Thread: The Tetra

Hi all,

Below is the blurb to a series I am currently working on, I joined this site last year and had begun writing a different series, unfortunately due to personal circumstances I lost my way, as it were, and stopped writing.

I have been stalking the forums for a while as I couldn't keep away from writing and seeing some of the works here has got me motivated to begin writing once more with a fresh new story and characters.

I want to guide you all through the series and have as much feedback as possible, so the first place I wanted to start is one of the first things readers look at when picking up a book: the blurb.

Let me know what you think, fire away with any questions that may come to mind.

For centuries, the Power of the Tetra was passed down to fierce and noble warriors destined to don the mantle of 'Hero' and protect the planet from all threats. As the Evil faded from the land, so did the powers of the four warriors, locked away until such a time the Tetra were called once more to take up arms against the darkness. That time is now.
With the warriors long extinct and magic but a fantasy, the Power of the Tetra falls into the hands of four reckless teenagers with no understanding of the destiny that awaits them.
In a world where magic exists only in the imagination, the four are bound together by a secret they share and a danger they each must face together or perish with the rest of humankind.

A fellow Scotsman? Good show!

I'd say the blurb is maybe just lacking in a bit of detail. It's all very vague and uses general terms without really telling you much about the book. All I really get from it is that there's a struggle between good and evil somewhere, and the good guys are teenagers who don't seem to understand what's going on. Personally, for me there's nothing that really grabs my attention and makes me want to read on.

Didn't know there was another Scot on here, hey

What sort of stuff do you look for in blurb? I tend to prefer those that are more vague than detailed as I find it more encouraging to read on, hence my writing my own like that =/

When I grab a book and flip to the back, or into the cover, or wherever I see information being passed down, I read and look for five things that I think every novel should have: Authority, Empathy, Meaning, Originality, and Urgency. Those five aspects mean the most in any type of writing you do, and they uncover a heap of information. When I read the above, it was lacking in a bit of all five of those. Authority is the strength of the writing as well as the authenticity of the actions taken by the characters. I think you hit this one. I would work on the structure of the sentences by being a bit more descriptive in what you mean. For instance:

For centuries, the Power of the Tetra was passed down to fierce and noble warriors destined to don the mantle of 'Hero' and protect the planet from all threats.

The above tells me that there is a mystical power that gives warriors the ability to do great things. What it is missing, authority wise, is description. Throw a comma in there after Tetra and maybe explain it in three to five words. Is it a neckless, an orb, a piercing? Maybe a book of knowledge? The next sentence, you say four warriors. Say that here instead, since this is where you allude to those fighters of justice first.

As the Evil faded from the land, so did the powers of the four warriors, locked away until such a time the Tetra were called once more to take up arms against the darkness.

If the power can fade as evil fades, then who locked the Tetra away? That alludes to that above statement of small description. The red bit is hard to understand. I wouldn't say were called. Maybe was called, or maybe make it a person or warriors called. Something like, "locked away until such a time where a warrior that could possess the Tetra was called to arms once more to destroy the darkness that loomed over the lands." Or something cooler than that.

That time is now.

Perfect urgency. You're pushing along the reader. You're giving them a distinct application of time and space. Short, sweet, and to the point.

With the warriors long extinct and magic but a fantasy, the Power of the Tetra falls into the hands of four reckless teenagers with no understanding of the destiny that awaits them.

This is the first time where you tell the reader that the Tetra is an item, since it has fallen into four reckless hands. Probably something to do earlier, like I stated. Otherwise, this sentence is probably the most effective in giving details to potential readers. You tell us characters, you give us empathy for their quest because you make them relatable for the reader (reckless teenagers). However, you don't give us meaning to their fight. You say the time is now in the last sentence, but are these teenagers in a ravage city of tomorrow or the fierce yesteryear? You can probably hit home with this using one or two words.

In a world where magic exists only in the imagination, the four are bound together by a secret they share and a danger they each must face together or perish with the rest of humankind.

You describe a time here (magic no longer existing outwardly and existentially to the body) and it gets the thing moving. Describe the danger though. Is it a person or persons, maybe another power that others are acquiring?

Overall, you hit a lot of stuff. The premise feels original, I get the meaning of it all, though I don't get a lot of answers about what's going on, and you build up a little authority, empathy, and urgency. I think more description could be needed and some redirection of statements so you can better pull your reader in.

