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Thread: DK-421 part 2 (LANGUAGE WARNING) (VIOLENCE WARNING)

  1. #1
    Writer Ceremony's Avatar
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    DK-421 part 2 (LANGUAGE WARNING) (VIOLENCE WARNING)

    Upper Atrium
    Project Housing District 34

    The slums…

    Wallace grabbed his molative and lit it.

    “This is for all you fucking bastards!” he yelled as he threw the molitive at the crowd of soldiers.

    “Molitive! MOVE!” one of the soldiers yelled as they all ran for cover.

    The crowd chanted “MORE FOOD! MORE WATER! MUTANT FREEDOM!”

    The soldiers began opening fire on the people when one of them caught on fire. The hundred or so people ran for cover in between alleys, behind dumpsters, and blown out buildings. Wallace ran into an alley with two of his mates, Micky and Warwick.

    Wallace put his hood up then tied his handkerchief around his face. The red handkerchief had fangs knitted on the front of it making it seem like Wallace had mutant teeth.

    “TO ARMS BROTHERS!” Micky yelled as he pulled out a pistol and shot out of the side of the alley

    “This is it lads!” said Warwick tossing Wallace a shotgun.

    “Fuckin’ a mate!” Wallace yelled taking the shotgun and joining his comrade shooting at the soldiers.

    “THIS IS WHERE WE STAND AGAINST THEM! HERE AND NOW!” someone yelled from the alley across the street.

    Wallace cocked the shotgun as he stood next to Micky. Bullets flew past the steel wall that separated them from the platoon of soldiers.

    “Wallace! Molitive!” Yelled Micky.

    Wallace handed him a molitive from his belt. Micky grabbed it, lit it, peeked out of cover and threw it.

    “ANOTHER MOLITIVE! MOVE!” one of the soldiers yelled.

    Micky kept firing his pistol blindly at of the side of the steel building.

    Warwick tapped Wallace on the shoulder. Wallace turned to him.

    “We gotta flank them! They’re gonna pin us down here!” Warwick shouted.

    “Right! Micky lets go!” he said.

    All three of them vanished into the alley way. They turned left once the alley way intersected and took cover behind dumpsters. Soldiers were visible in front of them, 30 yards. But they seemed to have the same plan as the Trio. A few soldiers turned to the alley, aiming their rifles into the alley, scaning the alley.

    Wallace was next to Micky behind a dumpster.

    “Looks like they had the same plan as us…” he whispered.

    As they approached within 10 feet, Warwick yelled, “NOW!”
    All three popped out behind cover and emptied rounds into the 4 soldiers approaching. They all screamed as blood drenched the alley.

    “SUPER SIX ONE TAKING FIRE!” yelled the soldiers outside of the alley in front of them. Bullets tinked the dumpsters they were behind.

    “We’re gonna get pinned down!” Warwick cautioned, “Fall back! I’ll cover you two! MOVE!”

    Wallace got down and began to crawl behind the dumpster, hugging the wall, with his shotgun at his belly while Warwick blind fired with his SMG.

    BLERRT BLERRTTT

    Wallace and Micky reached the intersection and took cover behind the wall.

    Wallace peeked out and shot a slug at a soldier peeking out at the end of the alley.

    BLOOSH

    “AHH I’m FUCKING HIT!!” screamed the soldier.

    Warwick was totally pinned down at this point. He was curled in a ball as bullets ricocheted off the ground.

    “GO!” Warwick yelled at Wallace and Micky, “GO NOW!” he said as he blind fired again.

    Wallace and Micky looked at each other.

    “We’re not leaving you mate!” Micky yelled blind firing with his pistol.

    Warwick knew they weren’t going to leave him behind. He stood up and fired at the soldiers.

    BLEERT BLEERTT

    “AHhhh!” screamed a soldier.

    “WARWICK!” Wallace yelled.

    Bullets put him full of holes as he spun and collapsed face first.

    “WALLACE WE NEED TO GO!” Micky yelled grabbing him by his pack.

    Wallace Turned and ran with Micky. They ran down the alley and turned right at the next intersection.
    Last edited by Ceremony; 05-11-2011 at 02:05 AM.

  2. #2
    FoWF Flapjack's Avatar
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    Cool story.

    I've never seen molotov spelled molative. I don't know if thats is incorrect or just an alternative. In the sixth line, fire is repeated. It messes with the flow of the sentence.

    Also, in the sentence starting, "Warwick was totally...", the speakers voice changed. What I mean is, throughout the piece you have this bland third person speaker who has no character traits. The use of "totally" gives him/her a bit of a personality. I am assuming you didn't want to do this so I would use a different adverb or just take it out all together.

    I enjoyed reading this but the ending left me wanting. I'm assuming this is part of a larger story, but thought I would mention that.
    Last edited by Flapjack; 05-11-2011 at 06:21 AM.
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  3. #3
    Writer Ceremony's Avatar
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    Thank you for you're imput its always appreciated. and molotov was spelled wrong (I am one of the worst spellers) but nothing i cant fix. Thanks again

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