide under your bed and pray to God to make it all go away. But God can't help you anymore. The door bursts open as you're dragged by your feet out into the hallway. You can smell the booze in your father's hot breath as he grabs you by the neck and throws you into the wall. You plead for him to stop as his fists pound into your skin. The hard packing sound blocks out everything else and all you know is pain, sheer unending pain. When it's finally all over, you hear the front door slam shut. You lay there in a pile of broken flesh and blood on the floor and you pass out from the pain. You wake up the next morning, go to school, and it all happens again. No? That doesn't happen to you? Well then you're right, I don't know what it's like to be you.

It's very well written overall, description is very nice, and emotion is conveyed well in your words. My only problem is a bit more technical, like how some of the sentances are phrased, punctuation could be used better in some places, etc. It's a bit depressing though, and makes my incredibly sad to read. Don't suppose you could do something a bit brighter?

Victormogul, I apologize for saying this, but are you looking for critique or a therapy session? I can relate to two things: The emotion of being abused by one's father, and the desire to write a good story. However...

Well, in any case, if you're looking for actual critique, please say so, so I can form the appropriate response. As it stands, my emotions are a little mixed between two emotions: Annoyance, and Pity. I do not wish to see you in either light, so please, tell me what your true intentions are.

(I apologize if this seems harsh.)