However!

Remember that a person is going to read your book by the writing and the premise of the story. I read blurbs, yes. I choose to open the book because of interest to the genre, the size of the book, and unfortunately because of the cover. They say don't judge a book by its cover, and I don't put a book down because of one, but I'll pick it up because it caught my eye. A cool title and a flashy cover. I put a book down because of the writing though. I will read blurbs, but I have never put one down because of it. I turn to a random page in the book and read 250 words *roughly a page to two pages*. If the writing doesn't come to the quality that I like, I will not read it. So, I guess what I mean is worry more about the story, not the blurb. Publishers often want to write the blurb themselves because they like to make them flashy and more pointed towards the plot or what they think will sell. So, skip all the work above even, and just write out a prologue, preface, or chapter one and go with it. You'll get a better response from readers if your more adamant about your story than the catch and hook on the back of a book.

Originally Posted by GWJ Baird

Didn't know there was another Scot on here, hey

What sort of stuff do you look for in blurb? I tend to prefer those that are more vague than detailed as I find it more encouraging to read on, hence my writing my own like that =/

Just joined the forum a couple of days ago dude. I'm down the west coast in Inverclyde.

Regarding your blurb, I usually look for something that sticks in my mind. It could be a cool phrase that's used, or a hint at something unusual but not made obvious if that makes sense? To best explain it, here's the blurb I wrote for my novel In the Devil's Name. This isn't a sly way of promoting it by the way! I do that in my signature!

Some of the locals in Ballantrae still tell tales about haunted Bennane Head, the cliffs just up the coast where mythical mass murderer and cannibal Sawney Beane is said to have dwelt with his inbred family during the seventeenth century. Never walk past there at night, they say, or heaven help you. Just a ghost story to give the tourists a thrill.

Phil, Griff, Sam and Cairnsey are local boys who enjoy a smoke, a beer and the occasional tab of mind bending acid, and celebrating the end of high school with some trips and a night’s camping at Bennane Head sounds like a high old time. When their drug fuelled revelry descends into a nightmarish fight for their sanity and survival however, those who make it through the night will know that true evil never forgets unpaid debts.

Like you say though, blub preference is a matter of personal taste.

Thanks both, very much appreciated,

I was working mostly on my four characters and their personalities at the moment as at the moment I know where the four main characters will end up, it's the getting them there I am working on,

I shall be writing up an introductory chapter ASAP and was wondering if you could help me with it,

Do you think it best to open in the modern day with my powerless main characters or open in the thick of the final battle between the original warriors and their foe?

I don't know many people who are passionate about writing, or reading for that matter, engaging in conversations like this is a rare luxury for me!!

One critique of my work that keeps cropping up is that I start too slow. With that in mind, it could be an idea to get your readers attention by opening right in the middle of a really intense battle scene. If it's well written, you can be damn sure the reader won't put it down. I know I wouldn't anyway!

Noted, thanks Dave!

Don't ask me why, but I feel extremely curious as to who (or what) the antagonist(s) could possibly be. Your blurb leaves room for a plethora of options, options which I would love to read!

Thank you! I think... =)

I like the premise, it sounds really interesting and I'm also curious about the antagonists, and what they are. As to the first chapter, one thing that grips me when reading a novel is curiosity. I would personally start with a prologue, which detailed the original warriors losing and hints at the foe and the sacrifices they made before jumping into the first chapter with the modern day protagonists and them discovering the tetra or noticing odd things that herald the rise of darkness. While jumping straight into action grips the reader, the most important thing to my mind is mystery and wanting to know more. The blurb has done that really well so I look forward to seeing what comes next.

Thank you, you are very kind!


I have made a slight alteration to my story now, while these four warriors are from the past and there will be New Warriors, it won't be in the modern day 2012 world but in an alternate world called Obscurum and the setting is more Robin Hood/LotR where it is an almost medieval world

I had been so torn on which to go with that I actually started writing both stories simaltaneously until I realised I preferred the Obscurum world as opposed to Earth, there was more magic to be had in Obscurum and I found it easier to write about

I shall be adding more as soon as possible and I thank everyone for their comments!

I feel names (or some other grounding info on your protagonists) in the blurb might help give it some specificity. Talk of past ages has to be vague, but one of the major functions of a book blurb for me is to kind of get to meet the characters who will live their lives out inside.