Thread: The Warriors (A Story about realising your Dream and Destiny)

The world is made of two kinds of people. There are the Warriors of Dawn and the Warriors of Dusk. The Warriors of Dawn have dreams and believe they can achieve them. The Warriors of Dusk may have or may not have dreams, no one knows for sure, for they believe that no one can realize them. That the path to a destiny is so hard that people are better off without it.



The girl was a chess player. There were a lot of chess players in her city and she had beaten most of them. Now she had a chance to try at the National level. To become the best player in the country. That was her dream.



Life itself is a game of chess, played by real people. The Warriors of Dawn and Dusk are the two sides that play this game. It's a match played merely to convince the other side that what they believe is true. The team whose beliefs are right would win the game.



She had struggled a lot to come to this position. There had been fights, arguments, tears. What she wanted was now so near, so within her reach that it frightened her. But she forced herself to keep her anxiety in check. She had this only chance and she couldn't afford to lose it. She had to do it once, and do it right.



The Warriors got their title from a simple concept. The Beginning of the World is seen as the Dawn, and the End is the Dusk.
But the difference between the Warriors is so simple that it sometimes becomes confusing. Because at times you don't know whose side you are on. If, for example, you become a doctor because you want to, you are a Warrior of Dawn; if you become a doctor because are forced to become one, you are a Warrior of Dusk.



The girl was restless. She had been pacing the room for half an hour. Control and belief. She needed to control her emotions and believe in herself. She had come too far to back off now.
She knew she was fortunate. She had the gift, and with a little guidance from her Teacher, she had made it. She had struggled, won game after game. She deserved this, she knew it. Unlike some people. She swore under her breath. They would know soon. They would know. The whole country would. She shut her eyes and said a silent prayer.



It's a silent war we're fighting. And a silent war is worse because you don't even know who your opponents are. Opponents who torture you mentally and emotionally and snatch away from you what you want the most----your dream. Even your parents, siblings or friends may be those opponents, may be the Warriors of Dusk.



They had fought again that morning. It isn't fair! the girl thought. She was doing everything else she ought to do. Then why didn't her parents understand that she had to go for the final match? Chess was her passion. She loved playing it. And there was nothing wrong in playing, was there? No, they didn't understand. They never did. It was always the same unreasonable excuses. They simply didn't want her to play. Why? They never answered.
Even her brother wasn't a help. He wasn't against it, but he didn't encourage her either. It shouldn't make a difference to her, there was her Teacher who believed in her; but a word of encouragement now and then, or simply moral support from her parents wouldn't hurt. Sure, if she won the match then they'd be all praises. But until then, she was nothing.
It hurt. It hurt her badly. Was a Gift nothing to them? Even if she lost this match, then she was the best player in the city. Couldn't they acknowledge that? She buried her face in her pillow and cried herself to sleep.



It's a remarkable game that they play, these warriors. The end would justify the rights of people and prove whether dreams can be realized or not. And, like everything else, the fate of this game too is destined.



It was the day of the final match, and they had been playing for an hour and a half. It was the boy's turn and he was taking long. Most of her pawns had been captured, but that didn't matter. A game could change during the last moments. Her mind began to wander. She thought of all the times she had played, all the wins and losses, the times she had argued with her parents to realize her dream, the guidance of her teacher. And now this. Finally. She felt a sense of pride.
The boy bent forward, snapping her from her thoughts. He made his move and gave her a smug look. Uh-oh. This looked like trouble.



The Warriors of Dusk have what they believe is a fool-proof method of winning the game. "The World will come to an end. That is why we're here, and that is how we've got this name. The Warriors of Dusk shall win."



The girl began to panic. No, she couldn't allow this to happen. Her parents wouldn't allow her to play another time. If she lost this, she'd lose forever. She tried to concentrate, but her mind refused to work. She glanced helplessly at her Teacher.
It was the calm and serene look that he gave her. The girl recalled her Teacher saying once:

When the worst comes to worst, rise up with all your might,
Rise like the sun to its supreme height.
Then should you work with renewed vigor and power,
Because remember:
It is just before dawn when comes the darkest hour.

