Thread: John 3:3 - (Adult Language)

Well... So here I am. Not quite sure what I'm doing here. But I am here nonetheless. I've dragged my ass around Earth long enough. I was trying to avoid this place as long as I could. But here I am standing in a line that at this point appears to have no end. On a long road paved with gold bricks surrounded by mounds of snow white clouds, unicorns, enormous red and white stupid mushrooms, bright rays of beaming light, sugary sweet smells in the air... Why did I want to avoid this for so long again? Ah, because I might not make it through the gates, they might pull that lever and send me spiraling down into the incinerator below to burn my flesh off just to have it regrow and burn off again every day for the rest of eternity. But haunting people got really boring. I was even doing the Paranormal Activity shit, snatching sheets off bitches. But, I guess I'm ready to find out where I'm going now, heaven or hell. What difference does it really make?

Who doesn't love toxic waste? Or feeling beneficial off a thizzelle and a vodka chase? Jesus, that's who. So I'm a little worried about my chances of getting in. But, surely He will have mercy on me for all the good things I did as well, right? Like that bum that always sat outside Lucia's Cantina, I used to always give my leftover tacos when I left. And it's not like I didn't try, I prayed when things got tough. I even asked for forgiveness when I knew I really messed up. So maybe my chances aren't too bad.

My buddy Ron wasn't tired of haunting people yet. He couldn't get enough of it because he's still got his brother Marcus and daughter Monet that he wants to spend some time with. I didn't have nothing special to haunt like that. I usually just went to random hot chicks houses and watched them shower and what not till I got bored, I'm sure that didn't put any more stock towards my chances of getting wings.

“This lines hella long, huh?” I said to the middle-aged white haired man behind me.

“Yeah, heard California broke off the coast of the US this morning and sunk into the Pacific,” he said.

“For real? I heard there was a possibility of that happening one day, but never actually took it serious,” I said, “So Arnold's up there in line somewhere?”

“Guess so.”

“And Kobe?” I said with an air jump shot.

“No. No, Lakers are in Boston for game three of the Finals tonight.” The man said, now looking interested in continuing the conversation with me.

“Damn...” I mumbled, turning away.

People have a lot of misconceptions about spirits. We can't fly or teleport wherever we want, we can’t even walk through walls like it seems we should be able to. That is what makes it so damn boring as a ghost. It's no different than being a human except you can't interact with other people. We can't touch them or anything. We just pass right through them and give them the chills.

When I was alive I always thought ghost were a load of bullshit, it seemed stupid to me that a ghost would hang around the place that he or she died and haunt it forever. Well now it is all clear to me why some may do that. Since we have no ability to walk through walls we are easily trapped in rooms or buildings until a human comes along and opens up the door so we can sneak out. So if someone is murdered in a house or building their ghost would be trapped there until someone comes and unknowingly lets them out. And some people just choose to stay ghosts forever because getting to this place is not very easy, but that's a long story I don't feel like telling right now.

There are some definite perks to being a ghost though. I watched every Chiefs game from the sideline this year. Sometimes I even ran along with the players on the field and acted like I was playing. A bunch of us ghost fans even snuck onto the team plane to Pittsburgh when we made the playoffs. All the players were cranking up the heat and asking for extra blankets on that flight, they would have never guessed the reason they were all cold was because there were ghosts in their seats.

“So, where you from?” I said. Suddenly a conversation with the man behind me seemed more appealing than waiting in silence for the next who knows how long.

“Portland, Oregon,” He said, “How about you?”

“Kansas City, Missouri. So are you nervous about what may happen when we get up to those gates?”

“Of course I'm nervous. I didn't think this place actually existed. I used to tell myself the afterlife was for wishful thinkers. Maybe that was my own wishful thinking because I always thought church was so boring as a kid. I made myself believe you only live one short life, so you should do whatever makes you happy.” He said, “But the things that made me happy were living an honest life, so I think I've got a shot to make it in.”

“Yeah your probably better off than me,” I said, “I did a lot of bad things in my life, hell, I died in a shootout! But I always knew God was real and I would be facing judgment one day...”

