Thread: The Fae Chronicles: Father's Tale

A long time ago during the 4100s in Wales lived a man named John Tarish who lived with his loving wife and three childern two boys and a girl. John was one of the most prosperous people of his village there were rumors that it was because of Fae or faries now one day his children asked John to tell them a story "Alright i will tell you the time i met the fae" thus began their Father's tale.

It started one night when I was about sixteen or seventeen at the time and i was very curious so one night I set out on a walk through the forest but my mother warned me to be home by midnight cause that is the time the fae came out to frolic and dance and be merry , so I went on my way now this forest was beautiful beyond descritpion. I tarryed on in the forest until it was dark and i made my way home but all of a sudden i saw the most amazing thing these people suddenly appeared and started to dance one a woman who had emerald green hair and wore an arthurian gown saw me and said "please join us mortal and be merry" and so with out a second thought i began to dance with these people who looked so beautiful beyond any of us could be and i noticed that both the men and the women were very tall and regal.

Now of a sudden they stopped as one who looked like a king suddenly appeared, he wore a golden crown that rested on golden fine hair and his eyes were the brightest sliver, looked at me with a plesant look and said " you are welcomed here mortal, he said in a joval voice " my name is King Luran ruler of this fae court and let me introduce my only daughter princess Lunara." coming from behind him came the most beautiful lady I have ever saw she look elegant and serene her hair was a bright sliver with a little gold in it and it glowed under the moonlight and her skin was bright and white like porclein, her eyes also were sliver and she greeted me in a soft sweet voice " welcome mortal i am honored to meet you" . then Loran said "continue and be merry my fellow fae and you to mortal" now i was about to drink from a goblet when Princess Lunara stopped me " dont' mortal or you will belonge to us forever and i am fond of your kind and would see you live a long life with your kind, now i am breaking tradition by warning you so heed my words don't eat or drink anything offered to you." I heeded her words when i was offere a drink or food but my thirst soon got the better of me when i spied a sliver goblet unattended so I took it in my hands and drunk from then a laugh came from behind me, I turn and saw King Luran and he said "foolish mortal now you will be with us and you will be my daughters slave since it was her cup you drank from" but Lunara suddenly spoke up " Father may i offer the mortal a deal!" Luran said " you have your mothers compassion for mortals and i cant' say no to you so yes." Lunara came up to me " mortal I warned thee but I am merciful and will allow you to stay in the mortal world for a number of years, and during those years you and your family will be prosperus but once those years are up you will be collected an come live with us forever"and with that i blackout and came to and so here are i am happily married and a father and wealthy and thus ends my tale.

John told his children " now go to bed and rest a new day will come". John was down stairs cleanup when all of a sudden he was knock down and he looked up saw women in sappire blue armor holding their lances at him, one who looked like the leader said " Be quiet mortal your time has come if i had my way you would be dead" "Enough Vera he is a friend and will be treated with respect" came a voice very familear to John he look and saw Lunara who had not change a bit but a look of saddness was hidden behined her beauiful face John said "its been years hasn't it princess... " Vera bashed him on his head " show respect mortal she is Queen Lunara now! " Lunara said "stop Vera he didn't know" Then looked at John with her sliver eyes and said " lot has changed since we met last" John replied " is it time for me to go the fae realm" Lunara repiled Yes, and don't worry your family will be well cared for and now lets go"
John followed the Fae and was never seen again but this would not be the last time mortals would see the Fae ,who knows maybe you mortal reader could be the next to have an encounter with Lunara and the Fae and take your place in the Fae Chronicles.

hope you enjoyed the first of many stories about the Fae chronicles

and you will see more of Lunara and until then my fellow mortals.

This is probably the first entry on these forums that I have both enjoyed and disliked.

First of all there's the tone:

+ It lends itself to a "by the campfire" feeling which I enjoyed.

-It came out very bland at a few points.

The plot is a bit bi-polar and by that I mean:

+It was to the point, no 20 paragraph long description of any one thing, which is something I have a lot of trouble with.

- It didn't have much meat to it, in my opinion at least, which is acceptable if its simply one part of a story, but at the same time, you need to treat each part/chapter as if its the beginning and end of the story, which, to a degree, was accomplished here, its open ended and gives you room to maneuver. However, you didn't hit the mark and perhaps didn't give enough detail of some things, which some readers enjoy, I however, do not.

+ Word usage was good.

- Grammar and spelling were off in some places, proof read next time, it comes off as disrespectful to others.

- Formatting could be improved, I found my self- reading a line twice by accident because of t he blocks of text. Paragraphs are your friend.


It's a nice entry with a few nicks here and there that can be fixed relatively easily. Keep it up.

I'm new here, but I'll give this a go.

I enjoyed the concept of your story. Your story has solid bones; a good foundation. I also felt that the story had a "bedtime" feel, which was interesting as he received his comeuppance at the end. I wonder what happens next.

I do have trouble following you due to run on sentences, misspellings and other grammatical mishaps. But I can appreciate your ability to create an intriguing story.

I would suggest further developing your characters. I'd like to know who the Fae are? Why do they feel the need to enslave mortals? What motivates them? Where do they come from? Where do they reside? What will they lose if they don't enslave people? What will they gain?

Keep bringing on great stories. I really enjoyed this.

Thank you for your honest answers and don't worry the next stories of the Fae chronicles will be better and this was the intro story to that universe. I did not reveal to much about the Fae and their motives but we will findout in the future and the next story will be how Lunara became queen and what happened to her father Luran. I have alwayes loved fairy folklore and arthurian legend , I of course am also a big fantasy fan so this is a dream project i am juggling writing about vampires and fairies so again thank you and keep posting your responses and the feedback is always good

Think nothing of it, just be sure to return the favor to other users

To echo what I said, this is a good read, especially if you happen to have some hot cocoa at hand on a stormy night.

In the word's of Raging_Hopeful, this trade is a very hostile to one's ego, as writing isn't a science, people have different opinions on different things.