Steady, she had to stay steady. She took a few deep breaths and focused her mind.
She suddenly knew what she had to do. Smiling to herself, she made her move.



But the Warriors of Dusk forget one thing. That there's going to be another Beginning. That the World will witness another Dawn. God himself has promised that. And after that, there will be no Dusk.



Checkmate.

This was such a wonderful read! Your prose is efficient, and to the point, but it doesn't miss any emotion inclination to a build up. Everything was simple to understand, but struck something that made me think; you did an excellent job, dear. I already want to read more, lol. ^_^

Aww thanks! This was actually my first short story, and it was nothing short of a revelation. It just popped into my head, like someone was reading it out to me, and I only wrote it down, stopping only at the last word. Glad you liked it.

Very enjoyable read! Your story flowed between the two parts so smoothly that I didn't feel interrupted at all. I love chess so this one was special for me. I didn't notice any issues, save one problem I had here:

Originally Posted by candid petunia

But the Warriors of Dusk forget one thing. That there's going to be another Beginning. That the World will witness another Dawn. God Himself has promised that. And after that, there will be no Dusk.

This is your work and your theme so you can disregard this. That said, I didn't like these last few lines. If your main theme here was a religious one, then I didn't pick up on that and please forgive me. That said, I felt like your ending here contradicted yourself a bit. The world will witness another dawn. But it will see another dusk as well. One battle one is not an eternal victory. The girl will play another chess game. So will everyone who has experienced both victory and defeat. There is an eternal cycle. Dawn cannot last forever.

Obviously, that is excluding religious themes. To me it felt like this victory was of the human spirit, not the human soul. Perhaps I misread. Human life outside of heaven/hell, however, is cyclical.

Thanks again for the very enjoyable read!

Thank you for the feedback, Flapjack. I miss your previous avatar, by the way.
Sorry if you felt it to be religious. Didn't mean it to be that way. About the eternal victory thing, it was about Resurrection... the World will not end after that. So umm the ending sounds wrong? (And that was my punchline - first thing I was proud of in my writing. )

Did you read Paulo Coelho? His books aren't religious too, not totally... He does mention God sometimes, but he talks of the human spirit and soul at the same time. This was something like that.

I didn't take it as religious. I just meant, that would be a situation in which that ending would work. That is because fulfilling religious dreams implies eternal happiness, joy, etc. Dawn without dusk.

In normal human lives, this ending wouldn't work for me. Permenant "dawn" or forever realizing dreams is not a human experience. We have dawn, but then we face dusk. Every person deals with sucess and failure over and over again. I might say something like this:

But the Warriors of Dusk forget one thing. That there's going to be another Beginning. That no matter the depths of darkness, the World will witness another Dawn.

Checkmate!

All I've done is leave unsaid that dusk will come again. And dawn after that. And then dusk again. And so on.

I'm sorry to say I haven't read Paulo Coelho. I do see what your saying however.

Got it. Thanks a lot!

No, wait. If I change the ending to what you said, would the reason for the title of Warriors still be relevant?

The Warriors got their title from a simple concept. The Beginning of the World is seen as the Dawn, and the End is the Dusk.

Or would I have to change that too? I'm getting confused now.

But the Warriors of Dusk forget one thing. That there's going to be another Beginning. That the World will witness another Dawn. God Himself has promised that. And after that, there will be no Dusk.

My humble suggestion:

But the warriors of dusk forget one thing: there will be another beginning. Someday God will deliver his promise. One day there will be no dusk, only eternal dawn. ????? sounds religious anyway you slice it

I need help here.

Originally Posted by candid petunia

I need help here.

