Thread: H.E.A.E.I.B. Chapter 39: Fate (language)

Chapter 39: Fate
The nuclear bomb explodes. The blue transport plane is in the middle of the mushroom cloud. The sound of the alarm goes off as the plane begins to shake violently. The Captain and Samantha rush to their seats and lock themselves up tightly. The mushroom cloud clears away. All that could be seen are many balls of fire falling to the ground. Suddenly their own plane begins to loose altitude rapidly. Samantha begins to scream in fear until they crashed into the ground.
"Hey, Hey, wake up Samantha!" A voice says from within the darkness.
She opens her eyes slowly. The captain is standing above her and he crouches next to her.
"You okay?" He asked.
"How did we survive?" She asks.
The captain looks around.
"I don't know either but half the plane got destroyed in the explosion!" He replies.
Samantha tries to stand up but piercing pain rises up her body from her legs and she collapses again. The captain helps her up and both of them look around. Pieces of the plane is in pieces with Some parts still burning.
"A few soldiers have survived the explosion and the impact. Only one pilot has survived. let's go and ask him if he can create another plane or something." The captain says as the two of them walk slowly. They find a seat and Samantha sits on it as the captain approaches the pilot.
"Sir, everything has been destroyed!" The pilot announces.
His left limb has been blown off. Many circuits and wires can be seen from his shoulder.
"Can you make another plane from the scraps?" The captain asks.
"I'm afraid that I can't, sir. One of my limbs have been blown off and there isn't enough usable material that i can use to create another plane!" The pilot replies back.
"I see. Can you at least make a communicating device so we can reach Luke?" The captain asks.
The pilot nods in approval.
"Then get started on it!" The captain orders.
Two soldiers run up to the captain.
"Sir, there's a town just a few kilometers away from here!" One of them says.
"Good, I want you guys to guard and assist the pilot!" He orders.
The captain walks up to three soldiers whom are standing together looking through the rubble.
"You three! Start searching for useful material and weapons!" The captain orders.
Samantha slowly tries to stand up as the captain walks up to her.
"Where are we?" She asks.
"Russia. I'm heading out into town to look for some news. If you feel up to it, you can come with me." The captain said.

Two hours later in the town:
"Do you even know how to speak Russian?" Samantha asks.
"When Luke created me, he made sure that I knew all the languages that exist, including Russian." The captain replies.
He picks up the newspaper from a garbage can.
"It seems that Russia has a new leader. Some guy named Alexander Gerbechev took over as president after the assassination of Korbachev." He announces.
"I think that there's something going on here!" Samantha says.
Both of them look at the empty streets around them suspiciously. Many doors and windows are bolted shut as if something or someone is coming.
"Yeah, I think so too!" The captain says.
"So, what should we do?" She asks.
"Try to get closer to the capital without being noticed by "Him"! Once we can make contact with Luke, then we'll start a rebellion here!" He replies.
Two shadows run across one of the streets and The captain notices.
"We should hurry and get the hell out of here!" He says quickly.
And they begin to run. Samantha notices a picture on one of the closed stores. She stops and looks at it. On the picture is her and The captains face. Under it was a bounty of over a billion of what seemed to be the devils signs.
"That must be the devils currency!" The captain says.
The town becomes eerie quiet as if time stood still. The tension starts to rise as the quietness of the streets turns scary. The captain grabs Samantha by the shirts sleeve and drags her behind him.
"Let's move!" He orders.
They reach the crash site quickly and both our of breath. Four soldiers run up to them and one of them covers their backs. "Pilot, is it ready yet?" The captain asks.
"No sir, it will take at least a week for the communicator to work!" The pilot replies.
"Everyone, we're moving now! Grab all the stuff that we need to survive for at least week!" The captain orders.
The soldiers take all the weapons and ammunition that was found that still work. Samantha and the captain take all the food that was in the plane. The eight of them set off into the nearby forest as snow begins to fall.
"Isn't this a little weird!" Samantha says.
"What is?" The captain asks.
"I think that we've been sent here to start a rebellion! It seems like fate did this!" She said.
The captain chuckles.
"It seems so! Right now, we need to survive! So keep on moving!" He said.

You suggested other sections of your work might be different when I offered opinion on another chapter, so I looked at this. The dialog sections here need work, but are better. However, the descriptions are seriously lacking, just notes of what is happening. This style is really not interesting to read. I doubt you are going to change that, from your response on the other thread I don't think you see what I mean. As an alternative, I suggest you switch to a script format and concentrate on dialog to tell your story.

Sorry if my reply was rude. I had a bad week last week and wasn't in the mood. I know what you're saying and i'm trying my best to write my stories as best as i can. There are times when i write that i can't think of how to explain some situations so i write them like that and if i think of a better way to explain the situation i change it. As for this chapter, It's the way i see it in my mind. If you have any suggestions before i move onto the next chapter then please leave a reply.