Thread: The Chase and Other Imaginative Shorts

Foreword: After some thought, I've decided that my muse is directing me towards writing short stories for now. My brain isn't really up for writing a novel, so I guess shorties would work for now. I have also decided to make this thread a compilation of my shorts, so that I will not clutter the Fiction sub-forums.

For a sort of organization, I'd list the links to the different short stories here:
1. The Chase
2. Zeke

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The Chase

The sun glared brightly across the sky, sending forth rays that seemed to seep through every inch of my skin. It was very hot, seething even. To stay a mere ten seconds out of the shade was enough to give you convulsions. But I had to go out. My ship was waiting. It was time for another mission.

I walked out of the headquarters, and there it was, parked across the street - the legendary flyer Stolzmaschine. True, it was already ten years old, approaching eleven, but it was still in good condition. There were bumps here and there, but nevertheless, it was still working.

I walked towards it, opened the engine compartment and plugged in the batteries. Then, after hearing the confirmatory thud of the locks disengaging, I entered my beloved hovercraft. Once inside, I sat down and checked my navigation sensors. They were fine. I then stepped on the pedal, flipped the switch, and turned on the ignition. The engine roared to life, and I was ready to move. I turned on the flyer’s built-in radio, a personal touch of mine, and switched it to some classical music. Ah, yes. The Marriage of Figaro.

Seeing that everything was ready to go, I sent in my message to Control Tower that I was ready to leave. “Control Tower, this is Stolz 921. I’m ready to launch.”

“No problem, Stolz 921. You’re good to go.”

And I was immediately in the air, passing the busy merchant district towards the Roxas Skyway. I was pretty much speeding through the skyway, passing through the other flyers. Though I always loved my own craft, I’ve thought about selling it to buy a new one. This flyer was definitely growing older, and it wasn’t exactly improving, performance-wise. A new flyer would be nice, and I heard there was this new hovercraft named the Prazdnik. It had a low first payment cost, plus it had a low monthly rate. I guess I could try purchasing that.

I was passing by the Central Bank when I noticed a green flyer behind me. It seemed to be following me ever since I got out of the merchant district of Arnaiz. The green flyer looked familiar, too, though I couldn’t seem to place it. Needless to say, it was pretty much a threat, and I had to lose this tail or who knows what could happen.

I engaged the stick and pulled it back while I stepped on the pedal. My flyer’s thrusters groaned as I approached fifty kilometers-per-hour, sixty, seventy. I looked at my navigation sensors and saw the green flyer doing the same. This is going to be a hard tail to lose. I inched the transmission lever forward then pulled the stick further back. I was now doing eighty on the skyway, which was the acceptable limit during day-time. I sped past the Laurel Monument, past Peter Avenue, almost beating the red light as I did so. I looked at my navigation sensors again, only to be shocked that my tail had just beaten the red light, and was still following me. The traffic officers did nothing to apprehend it. Could the driver of the green flyer have permission from the Ministry? Why would the ministry go after me? What did I do?

I revved my Stolz further, and I was now cruising past the Roxas Skyway at ninety kilometers per hour. I was careful not to crash onto the other flyers along the skyway, and even had a couple of close calls. Despite my efforts, the green, unmarked flyer was still behind me, chasing me on. I decided to make a hard right at the lower district of Callaw. My wing propellers screeched as their levers turned a hard up, so I could make the sharp turn. My right wing dipped low and almost smashed to the asphalt below.

All this happened while Mozart’s Requiem played on my radio.

As I was speeding on Callaw, I noticed the green flyer did not follow me at all. He just flew past the Callaw district, straight on north. I smiled sheepishly at myself and my weird paranoia.

I made a left on Maria Orosa Avenue, turned on Finance Road and arrived at my destination uneventfully. I pushed the transmission lever forward to P, stepped on the pedal twice, turned off the radio - which was playing the last notes of Ode to Joy - and turned off the engines. I grabbed my bag, opened the door, then closed it behind me. After locking the door, I walked towards the school gate and presented my ID to the security personnel.

“Elijah, is it? You’re good to go,” the guard uttered.

I sighed loudly, another day at school.

Haha, nice story Fuhrer. Flowed along in a very natural, easy voice that was fun to read. I think that "easy to read" factor can be a large selling point. If the language is awkward, or the procession of thoughts strange, I think readers can be alienated in a hurry. But this flowed along very well. Not many nits on my part, the grammar and word choice were all solid.

To stay a mere ten seconds out of the shade is enough

The "is" here should be "was" to maintain the past tense.

I walked out the headquarters

This would sound more natural if you said walked out of.

un-engaging

Should be disengaging.

Seeing that everything’s ready to go

"everything's" should be "everything was".

And I was immediately on the air, past the busy merchant district towards the Roxas Skyway.

I'd change the "on" to "in" and change "past" to "passing".

I was pretty much speeding through the skyway, passing through the other flyers.

Here's an idea for how you can shorten this up,

I sped through the skyway past the other flyers.

though I can’t seem to place it.

Should be "couldn't".

I engaged the stick, pulled it back, while I stepped on the pedal.

