Thread: Archaeology 3010

I don't know what I can say that hasn't already been said. I enjoyed it.

Although the word form is very strange, it does have something in common with the modern speech patterns of the Church of Fook. As you know, all the Little Fookers have to put their Deity's name into every sentence they utter, Fook knows, who the Fook are you ? What the Fook do you want ? And so on. Also one of the Churches ceremonies, includes inhaling the smoke from burnt paper.”
The net trawler's of every Little Fooker would pick up the reference and the viewing figures would rise significantly.
“ This is probably a very early Fook enclave. “

^--- My favorite part. I giggled.

Hi Chris,
Hi Razzazzika, Nice to meet you
Thanks for the comments. It was written a long time ago, it does show how much I have improved.

Well Bazz, it's the second time I've lol'd at something of yours in a couple of days. The Church of Fook had me tittering more than a Frankie Howerd titter-thon. In its entirety I thought it was good, and I think some of its weaker areas you've developed since the time you wrote this, such as point of view. Interesting take on the cigarettes. Its natural they shouldn't think of them as simply an expensive way of quickening one's demise, but wouldn't they have the equipment to test the contents of the tips. Just a thought.

An enjoyable little thing.

Scott

Hi BB,
When I wrote this it was just a maguffin, but I had a think about your cigarette question, it being quite a regressed society they perhaps wouldn't test, and it being a religious symbol even if they did they would ignore the evidence in favour of the Word of Fook.

I had a jokey chance to poke fun at some of our cultural ways and took it. Glad you had a laugh.
Bazz

I forgot that I had read this, (can't remember how long ago). Its a great story and highly amusing. As for why they'd smoke in the future, perhaps they'd do it for the sake of getting closer to God, and the resultant early death is a sign that God favours you and wants you in heaven as soon as possible

As for why they'd smoke in the future, perhaps they'd do it for the sake of getting closer to God, and the resultant early death is a sign that God favours you and wants you in heaven as soon as possible

Ooops, my intention was to show how no one smoked cigarettes any more, and they misunderstood what cigarettes were for. 'Holy smoke' was their interpretation.

It gets more immersing as it goes in!

I enjoyed the flow of the story after the "Fook tribe" was described in more speaking terms. There was something about it that was easy for me to connect to and my comprehension just kind of latched on more naturally.

One pitfall where I think the flow might have an issue is around the area of the slideshow.

"The picture changed, to a long conveyor, moving piles of rubbish between two lines of robots.
“ The debris from this dig was placed in large metal boxes, and transported to the sorting line. Mostly it consists of paper, fabric, and plastic. Some of the more interesting items are being scanned for the Museum, and then packed away in the Vault.” p { margin-bottom: 0.21cm; } The picture changed.
“ This multi faceted shape has a core of metal, with an outer sheath of plastic, we believe it to be a coded key device. It might possibly be a clue to the mythical Portal.”
The Portal myth would be on practically every ones net trawler.

The picture changed."

I can enjoy the depictions of the slides bit by bit, though perhaps word choice or description of the Professor changing the slides could make the flow a bit easier on the memory.
Sometimes I like to describe the same action with a slightly altered perspective, just to beautify the writing, but also to keep the same concept in light.

Overall, I'm interested in the "bloggers" reaction to the slideshow findings.

Keep it up!

Originally Posted by Neuroaxiom

The one major criticism I have is that the speech of the Professor often feels very much present-day, as though he were intimately acquanted with the way we talk. Same thing with the the Prof's collegue saying things like, "Splendid presentation." It doesn't help the suspension of disbelief .

You could make this work to your advantage as character color -- let it drop that the Professor has some sort of obsession with ancient dialog and syntax, and deliberately enjoys phrasing things in archaic way . . .

Hi Van, Hi Steve,
pleased to meet you.
One day when I'm feeling up to the challenge I will rewrite this.

This was my first post, way back before I learned enough to make proper job of POV.

I was concerned that there had to be a way for other writers to see what I could do, and have the ability to return the favour of reading and critiquing. It didn't seem fair just to comment on some ones hard work without giving them the opportunity to do likewise.

Looking back now I can see so many ways it could be improved, yet it still works.

Thank you for your comments, and for enjoying my work.
Bazz

Looking at the past from a future perspective is interesting. Gosh, I don't know how people get ideas, I'd never be able to let my imagination run so wild.
I liked how the characters have only one limb left, it's something to think about considering how lazy people are becoming now. The fook and the cigarettes part was really amusing. Haha what if someone in the future actually interpreted it that way?

Ah Candid,
My mind is a ferment of peculiar ideas, and this was one of the easy to understand ones.

I found the story slightly confusing, but everyone has covered it quite well so I won't beleaguer the issues, just to say the concept for the story was interesting.
I think the fookers thing, while comical, detracts from the story and jars the reader back to the present, but then I have been guilty of that meself.

All in all, good job at doing a difficult piece.

Hi River,
pleased to meet you.
To be honest I keep thinking about doing a rewrite, but somehow I can't seem to get started. It is an odd story, I'm not sure how the hell I managed to write it in the first place.

I am happy to use it as an example of how far I have moved on. The LM comp has been a wonderful educational tool. And there have been some really nice/helpful Forum members. I was lucky to find this place.

See you round.