When I died, I didn't even realize I had died. I was in a shootout, my gun jammed, and I saw the cops coming down the block. So I hopped off the porch and took off running. But Ronald shot me three times in the back and I went to the ground. I thought that I got back up to my feet and took off running again, but when I looked back to see if the cops were closing in on me, I saw myself lying face down in the grass. But when the cops hopped out of the car and ran up to my body with guns drawn and checked my vitals, I felt like a free man, they couldn't see me. They weren't going to catch me, but at the same time I realized that I must be dead. I just stood there in awe soaking everything in and coming to grip with my new reality. Then I saw Ronald get up off the ground, but his body was still lying lifeless as well.

I didn't feel a single bit of animosity towards him anymore. Two minutes ago we were trying to kill each other and he succeeded. Yet, when we made eye contact we met each other with pearly white grins. We approached each other with an embrace and a handshake. We had never met before this moment but we both felt as if we had been best friends for years. He told me about the situation with his brother and daughter and I loved him even more. He left me sitting alone on the cold pavement in the middle of the street as cars whizzed through my permeable body. He needed to go be with them.

“Do you think that I'll make it in?” The man in front of me asked.
“I don't really know you.”

“Would you like to?”

“Sure.”

“Well... name's Garvey Fedler... I grew up in a small town outside of Portland... I always wanted to go to California and become a famous movie director... And I have a wife and two daughters that are still alive.”

“Did you ever become a director?”

“Oh, no. Of course not. But I still believe I had the talent to if I would have pursued that dream.”

“So why didn't you?”

“My girlfriend got pregnant when we were just 18. I needed to take care of her and my future daughter. I had to take a job under her uncle putting doors on cars at a factory.”

“Not everyone would give up on their own dreams to take care of someone else at such a young age...”

“It was the right thing to do. I would have never considered anything else.”

“Well good thing you didn't achieve that dream, or your whole family would be here with us now!”

“What?”

“You know, with California sinking into the ocean and all that...”

“Oh yeah... Yeah, maybe this God feller really does have a plan.”

We were getting closer to the gates now. We could actually see them for the first time. It looked pretty similar to an airport check-in actually. Without the x-ray scanners and crotch grabbers though. There were bearded men with glasses sitting behind a desk where each person walked up and presumably told them their name. Then the men behind the desk would walk to the backroom for a few minutes and come back out with a yellow file folder and begin browsing through. I then noticed that every one of the men behind the desk looked identical.

“Is that God behind the desk up there?” I asked Garvey.

“Which one?”

“All of them.”

“Hey, they do look the same, now don't they?” Garvey said.

“Yep.”

“I imagine that would be him then. Splitting himself up and all, that's pretty darn neat.”

“Why don't he split off a few more times and get this thing moving faster?”

“I believe the line is part of the charm of the whole thing really, and he knows that.”

The line was beginning to deplete faster now. And I think I would rather it slow down. My palms felt like they were trying to douse the fire below us. I had to try to take my mind off of it and enjoy my last happy moments in case I didn't make it.

“I was kind of glad I died when I did though. Christmas was right around the corner, man that is a stressful time of the year.” I said jokingly. I don't have a family to buy gifts for or any reason for Christmas to be stressful to me. I just thought it was a conversation starter that most people tended to agree with.

“Oh no! I love Christmas! It is by far my favorite time of the year!” Garvey said clasping his hands together. “Me and the family would always go down to the shelter and help serve dinner to the homeless. Nothing in this world ever quite warmed my heart like seeing the thanks on those faces.”

“I guess I was pretty selfish in my life. I never did that...”

“We've all helped out in some way. I'm sure of it...uhm... I don't think you have told me your name yet, I'm sorry.”

“Ellison.”

“Well, we have all helped in some way Ellison, I know it.”

It was about our turn now. We passed through the gates and the gold brick path ended. We stepped right onto a plush floor of clouds now. This was it. I can't believe I am about to find out how I will spend the rest of eternity; in pure bliss, or eternal torment. After speaking to Garvey my hopes of making it to Heaven were depleting even further. He seems to have done a lot of good in his life, what have I ever done?