There's either an "and" or an "-ing" missing from this sentence. I'd put an "and" before "pulled" (and lose the comma before it), or I'd change "pull" to "pulling". In either case I'd lose the second comma.

arrived at my destination uneventful.

I'd change "uneventful" to "uneventfully", unless it's describing destination which I doubt.

, which was playing the last notes of Ode to Joy,

I'd change the commas surrounding this clause into dashes to better emphasize the tone change.

Nice read.

Originally Posted by TheFuhrer02

The sun glared brightly across the sky, sending forth rays that seemed to seep through every inch of my skin. It was very hot, seething even. To stay a mere ten seconds out of the shade is enough to give you convulsions. But I had to go out. My ship was waiting. It was time for another mission.

I walked out of the headquarters, and there it was, parked across the street - the legendary flyer Stolzmaschine. True, it was already ten years old, approaching eleven, but it was still in good condition. There were bumps here and there, but nevertheless, it was still working. Maybe something a little more descriptive like "it still purred like a kitten or was as fast as..."

I walked towards it, opened the engine compartment and plugged in the batteries. Then, after hearing the confirmatory thud of the locks dis un-engaging, I entered my beloved hovercraft. Once inside, I sat down and checked my navigation sensors. They were fine. I then stepped on the pedal, flipped the switch, and turned on the ignition. The engine roared to life, and I was ready to move. I turned on the flyer’s built-in radio, a personal touch of mine, and switched it to some classical music. Ah, yes. The Marriage of Figaro.

Seeing that everything’s was ready to go, I sent in my message to Control Tower that I was ready to leave. “Control Tower, this is Stolz 921. I’m leaving.” Maybe, ready for launch or something more futuristic.

“No problem, Stolz 921. You’re good to go.”

And I was immediately on the air, past the busy merchant district towards the Roxas Skyway. I was pretty much speeding through the skyway, passing through the other flyers. Though I always loved my own craft, I’ve thought about selling it to buy a new one. This flyer was definitely growing older, and it wasn’t exactly improving, performance-wise. A new flyer would be nice, and I heard there was this new hovercraft named the Prazdnik. It had a low first payment cost, plus it had a low monthly rate. I guess I could try purchasing that.

I was passing by the Central Bank when I noticed this a green flyer behind me. It seemed to be following me ever I noticed it following me when I left the since I got out of the merchant district of Arnaiz. The green flyer looked familiar, too, though I can’t couldn't seem to place it. Needless to say, it was pretty much a threat, and I had to lose this tail or who knows what’ll could happen.

I engaged the stick, pulled it back, while I stepped on the pedal. My flyer’s thrusters groaned as I approached fifty kilometers-per-hour, sixty, seventy. I looked at my navigation sensors and saw the green flyer doing the same. This is going to be a hard tail to lose. I inched the transmission lever forward then pulled the stick further back. I was now doing eighty on the skyway, which was the acceptable limit during day-time. I sped past the Laurel Monument, past Peter Avenue, almost beating the red light as I did so. I looked at my navigation sensors again, only to be shocked that my tail had just beaten the red light, and was still following me. The traffic officers did nothing to apprehend it. Could the driver of the green flyer have permission from the Ministry? Why would the ministry go after me? What did I do?

I revved my Stolz further, and I was now cruising past the Roxas Skyway at ninety kilometers per hour. I was careful not to crash onto the other flyers along the skyway, and even had a couple of close calls. Despite my efforts, the green, unmarked flyer was still behind me, chasing me on. I decided to make a hard right at the lower district of Callaw. My wing propellers screeched as their levers turned a hard up, so I could make the sharp turn. My right wing dipped low and almost smashed to the asphalt below.

All this happened while Mozart’s Requiem played on my radio. The mention of the music is good but it doesn't really fit here.

As I was speeding on Callaw, I noticed the green flyer did not follow me at all. He just flew past the Callaw district, straight on north. He wasn’t following me at all. I smiled sheepishly at myself and my weird paranoia.

I made a left on Maria Orosa Avenue, turned on Finance Road and arrived at my destination uneventful. I pushed the transmission lever forward to P, stepped on the pedal twice, turned off the radio, which was playing the last notes of Ode to Joy, and turned off the engines. I grabbed my bag, opened the door, then closed it behind me. After locking the door, I walked towards the school gate and presented my ID to the security personnel.

“Elijah, is it? You’re good to go,” the guard uttered.

I Sighed loudly, another day at school.

Great first chapter. Totally wasn't expecting the school part. Awesome.

Thanks for the corrections. I am really having a hard time proofreading my works.

@ Caelum: thanks for the corrections on the tenses. I sometimes write my stories half-asleep, or half-drunk.

@ Sharon: That "Ready for launch" suggestion was really nice! I hope you don't mind me adapting it!

Again, thanks for reading! The effort is very sincerely appreciated.

Hi Fuhrer

A nice read. It's solidly written, which is always refreshing to read. There is a good feeling of tension whilst the 'chase' is on, and this dissipates with a hearty sigh of relief as the following vehicle goes straight on, leaving the reader feeling 'phew.'

