Thread: Exhibit B

There are a lot of things going on in this sequence. There's so much much happening that I can't even keep up. Peggy Smith was able to pat her husband's hair while also being taken away? Each sentence seems to make a declaration and as a result, the movement of dialogue seems to "climb on top" of the the action that proceeded it.

It did keep me reading though.

That's a very common newbie problem, Reese, and it's good you point it out.
That impulse to pile on and mashup is not a good one in general, and for young writers it almost invariably turns into a "I'm a rookie, kill me" banner.

We've all seen characters brushing their shoulder-link raven hair out of their violet eyes while running for their lives, the guy taking a minute for a flashback while about to trigger a nuclear device in Chicago, yada yada.

It doesn't make things tighter. It makes things constipated.

Reese: Peggy Smith is the one rubbing her husband's hair, while Peggy Belanger is the one being restrained by the bailiff. It can get confusing sometimes.

Is it wise to incorporate two characters with the same name? Is there a larger point to be made by doing so? If so, I missed it. Sorry, just approaching this as a reader.

Reese: They don't just share the same name, they're two clones of the same person! Peggy Belanger chooses to be referred to by her maiden name while Peggy Smith takes her husband's name to show their respective stances on whether they believed their husband murdered them or not. I can't believe you got to the end without knowing there's two of her!

I didn't see that coming. You're right. I see that now after re-reading. Good plot-twist.

Still doesn't seem to satisfy me as a reader.

What's next? Tell me more! I want more!