Thread: A gift

If you added just a touch of conflict (no story stands without it), told the story in the third person pov and gave each speaker in the dialogue his/her own paragraph, you'd have a base for a good story. Your story breaks too many of the rules tried and proven over hundreds of years.

Hi Mistique,
I know this is an old post, ( well not old, just dormant ) but I couldn't let it go by without comment. ( I don't know if this will reach you from this point, so I will PM you the comment as well ).
There is something called 'visualisation'. It is a self controlled imagining in which you participate or act out a story. Mind TV. if you will.
Like walking on a beach, or being a rock star on stage in front of thousands of adoring fans. I think this writing you did for your friend is a visualisation. Warm and comforting, gentle and fantastical.
It is very touching. I liked it a lot. Thank you for sharing.
Bazz

I am glad you liked it. Thank you for your comments. You are right it is a visualisation, that is exeacly what it was supposed to be; a guided fantasy to bring the reader (in this case a friend) into a certain image hopefully creating a more relaxed state of mind.