A fault I would pick on would be the opening sentence. Personally, I find it cliched when a description of the weather is used as the opening sentence, unless it is being used in an atmospheric way, setting the mood or tone. Here we have a chase scene, an adrenalin rush, a blur of buildings speeding by, and I think the opening is weak, compared to what follows after.

Maybe if the weather was poor, rain lashing down say, or poor visibility due to fog, it might add an element of danger. Just a thought.

Nice read.

Scott

Yeah, the weather starter could sound a bit of a cliche. Will ponder upon trying to change it. Much thanks for your input!

Hello Fuhrer, I too enjoyed your piece for the same reasons already mentioned - it flowed smoothly and drew me in. Just one thing - towards the end you say did not follow me at all twice, although in separate sentences, I thought a variation would be better - perhaps, he wasn't a tail after all or I breathed easier as my tail flew past. Want to read more.

Whoops, I actually didn't notice that. Thanks for the heads up, mockingbird!

It was snowing!

Once I saw the snow falling from the sky, I immediately ran towards the door, past the empty hallway onto the wide school grounds. I got down on my knees and touched the snow-filled pavement. I was holding snow! Ha! And everyone thought snowing in the Philippines was impossible. Here it was, snow!

I laughed at myself rather childishly. It was a surreal experience, touching snow, feeling the flakes with your bare hands. Come to think of it, snowing isn’t that bad. I mean, I was only wearing a plain, cotton shirt and a well-worn pair of jeans yet I don’t feel cold. I shrugged off this minute, negligible detail and savored the snow. I lied down on the ground then waved my hands and feet outward, inward, then outward again. I was making a very cool snow angel for myself.

“Meow.”

I immediately got up to my feet, startled at the sound of a cat’s cry. The cry was familiar, very familiar. I looked around, snowflakes falling from the sky as I did. I walked across the quadrangle towards the school cafeteria, where I had a hunch the sound was coming from.

When I got to the cafeteria, it was eerily empty. There was no food at the counter, no one at the tables – there it is again! I turned my head sharply to the left, in the direction of the back door leading to the supply room.

“Meow.”

I was now pretty sure the sound came from the supply room. So I walked towards it, past the empty tables. I did glance shortly outside the windows to my left, to check if anyone else was outside. Apparently, the school was empty. Not even George the security guard was present. I shrugged the thought off as I paced nearer and nearer the supply room. Despite the bright lights emanating from the cafeteria, the supply room was awfully dark, pitch-black even. I entered the room and struggled to find the light switch. I reached blindly at the walls, feeling for something. Shelves, more shelves. What the he – Oh, there it is.

I flipped the switch up. The fluorescent light overhead opened, and the sudden brightness made me close my eyes for a bit. Once my eyes got used to the luminosity of the room, I saw that there was nothing inside the room but boxes, lots of them, atop the shelves and on the floor. The cat was nowhere to be found.

I looked around once more, perhaps I just missed some nook or cranny where the cat may have hidden. I leaned downward and checked below the shelves and in between the boxes. No, it’s definitely not here.

I was about to stand up when I felt this cool breeze hit my face. The wind seemed to come from my left. Oh, there it is. The cat must’ve jumped out of the window. I looked at the window and uttered softly to myself while rubbing my chin, “I guess I could fit through there.”

I took a plastic chair from the corner of the room, and used it as a step-up so I could climb out the window. I squeezed myself so I’d fit through. I then tried to lean outside, see if I could land safely on the other side. The snowy ground looked real soft, and the height from the window to the floor wasn’t that high. I think I could manage. I jumped out, and landed on my knees. The snow cushioned my fall, but it made me lose my balance, and I fell face-first onto the ground.

I stood up, rubbed the snow off my face and body, then looked around. In front of me was the school fence. It was about ten feet high, and made of cement. To my right was a dead end, and a Dumpster. I guess the only way to go was left. So I walked towards that direction.

“Meow!”

There he was in front of me, my cat Zeke. I smiled and reached my hand toward him, urging him to come to me. He would usually come to me at this point, but he simply sat there, head tilted slightly to the left.

“Come, Zeke. Let’s go home,” I said. The cat remained stationary.

I squinted my eyes, curious as to why my Zeke was behaving like that. Just as I was about to call him again, he ran off, towards the forest. I followed him, running as I did. Zeke was my father’s gift to me for my fifteenth birthday. I can’t lose Zeke now, after eight years of being together.

The snow hit my face as I ran and tried to catch up with Zeke. I felt the wind whoosh around me as I ran hastily past the trees. I felt my sneakers getting moist. But I did not stop. I ran, and ran, and ran… until I could run no more. I fell to the ground, felt my heart threatening to jump out of my chest as it beat.

No, Zeke. You can’t run away! I’m you’re best bud, remember?

Zeke!

“Zeke!” I shouted, standing up as I did so. I then noticed my classmates looking at me with perplexed eyes. Even my professor looked bewildered.

“Is there something wrong, Mr. Linniel?”

I shook my head. “None, sir.”

The class then broke into laughter as I settled in my seat.