And up the roller coaster I go!
by, March 20th, 2017 at 04:27 AM (326 Views)
I was pretty down the other day. Doubting myself and writing abilities. The comments and messages I received left me feeling uplifted to say the least. The support I have found here is amazing! It really helped brighten what was undoubtedly one of the darkest days I've had in a long time.
Then, in the form of a little blue thought bubble, came the most amazing thing! A review! I love reviews! I get that nervous knot in my stomach, the lump in my throat and the tingling of anticipation as I wait to open those messages. I look forward to the good, of course. Pray for the bad to be gentle yet constructive, but mostly, I pray that it wasn't a total fail. I'm not looking for everyone to fall in love with my MS. I know that's not feasible. Not possible. Not even the best writers out there can please everyone, which honestly gives me a huge sense of relief.
As I was saying, I look for ward to the good, but more importantly, I look forward to the bad and ugly. I want to know what I did wrong and how to make it better. To find that diamond in the rough and make it shine. You can't get there with all happy comments and smiley faces. You get there by getting your hands dirty and digging deep. Does it hurt? Yes. Do I have days where I cry and stare at my screen debating on scrapping it all? You already know I do. But I know deep down, all the ugly is for the best.
I told you its a roller coaster! Up and down I go, crying and telling myself to give up and forget. Followed by a few days of elation! Up and down again.
I've been here before. Learned how to deal the best I could with the emotions constantly fluctuating. That was something far more devastating, but I made it through. Going after something you really want always an easy thing to do. Living with rejection and failure can be extremely difficult. Honestly, I don't know how my husband puts up with me some days. Thankfully, he does. He holds my hand and urges me not to give up. Tomorrow is another day to try again. I just watched a video and someone said that famous quote, "It's not how many times you fall, but how many times you get back up." I'm making that my new motto. Anything worth having isn't easy to get. I will make my goal a reality someday. It will happen. I will publish a book with my head held high. It will be the best I can do and that's all I can do. How long will it take me? I'm not sure, but I will make it happen.
I rarely make promises, especially ones that are so far out of my reach, but this one, I can't help but make. I am so excited, I want to scream! Like I said, I love reviews! I love getting feedback on what I can do better. Joining this community has helped me in so many ways. I've learned so much in just a few short months. I've shared more personal bits of my writing than I ever thought possible in such a short amount of time. I won't say things can only keep going up, because I know that's not true. But I can say, that I will keep trying. A little bit at a time. Slow and steady. You know, all those cliches.