All of our eyes shifted to the man at the desk in front of me as he began to raise his voice in protest. His auspicious body language quickly turned to petulance. I wasn't sure what was going on at first but when heard his pleading and sobbing, I knew exactly what was about to happen. He was falling to the ground rolling around with his palms to his face begging that this didn’t happen. Then in one split second the clouds underneath him parted with a puff of wispy fog as the man plummeted through the magnificent flooring. His screams faded away and it was now dead silent in the room. The hole was quickly filled in by the surrounding white fluff and the man behind the desk shouted.

“Next!”

I gulped, stretched out my collar, wiped my brow, and placed my tongue firmly in my cheek as I stepped toward the desk; prudently stepping around the portion of floor that had just been a chute to hell for one of my unlucky ghostly peers. I put my hands on the desk in front of me and shifted all my weight into them. These clouds were no longer trustworthy.

“Hi.” I said forcing a charming smile.

“Name?” He said peering over his glasses at the paperwork in front of him.

“Ellison Caldwell...”

“Just a moment.”

God got up and walked to the back room. I ran my fingers through my hair with a sigh and clapped my hands to my sides. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Garvey walk up to the next “teller” beside me. We met each other’s eyes and gave a firm silent handshake.

The swinging doors popped back open and my God waltz through and plopped down at the desk opening the file folder and rummaging through. He pulled a few snapshots out and placed them on the desk in front of me.

“What do you see here?” he asked.

“Nothing... they're blank.” I replied.

“Do you know what used to be on them?”

“Eh...No?”

“Every snapshot in your folder was of a sin you committed in your life, and look how thick this stack is,” he said opening the folder to reveal mounds of unorganized blank photos.

“Wow, that's a lot...”

“You made a lot of mistakes in your life Ellison, but whenever you did, you made sure to come to me and try to make it right. And even though you may have gone back and did the same thing the next week, you knew me, and you loved me. And you proclaimed my son your Lord and savior,” he pulled his glasses from his face, “You can head on through the gates, there is a spot for you in my kingdom Ellison.”

I wasn't fearful of the clouds underneath me any longer. I wanted to jump up in the air and say the word “hallelujah” for the first time in my life. But I muffled my enthusiasm for the moment. Garvey was still sweating. I was attempting to walk towards the gates while inconspicuously eavesdropping on the conversation Garvey was having at the same time.

“Your resume is one of the best I have seen in a while Garvey. You didn't have a selfish bone in your body. All you seemed to do was give to others. But I'm sorry… you never came to me. I never knew you.”

I didn’t hear a peep from the good man as the clouds under his feet dissipated.

Only thing I can say here is fantastic. Absolutely fantastic. Character development, message, plot line. I just wish there was more to it.

Thank you so much. So if you thought the message was good what would you say that the message is? I'm wondering if I am getting across the point that I am attempting to make or possibly something entirely different.

I feel as though the message is quite simple, it's going back to basics. You can't get in if you don't know him. That's the rules, it's tough, and sometimes it's the rule we all dislike the most but that's how it is. We are all sinners in the hands of an angry god. That's the bottom line, the difference between us is that some of us truly repent and know him, and others don't. No matter how close to perfect you are, you aren't. I was sad to see Garvey go, but I kind of saw that coming in the end. It was a brilliant piece of work, funny and controversial, but with a very powerful biblical reference and meaning.

Keep in mind this is from someone who attends church scarcely and is by no means devout. I'm a believer though, and a student of theology and history, and unfortunately the more I learn the harder it is to explain all of the incredible science we have built our lives on without some kind of creator. I don't know his name, I don't claim to. But I certainly believe in him if for no other reason than I can't fill in the gaps without some kind of higher power.

Cheers, excellent work once again.

I was trying to leave it more open to question than telling people what I think is right or wrong. I just hope it doesn't feel preachy. Thank you so much for the feedback I really appreciate it.

This is a really well written piece, which flows nicely keeping the reader interested to find out what happens. This is credit to your use of language and descriptive powers. Your direct speech is also believable. Your ending can only be described as shocking. My first reaction was that the man who did good things being condemned was wrong. I don't know if the message was meant to be that if you are not a Christian you will go to hell, or whether you were just telling a story with that basis. It has made me think though, which I imagine was your main objective?