Thread: Ascension

I concur with your teacher, I really liked this piece of writing. Your theme of heroism and your graphic descriptions were good. The overall writing seemed well done to me.

I think this could be made more engaging by going into detail and filling it out more to build up the dramatic tension. Perhaps weave another story narrative to add complexity- maybe snippets of a backstory about the narrator and how his relationship with his father motivated his actions to make the reader really care about him before the end.

Jackpot's suggestions are actually quite novel. Say, if you wanted to flesh this out into a novella or something. The premise could be exactly as is, just fill it with more detail, and some backstory that the reader could draw a connection with.

That's if you really wanted to, anyway.

It's fine how it is too. Generally once I've finished a short, and I'm out of that mindset, I never want to revisit it, except for light redrafts. I'd never want to flesh out an old short, I'd prefer to write something new. But that's just me.

Thanks, guys. Im kind of like Tom in the fact that I dont like to go back and revise a whole lot. But I think I might try for this one since ive gotten some positive feedback on it. Ill see if I can get back in the mindset and do some of the things Jackpot said. I think I have some ideas for what you said. Thanks once again.