Thread: A blind date

This isn't exactly humourous, henceforth I'm posting it here. Enjoy reading! And do give me your comments, thanks!

A blind date

Andrew stood tall in front of a full body sized mirror while squinting meticulously at this reflection, leaving nothing unnoticed by a pair of piercing eyes. Heaving an irritated sigh, he discontentedly combed his hair and tried to hide his shiny bald patch -- it was a sign that he was getting older, hinting a suggestion that he was on the verge of his prime age.

Satisfied with his refreshing look, he gave a wicked smile as though every single woman in the world had fallen for him -- Of course. Who wouldn't fall for a charming cavalier, he silently noted in his smirk -- before being chauffeured to his destination.

Tonight, he would be dining alfresco with his future-wife-to-be, a young woman he had never met before. A well-known Cupid Agency, famous for countless cases of blind dates, had contacted him earlier in the morning that they had found a suitable candidate for him -- young, opulent and ravishingly elegant. For sure, he had looked forward to this day ever since the registration at the Cupid Agency Centre.

Thus, Andrew took a day's leave for the very first time in fifteen years from his work. He was ecstatic and had been jumping around in joy, relishing the thought of the rendezvous. However, that surge of elation soon turned into a wave of apprehension as knots of anxiety built up in him; as thoughts of fiasco overwhelmed him tremendously.

What if she did not fancy him at all? What if she realised that he looked quite different from the exaggerated description of him? What if she preferred a younger hunk more than a matured gentleman with a stable income? His discordant thoughts kept going round and round in his mind chaotically, and never for a moment, it had dawned upon him that she might have faked her description as well.

He had to do something to ensure that she would fall in love with him on the very first date as he believed in the wise old saying, "first impression often lasts". Hence, within such a short period of time, Andrew crafted out an ingenious plan: from hiring a chauffeur to drafting out possible scenarios with her, and also trying to make himself look youthful. Painstakingly, he replayed the entire act, again and again, in his mind; and with vivid imagination that he had never been able to visualise before. Such, no doubt, was the power of desire and love for her was a perfect bachelor, an untainted virgin willing to offer himself in exchange for an eternal bliss that he had been longing for.

Normally, time stretched interminably before him in the office but now, time flew by in a blink of an eye. Yet, the feeling of insecurity and dread had not diminished with time; and instead, built up foreboding uneasiness in his stomach, so much that he would vomit them out in fear. He was supposed to be delirious with joy, and not filled with trepidation, to meet the love of his life!

A sudden halt shook him from his panic-stricken mood as it reminded him that he had arrived. His facial expression conspicuously turned into a cheerful smile as though he was eager to meet her -- in a carefree, unworried and optimistic manner instead. Putting up a brave front, Andrew strode confidently behind a graceful waitress who was guiding him towards his prospect. At last, he looked like a charming prince who was about to meet his princess!

He was a bundle of nerves, his heart pounding furiously, but his careful masquerade belied the fact completely. Never for a moment, a sign of behaviour betrayed his uneasiness; everything had worked out perfectly so far. For a brief moment, he paused before a door to the private dining area, preparing himself for the next phase of his plan. Slowly, Andrew swung the door wide open and was flabbergasted by the appearance of his so-called partner -- he almost fainted on the spot.

She too had the same expression wearing on her face. Matured gentleman? He certainly doesn't look like one! Andrew, still rooted in his spot, could only stare in wonder and disbelief with his mouth agape as she left the room; he felt powerless before this beauty. And he could only blame himself for his unsightly entrance -- that's what he thought was the only flaw and never in his mind, he realized that if he had stayed true to himself, he would already have sealed the deal that night.

Still, Andrew was not a man who gave up easily; after all, he had been desperately trying to look for his happiness for the past fifteen years!

I'm really left wanting more What happened next? Or is that left to the reader's imagination?

Koxeida--
I feel like this story is on a path to being really good satire, but some things get in the way...
I agree with Atys, the ending is dissatisfying--you know what the catch is--we don't! We're waiting for you to tell us--is it his ex, or is she hideous or breathtaking--in anycase it would only be funny by the way you told it, not the way we conjecture, unless for instance he died of a heart-attack, in which case maybe it wouldn't matter who was behind that door...
Also, in style, your story plays on over-writing--and in pieces it works, and it pieces it doesn't--so maybe if you choose where or how to over-write more carefully it would do what it should...
however, the idea of the story is great. I'd love to see it reworked, if that's not too obnoxious!
Cheers,
Roughin

I was focusing more on the character's emotions and thoughts more so than the ending because the ending can only be that either his dream came true, or that his dream was shattered, so much so that he didn't wanna get married anymore. And there's no merit to choosing either of that, so I just leave the ending up to the reader. Hahaha, is it a taboo to do so in a short story? This kind of cliff-hanger.

Hi Koxeida,
I don't think there are any taboos, it just depends if it works or not and someone else may disagree with me...
I do think though if you feel your ending is locked into an either/or scenario, your reader will too. This may be the key to what leaves me wanting more to the ending; I want you to get me past this choice, and the character's emotions in this moment may be as important as his feelings leading up to it... whoever is there... again, I really liked your use of satire and the subject so however you end it (and whether you say anything about the woman or not) I want your perception of how he sees her to satisfy this build-up... just an opinion!!
Cheers,
Roughin

Alright, I edited the ending. I think it's a more suitable ending to this "first date"! Hahaha

Thanks for the comment, Roughin!

I'm not sure I understand the ending now; I re-read it a couple of times, and I'm tired and ill, but I'm not getting it. She leaves because he's dressed younger than his description put him across to be? And when it switches to italics at the end, is that her thinking or his? If it's hers, it's jarring suddenly to be in her head, then back in his.

I really want to know what's going on though, this has me intrigued!

-Steve

Bit unsatisfied with the ending, but I found myself wanting much much more, which impressive for me, I usually detest stories like these.

In his preparation for his first date, the character Andrew was so caught up in his apperance. He thought that since it is a young woman, she would normally prefer a person of her age more so than a much older person.

"What if she did not fancy him at all? What if she realised that he looked quite different from the exaggerated description of him? What if she preferred a younger hunk more than a matured gentleman with a stable income? "

Hence, leading him to "Andrew crafted out an ingenious plan: from hiring a chauffeur to drafting out possible scenarios with her, and also trying to make himself look youthful"

Which resulted in a backfire because the young female was ACTUALLY looking out for a matured gentlemen, not someone who desperately tried to look younger. That's why the Cupid Agency has matched them together, because she's what he wanted, and he's what she wanted. But due to Andrew's desperation, well it unfortunately ended up in a failure!

The morale of the story is simply put: "Be true to yourself if you wanna meet the love of your life!" Sound corny, but hey, it' true


So I guess I need to improvise some parts of it since the story is unclear.. Hmm..

Hi Koxeida,
I like your revised ending! Much easier to see what you're seeing...
As I said, I think the potential for satire in this story is very strong, so I'm not ready to say it's everything it could be... also since it's so short, you can indulge yourself in pouring over every line... (if you want to bother lol!)
the line for me between sarcasm and cliché can be very thin, but for instance "time flew by in a blink of an eye" falls on the side of cliché in my opinion
also, I'm not sure I believe being true to yourself is a guarantee for being loved ha!! so this could limit how effective the satire is...
still, I like your project...
best,
Roughin