Thread: Sounds of Silence: Prologue

The clouds rolled over the small house. She watched as her mother’s car pulled out of the driveway. The moment it disappeared from view the rain began to patter against her window. In just a few moments the rain became a downpour and the outside world was hidden from view. She sighed, then climbed into bed and fell asleep to the sounds of booming thunder and rain pounding against her window.


A few hours later, Elizabeth woke to a silent world. The storm had passed, leaving behind silence and the occasional lightning flash. Her mother still wasn’t home. Her room was pitch black, except when it was lit up by lightning. She rolled over and tried to go back to sleep. She tossed and turned, trying to ignore her growing fear.

It wasn’t the dark she was afraid of, or even what was in it. It was the silence. The silence concealed the evils of the world. If only she could hear something. She didn’t have to see something to be able to run from. She just had to be able to hear it.

The squeak of door hinges penetrated the silence. She froze, straining to hear the slightest noise. The soft click of her door being closed came through the darkness. It was too late to run now. There was a flash of lightning and Elizabeth could see the figure of a man beside her bed. She screamed once before the silence she so feared overwhelmed her.

I liked the premise of this piece but it didn't seem to build up enough of Elizabeth's fear before it peaked and concluded. That section od build up was actually the shortest of the piece so it didn't really have me invested in her emotional state to much. As a whole I think it is a great prologue because I am left wondering where mom went and what happened to apparently delay her return, also of course left wondering if Elizabeth merely fainted when her brother/father scared her or if she has just been drugged etc etc.

The lack of knowledge about who Elizabeth actually is also leaves a little to be desired, just things like how old she is, does she have a brother or sister etc. something to help me invest in her as a character which helps me become more curious about her situation. So there are questions left which is what you want, so I'd say good job!

All the best,
TW

This needs to be fleshed out a bit more for me. It has the beginnings of an interest introduction to a story, but at the moment I have to agree with ThreadWhisperer in that I don't really know enough about Elizabeth to care about her wellbeing. I feel that more description and less information is needed. In other words, I think you need to create the atmosphere and sense of loneliness that would lend itself to this scene and leave out 'the figure of a man' piece. I think it would leave more to the imagination if it read: "There was a flash, she screamed, the silence she so feared overwhelmed her." I think this might leave the reader asking the right questions.

Hope this makes sense and helps a little!

RAF