Thread: Dilemna

There was a sense of mechanical purpose about him; the kind of energy a volkswagon running at a 100mph exudes, complete with flashing headlights trying to make up for an empty soul. He looked the 'subject' in the eyes. Not that he was new to this. He had done this many times before - his precision and nerves were the stuff of folklore.

But today was different. He was struck by a sudden feeling of awe at what he saw. A miracle of nature perhaps? This was the first time he was thinking of it this way. Today he didn't see a 'subject'. He saw a living figure, the curvacious body, the smooth fingers, the heaving of the torso as every breath grew stronger. And yes, the eyes.

What was it about those eyes? The fact that they weren't blinking or asking for mercy. Had they accepted their fate? Mocking him that if he went ahead with it, he would have a guilt ridden existence for the rest of his years? Or was it the last bravado of a flame about to go off, almost saying 'There's more where I came from brother'.

Or was it him? Was the blood on his hands getting harder and harder to wipe off? Was it a tussle between conscience and occupation? Or worse still, was a it a lone battle that conscience was waging to kep itself alive? To resurrect itself within a body that had forgotten its very existence?

And then, there was what my friend Jimmy Weed would refer to as a moment of clarity. To another person, his motives may be frivolous and without merit. But he knew what he was worth and believed that redemption would finally be his. And besides, if he didn't dissect that frog, he would fail the term.

formaldehyde

Writing style is Poe/ish.Writing Voice sounds like your looking through the window with a hood on and cant see your face.

I really enjoyed this! At first it seemed to take itself a little too seriously, what with the "empty soul" bits and what not, but it turned out to be the perfect setup for a joke. The figurative language is wonderful, especially "There was a sense of mechanical purpose about him; the kind of energy a volkswagon running at a 100mph exudes" and "Was the blood on his hands getting harder and harder to wipe off."
That being said, because this piece is so short, every line needs to be perfect.
"This was the first time he was thinking of it this way." <- This sentence is a little awkward, because "first time" implies one moment, whereas "thinking" implies something continuous. "This was the first time he had thought of it this way" reads a bit more smoothly.
"Mocking him that if he went ahead with it," <- I know what you're trying to say, but I don't think it technically makes sense as is. I'd add in something after him, like, "Mocking him, suggesting that if he went ahead with it."

It's missing a couple commas, as well. I'd give it a good polish.

[Or worse still, was a it a lone battle that conscience was waging to kep itself alive?]
you must delete the a in the sentence and do the spelling check: keep.

Anyway, it is a good writing.

Wonderful and wicked. A pure delight. Never saw it coming. The writing style is exactly the way it should be to lead us along the darkly decorated pathway until the sunlight blasts the darkness away; sunlight flooding through the high windows of the second form science lab.

Definitely well played, with only a minor fault in the last paragraph with the phrase 'his motives'. A couple of seconds were needed to be certain the 'his' did not refer to Jimmy Weed. A slight restructuring may be needed there to avoid the reader making a misstep.