Thread: Kind Words vs Strap : Why Must We Have These Extremes?

Hmm: 7 Secrets to Raising a Happy Child | zen habits

Originally Posted by Trides

Hmm: 7 Secrets to Raising a Happy Child | zen habits

Trides,

Do you live near Mott Street or on the Lower East Side?




If a small girl darts into the street, I believe that it is the parent's fault, not the child's. Wht wasn't the parent holding the child's hand? The child should not be hit in this situation. It should be a wake-up call for the parent to be more responsible in the future.

In my opinion, it's not a question of whether the parent was holding the kid's hand at the time, it's more about how often the parent warned the child against running in the streets, even before they stepped out the door. Again, education is prevention/early intervention.

And Robinjazz, I think you are getting at the point that different parts of NYC are occupied by different sorts of people and there are many different types of parenting going on therein. Believe me, I've dwelled on that.

Originally Posted by Trides

In my opinion, it's not a question of whether the parent was holding the kid's hand at the time, it's more about how often the parent warned the child against running in the streets, even before they stepped out the door. Again, education is prevention/early intervention.

And Robinjazz, I think you are getting at the point that different parts of NYC are occupied by different sorts of people and there are many different types of parenting going on therein. Believe me, I've dwelled on that.

Any parent who doesn't hold a toddler's hand when they approach a busy intersection can't be too bright. It doesn't matter what nationality or race the parent is. And it doesn't matter what city in which they reside.

Children run, that's what they like to do. How is a pep talk inside an apartment supposed to stop a child from playing in the street? Why repress the child's desire (the child will face even bigger psychological problems in the future)? When a child is in the company of a parent in the street, the parent must never take his/her sight off the youngster. And when a child gets too close to a dangerous area, the child's hand should be held by the parent.

Originally Posted by Robinjazz

Children run, that's what they like to do. How is a pep talk inside an apartment supposed to stop a child from playing in the street? Why repress the child's desire (the child will face even bigger psychological problems in the future)? When a child is in the company of a parent in the street, the parent must never take his/her sight off the youngster. And when a child gets too close to a dangerous area, the child's hand should be held by the parent.

I agree with this to some extent. Yes, a child's hand should be held in a busy intersection, or when walking across a street or a parking lot, etc. However, the "pep talk" prior to leaving the apartment is meant to educate the child on the dangers of running and playing in the street. If a parent is only to hold their child's hand and never explain why, then how is a child to know? Teaching children life lessons should be done in two ways - hands on and explanatory. If that makes sense. I mean, parents should both explain and illustrate why certain rules are in place or why the child is not allowed to do X.

Originally Posted by Jinxi

I agree with this to some extent. Yes, a child's hand should be held in a busy intersection, or when walking across a street or a parking lot, etc. However, the "pep talk" prior to leaving the apartment is meant to educate the child on the dangers of running and playing in the street. If a parent is only to hold their child's hand and never explain why, then how is a child to know? Teaching children life lessons should be done in two ways - hands on and explanatory. If that makes sense. I mean, parents should both explain and illustrate why certain rules are in place or why the child is not allowed to do X.

Never explain? That is quite extreme. Of course, a parent should explain to children "dangers." But, if a child darts into a street while the parent is busy picking apples from a stand or busy talking to a friend, don't blame the child. I call that irresponsibility, on the parent's behalf. If the age group in focus here is three to six-years-old, then the child most likely would always be in the care of a parent outdoors. I don't believe a child that young should be outdoors alone (not nowadays away). Thus, anything happening to a child outdoors has to be the parent's responsibility--the vast majority of the time anyhow.

I suspected "luck" would be an element in raising a child, regardless of the efficiency of the parents. Like the best poker player at the table, if good cards aren't drawn, then the skill factor goes out the window. A parent might instruct a child until he or she is tired of speaking, but if the child just won't follow instructions, there's little a parent can do about it.


Luck link:

Raising kids takes a lot of luck |single dad life, single dad support and advice | Single Dad Life

In other words, the parent(s) might prepare for a bumpy ride for the next eighteen years. The word below didn't end up in Webster's without good reason.

brat [ brat ] 1.demanding and selfish person: somebody, especially a child, who is regarded as tiresomely demanding and selfish in a childish way


There is the chemistry factor too. Some parents and their children have a strong loving bond. These children are special; they only need to be told once about things. And whatever they are told is not in a sense a "warning," but "advice." Of course, a parent is "lucky" to have a child like this because the child isn't a brat. The child learns and obeys with such ease, almost effortlessly. No straps. No "time-outs." No slaps across the face. No spankings. Not even kind words.