Thread: Yet another prologue. working title "The Time of the Three

In the dark, the blackness ebbed and flowed. In a place which does not exist, in a room which has no walls, at a time between the seconds, met three who were always together.

“Is it now?” A voice. More a thought than a sound.

“Yes, now.” A reply, more color than word.

A third voice hissed like a knife cutting water, “Which of us starts?”

“Me.” The first voice responded. “I pick first.” The dark rippled and, briefly, lines of force, blue if they must have color, flowed.
In the world, in a small city far from the capital, a law student suddenly looked up from the law book he was reading. His expression was one of puzzlement. After a moment he closed the book and left the room. No one noticed that the whites of his eyes now had an almost imperceptible blue cast to them. Nor did anyone notice that the shadow he cast went towards the light.

“Brother, you choose badly.” This from the second voice, “Now I pick.” Again the dark rippled, though this time the force lines, if indeed they had a color at all, were green.
In the world, in a small city far from the capital, and also far from the city of the law student, twin girls, aged ten were playing with their kitten. The twins stopped playing and looked up at the sky. When, after a moment, they looked again at the kitten it made a kitten growl and it back fur stood up. Still, the kitten made no effort to run when one of the girls picked it up. Both twins began to pet it and soon it was purring. It continued to purr when the twins held between them as they put their arms around one another. After a while the girls, laughing, ran towards their home. The body of the kitten lay forgotten behind them. Their eyes were now, somehow, vaguely catlike, and of that distinctive green color.

“A better choice bother, but still not the best.” The third voice whispered like thunder. “Watch and learn.” For a third time the force lines rippled in the darkness, and for a third time there was no color. But if somehow an observer could have seen the ripples’ he would have thought of the color red,

In the world, in a small city far from the capital, and also far from the cities of the law student and the twins, a young mother, in the act of giving birth, suddenly laughed. A moment later she was dead. The midwife, who had assisted at hundreds of births, knew of no reason the mother should be dead. Still, the child lived and, except for a very slight reddish cast to the eyes, was quite the most handsome infant she had ever seen.

I enjoyed it. It's intriguing and made me want to know what happens next. Besides a few typos and omissions (watch for any left out "it"s), I found it well written. I particularly like the first exchange between the three voice. The descriptions ("more a thought than word", "more coloar than sound", "like a knife cutting water") really work for me.

You say this is a prologue. Do you have an outline worked out already for the whole story ? As I said, I'm curious

One question -

Why a prologue and not chapter one? Perhaps the question can be answered after I read the subsequent chapters?... (Not that I am against prologue)

Hi,

Well done!! I especially liked the images your words put in my head. I could almost half visualize the scene! It definitely made me want to read more! Although, I think I have similar questions to Bobby`s. I hope to read more soon!

Thanks guys. It really is a prologue though I guess I could call it a forward. I do have an outline of where I'm gping, but it is sketchy . I've written about 300 pages sp far and think I'm maybe half way to dealing with the first voice. It keeps growing on its own. I'll post chapter one after I give it one more edit.

I agree with the previous post definitely an intriguing piece, although for me it was a little confusing too. I particularly like the opening though "In a place which does not exist, in a room which has no walls, at a time between the seconds, met three who were always together" and I would certainly be interested to read more if you were to post chapter 1.

I agree with the others. A very strong and intriguing opening. I would definitely keep reading.
Hope to see more soon.

I think it has a cool sound. You write in a voice that seems ominous but watch out for repetitions. 'law student suddenly looked up from the law book he was reading' sounds repetitive. Law student 'interrupted from his studies' flows better. Also why is it important that he is a Law Student? Will him being a law student have an important place in the story as it goes on? I want to get to know these characters more. I want to know them as individuals so hopefully you'll elaborate on them as the story goes on. So far the voice you write in is good and it has me interested in the larger story.

As a longer piece I wonder where the character development will come from. The 'three who were always together' have a clever gimmick where I wasn't even sure if they existed or not, and if they do exist in what form? The mystery of these characters is quite exciting and I feel conflicted as to whether I want to truly understand what is happening.

Interesting start, i like it. I would have perfered a little more visual details to help paint the picture and to build more of a story, but that is just me. All and all it is a good start and drew me in enough that i would keep reading.

Really loved this one. The scene was vivid and the mother laughing and then dropping dead was a nice touch, very King-ian, I felt. The three interest me and I definitely think that we need to see some more of this. Hope to see it soon, thanks for a great morning read.

Love the sense of caution and mystery. A bit more narrative could have helped the scene, but I love the brevity of it. it's so powerful, yet so short. How do you squeeze so much in? My prologue's twelve pages long, and like most of my novel, I keep finding myself writing more than I need to. There's so much excitement there, and lots of scope, and yet it would only cover a few pages. Bravo, there. It would even work as just a short story, but 300 pages, you say? Wow. I've done 250 for one of my books and I feel like hardly anything's happened...