Very interesting, nice use of the inner commentary and alternating back and forth - very thought provoking - great idea to use the vehicle of the chess game to get your point across.

As far as narrative, I would have liked to have seen more of the drama on the chess board, like the pieces (you mention pawns, but no anything else) - maybe flesh that out a bit, I don't know

As far as the ending, about the Dawn returning, and there not being another Dusk again, maybe inject something in there about the Dawning of The Sun that Never Sets, or the Dawn of the Eternal Day - a Light conquering the Darkness, however you want to say it, you get the idea

One picky thing: "She had this only chance and she couldn't afford to lose it. She had to do it once, and do it right."

"this only chance" here sounds a bit off - just saying "this one chance" sounds better, although that seems a bit cliched.

Are you opposed to giving "the girl" and "the boy" names? It would make them more real and personable but not if it interferes with your purpose - was also curious why you capitalized Teacher (in all but one instance)?

Your prose is really solid and hard hitting - I particularly like the paragraph starting "The girl was restless..." Great use of short sentences mixed in there, very effective - can feel her anxious heart beating

---todd

Originally Posted by candid petunia

Got it. Thanks a lot!

No, wait. If I change the ending to what you said, would the reason for the title of Warriors still be relevant?


Or would I have to change that too? I'm getting confused now.

It is your piece so you would know better than me. Regardless, I will tell you what I think. By leaving out the eternal dawn part you support the "The Beginning of the World is seen as the Dawn, and the End is the Dusk." line.

Initially that line seems to conflict with your whole point. That is because you start out with dawn, and then you end in dusk. Instead, we see that, as the character reaches toward her goal, ambition, dream she suddenly ends with dawn. However, by leaving it implied that this is a cyclical process you resolve this conflict.

This is how I see the metaphor. When you begin a new challenge or start reaching for a goal, you are fighting for dawn. That is the beginning of the world. Over time, as difficulties pile up, you slowly drift toward dusk. Thankfully, however this isn't the end. That's because we know that the cycle will continue and, as our character achieves victory, we reach another dawn. This dawn has new hopes, challenges, and exciting opportunities.

Your last line is perfect because it requires us to think about it. Who won the game? It is strongly implied but we can't be sure. What we readers know, however, is that there is always another dawn. She must have won because, after the darkest hour, dawn is assured.


I'm taking some license with my interpretation. I hope you don't mind. If I am reading this far apart from what you intended please forgive me. That is simply how I see it.

Todd, thanks a lot for your feedback. Really appreciate it.

Originally Posted by toddm

I would have liked to have seen more of the drama on the chess board, like the pieces (you mention pawns, but no anything else) - maybe flesh that out a bit, I don't know

I'd thought about it, but bringing a bit of drama here would have lengthened the paragraph. And all of the rest are small - I wanted to maintain that. Does it feel too lacking?

Originally Posted by toddm

Are you opposed to giving "the girl" and "the boy" names? It would make them more real and personable but not if it interferes with your purpose - was also curious why you capitalized Teacher (in all but one instance)?

I like it this way. Whenever I write about me, I refer to myself as the 'girl'. And in this story, the girl was a lot of me. Or I was a lot of her. We're connected, somehow.
About the Teacher? (I'm smiling here.) As I told Flapjack, an effect of reading Paulo Coelho. Though this story was written before I'd read any of his books. I missed out the capitalisation somewhere? Will have to search for it.


About the ending, Flapjack has commented again. Knocked sense into my head. Will have to rack my brains again and change it.

Thanks once again for the help.

Edit: Sorry Flapjack, but I realise I like it the way it was before. Changed back to the original version.

I'm glad you pointed me this way. It is just my cuppa. Deeply mixed with metaphors,an emotional roller-coaster and clever. This is, as you say, your first short, and it is good enough to be entered into a competition. I am jealous.

Thank you, bazz. I'm trying to ignore the 'jealousy' part hehe. Glad you enjoyed it.